My autistic son almost drowned today

[ASDmum28]

I need to get it out somewhere, I'm quite shaken up. Do you mind if I offload here? I've NC.

Today we went paddling in the shallow part of a small river where the water was only knee high on the kids and i didnt take my eyes off him for a second. We've been there a handful of times before and never had any issues so I naively thought we'd be fine.

After paddling, when we left the water and I was cleaning DD up, DS made a beeline for the edge of a deeper part and was poking a stick in the water. He he lost his balance and fell in. It happened so quickly.

My friend (a new mum friend who I've only met three times!) was lightning fast and was at the water edge in the blink of an eye. She managed to grab him under the water and pull him back up. I shot over and helped her pull him out and I'll never forget the look on his face as he came up. The terror in his eyes will stay with me for the rest of my life 😥

He can't swim. Hasn't had any lessons. I'm looking into lessons right now as I never want to experience that again.

I'm gutted.

@beautyisthefaceisee a river is wild water. What else is it?

He wasn't swimming in it though.

He legged it into the river.

Making OP feel bad with tales about learning to swim in a river won't help.

That sounds a really frightening experience and it’s totally normal to react like this after the fact. I’m glad he’s ok and I hope you feel better soon too.

I'm sorry this happened OP. You must have felt so shaken.

I had a deeply unpleasant experience in a swimming pool when I was about 7 and sunk under water. It put me off swimming for the rest of my childhood and I didn't learn until I was an adult. To this day I do not feel confident in deep water. My children have been enrolled in lessons since they were small and 9 year old DD is now quite confident but I am still nervous when they are near an open body of water. It's a horrible feeling and I'm trying not to let my anxiety rub off on them.

That sounds really scary. My DS is 4 and on the ASD diagnosis pathway l, he has swimming lessons and they don’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to. He hasn’t yet put his face under but has worked his way to putting his chin under. Just in case that helps you to look into swimming lessons.

I nearly drowned as a 6/7yo, was alone on the beach (has up to 4m ledges) with my 4/5yo db. Long story of why we were down the beach ourselves. I got rescued by an older couple on holiday, who came round EVERY house that afternoon to find us.

Please excuse this emoji, but it by mistake and will NOT delete.👺Another awesome mn update failure.

she had all three of us signed up to an intensive swimming course the next day.

I know it's my mum's biggest regret ever, in nearly 30 years she's never forgiven herself so much so that if she's visiting and were walking over the bridge to town she'll round up my kids and grip my youngest two hands so no hard.

Swimming is as important as maths and English imo. You can fix that. But take it easy, it was a temporary lapse that you know you won't repeat.

Agree. Please stop beating yourself up. There were adults around and he was pulled out immediately. Even if this mum hadn't been there, you would have seen him and got to him - you were watching him constantly and it would have taken you seconds to get to him, not long enough for him to drown.
Good for you looking into swimming lessons immediately. This is a key life skill and as vital as your children learning to read and write (as you have found out today). Depending on his needs, he may need some extra support to learn, but it absolutely can be done. All the best!

Thank you all, gosh some of these accounts are chilling. I'm ashamed to admit this but I hadn't given swimming lessons much thought at all until today. What a twit.

I have found some information on swimming lessons for disabled adults & children, I'm going to give the leisure centre a call tomorrow with a few questions and then get both DS (4) and DD (3) booked in ASAP.

I've noted the advice about wild water too. I see that many families at that river on a yearly basis but because I hadn't heard of any tragedies personally I convinced myself it was alot safer than it is.

Be grateful it wasn’t a worse outcome and sort out swimming lessons asap. And dont take him near open water until he can swim confidently.

These things happen so fast. Even if you were directly next to him watching like a hawk you probably still wouldn't have been quick enough.

Glad your getting him into lessons

My dad has had a few close shaves too, she has ASD and was pretty fearless when younger (still isn’t great as a teen), when she was 10 she got pulled out in a rip tide on a Cornish beach, it really shook me up but luckily she doesn’t remember and hasn’t developed a fear of water, since then I have always put a life jacket on her when near water 😬. She also had a close shave with a lorry when she ran across a road after escaping from our house, I had nightmares for ages after. They like to keep us on our toes.

I know it’s hard but do try not to think about ‘what if’, he’s safe and unharmed.

He's safe now.

Lessons are a good idea. All kids should learn to swim from being babies really.

I had three little boys, all grown up now but how any of them survived to adulthood with the near misses is beyond me. On one occasion on holiday we were at a little funfair. One child on a merry-go-round with me watching, another on a small boating pond with dad watching and toddler attached to a wrist rein. I glance across to see dad staring into space with toddler head first in said pool, still attached to wrist rein and dad completely oblivious😱 I screamed across and he dragged him out soaking wet to the waist and trousers still dry! I could fill the page with many incidents that 30 years later I still have flashbacks about....... It comes with the territory of being a parent I'm afraid 💐

Out of interest - would being able to swim have eased his fear any when he found himself in the water?

Confident swimmers drown.

You have done nothing wrong, OP. nothing.

I think it's about teaching confidence in the water during lessons. Teaching them that if they go face first into water, they should turn over onto their back and float. My DS has only just turned 3, but he's learning this in his lessons already x

Op hasn’t done anything wrong but it is still really sensible advice to 1. Book swimming lessons and 2. Avoid river swimming/playing- rivers have strong currents etc- really dangerous.

If he likes water take him to one of those parks where they have little fountains etc or an outdoor pool, swimming bath. Preferably one with a lifeguard.

A river is wild water. He was paddling in it accompanied and then went near it unaccompanied. That's very obviously unsafe for a 4 year old child who has additional needs and zero safety training for wild water.
I'm not making OP feel worse I'm telling them what needs to be done to keep the lad safe

My niece is autistic (severely? She will never live independently). She loves loves loves her swimming lessons! Essential if you are going near water.

You’ve had a lot of great advice here. I just wanted to say reading your posts you sound like such a good Mum and a genuinely kind person. Your children are very lucky.

After a similar experience with DD I booked her into lessons with a chain I shan't name who swore they were experienced with ASD children - long story short, they weren't, which has actually made things a bit worse as she still can't swim but does have what they optimistically call "water confidence." Not posting to scare you but just to share information, please do make sure that the lessons are provided by someone who has genuine experience with ASD children. DD is now on the waiting list for 1:1 lessons with a local teacher who specialises in ASD.

You poor thing, how terrifying! My DS is also autistic, and when he was about 4 DH and I were with family by a fast moving river, and each of us thought he was with the other. When I missed him I found him leaning over the edge looking at the water - the fear of what could have happened haunted me for years!

I took him to swimming lessons from about age 5 - but he couldn't really get on with the group lessons so we ended up having private lessons once a week. My county has a scheme where they fund children who have EHCPs to attend activities or holidays etc, giving parents a sum which used to be about £400 a year (think it's less now). I used that to pay for the lessons, and he now swims like an absolute fish! If you can afford it, or get some help - that may be worth looking into?

I'm sure thats really helpful.

My DS is autistic. OP, there will almost always be an instructor at your local pool who will do one-to-one intensive lessons with your DS and will have experience of working with kids on the spectrum.
Look up local summer swim camps and ask if they offer one-to-one intensive lessons over the holidays.
Every half-term/Easter/Christmas/and now summer holidays, I sign my DS up for a daily one-to-one week long camp (this summer he will do two weeks). It's half and hour every day. I need to take out a small mortgage every time I sign him up, but it is just worth it.
He is 8 and is an excellent swimmer and diver... unusual for a child who really isn't in the least bit interested in anything athletic. But he LOVES the water and now is a good swimmer.

You did nothing wrong OP, your child is safe and you’ve had a huge fright. Swimming lessons are so important as many on the thread have advised.

We live on the banks of a tidal loch and there’s SO many places around us where people (especially tourists) think it’s safe to paddle or swim. What they don’t realise is when the tide comes in it rushes in and nearby innocent looking streams or low flowing inlets turn dangerous. The loch looks like glass but unless you know the area you wouldn’t know the dangers of the water. I often see TikTok videos of people swimming in what looks like innocent pools from waterfalls from the mountains, what they don’t realise is the current under those calm looking blue pools. They’re beautiful to look at but I personally wouldn’t swim in them let alone dangle my feet in due to the risk of being sucked under with the currents.

No matter how many times you tell children the dangers of wandering away or of water accidents happen. I hope your DS is ok.

It is! Children should never be unsupervised for a second near water, especially wild water. I see people most weeks thinking “oh it’s just a loch” but they don’t realise it’s tidal and the tide literally rushes in the last hour. I’ve also seen people swimming with children in really dangerous pools where the water comes off the mountains that the locals avoid. As I said earlier, the pools look beautiful, however the force of the water creates undercurrents in the pools. There’s also so many undercurrents in rivers.