Best CF stories please

[Changedagain876]

My CF SIL has pissed me right off. Please tell me your CF stories to make me feel better.

@CatrinVennastin , one of those CFs wasn’t a Brit. In fact quite a number of the parents weren’t, and maybe I was lucky but I knew no other CFs among many parent friends.

Woman I worked with was moving to a new rental flat and asked if DP and I would help her move. She'd paid for a man with a van and when we arrived at her flat, her strapping 17 year old son was there too. Great, should be quick easy move with 5 of us shifting everything. Nope, DP, the Man and I all lugged everything up and down stairs, and loaded the van, work woman and her son, fannied about cellotaping boxes and didn't move a thing.

When the first van load was dropped off, we said we couldn't stay for any more van runs, and left. CF.

This is a long one!

My good friend lived across the road from me and had two dc about the same ages as mine..so they used to play together a lot while we would chat. She was what I call a lazy parent, if her dc were misbehaving she would just yell endlessly at them to stop rather than standing up and going over to talk to them and enforce what she was saying (dont hit your brother type stuff). It was a pain but she was lovely apart from that so I just ignored the yelling.

They ended up buying another house in the same town and on moving day she had booked a moving company to pack everything in boxes for her and then move them to the new house. She wasnt sending her dc to nursery for the day, so they could ‘help’ (crazy idea) and so was outside with them waiting for the movers when one fell off his bike and cut his chin. She immediately decided he needed an ambulance and merrily headed off to A and E with him asking me to look after her older dc for ‘an hour’ and to let the movers in. I was meant to be packing for our holiday we were leaving at 6 am the next morning and had my baby dc home with me and my 3 older dc at school/nursery, so had a lot to pack and not much time to do it in (which she knew). I of course said yes and took her dc home for a cuddle and a biscuit. When the movers arrived, they took one look at the state she had left the house in (breakfast dishes everywhere and toys scattered) and said it was not what they had agreed to do…so I talked them into staying and I washed dishes and picked up toys while they did the other rooms… no contact from friend. 3 hours later I call and she says she will send her Mum over to get her dc (why didnt she do that earlier?). I then had to ask another friend to watch my baby and her dc while I did the nursery pick up as I didnt have a car seat for him. Then the movers said they needed to move my friends car out of the garage to get to the stuff stored in front of it and where were the keys, so I call my friend again..the keys were in the hall table..which the movers had packed already…so I had to sort that out. Her Mum picked up the dc 15 mins before school pick up (I was beside myself that she wouldnt be there in time and I would be late for my dc) as she had taken her own sweet time about calling her Mum. My friend eventually rocked up home in a taxi with her injured dc at 4pm when everything had been moved, I had had to take my dc over to the new house and tell them where to put furniture and boxes, I hadnt packed a thing for my holiday and when I asked how the A and E experience was she said it was very efficient, that they put in 2 stitches and were out in 90 mins but she had taken her dc out for a treat day as he had been so brave and they had gone to the toys shop, for a nice lunch and then to a film in the afternoon. She then had the gall to complain about how tired she was and that she still had to unpack. She suggested that they could maybe eat at our house and I could just throw something easy in my oven.

I declined and was up until midnight packing like a maniac, and then had to manage 2 flights with 4 dc and a husband who had got home from a business trip at 2 am himself and so was completely wiped out as well. We did have a nice holiday, but boy did I need it. I never agreed to look after her dc again although we did continue to be friends, she just had a massive blind spot about understanding why anyone and everyone wouldnt want to help her with her dc

Omg my jaw is on the floor!

If bossy interference counts as CFery, here’s one that happened on the same ME compound I mentioned earlier.

Neighbour’s son, Brit mother, non-Brit father, maybe 12 at the time, decided that he didn’t want to participate in the school swimming gala at the compound pool. (NB, it was not the English-Speaking school.)

A (non Brit) friend of his mother, with form for extreme bossiness that could often amount to bullying, marched into their house and into his room, and told him he was going, get your things, I’ll drag you there if I have to.

As I was later told, the boy said, ‘You might boss everybody else about, Mrs X, but you’re not going to boss me.’
And he didn’t go.
As I later told his mother (so often bossed by that bloody woman) I would have been thoroughly proud of him!

@SeaToSki , unbelievable!!

How do some people have the utter gall to behave like that?

DD and I had recently moved to a new city after escaping an abusive relationship. I was working FT but not exactly rich as a single mum who wasn't getting maintenance and had a DD in full time childcare...

As I was new to the city I was trying really hard to make new friends by being super nice to everyone, even people who might not normally be my cup of tea, especially if DD was friendly with their kids. DD gravitated towards a lovely girl whose mum definitely wasn't "my type" but I tried to make it work for their sake. It was clear their home life wasn't very happy and mum publicised a lot of their issues on Facebook. As we approached the summer holidays, mum put up a post pleading people to share a few tins from their shopping as she couldn't get a food bank referral but she couldn't feed her kids. I couldn't bear the thought of her DD being hungry or living just off tins for a summer so I bought them a family shop to include some fresh stuff but also long life. Mum was really grateful for it. A few days later a post pops up on Facebook of a lovely family snap at an expensive beach side restaurant I'd never have been able to afford. Somehow, despite the fact she couldn't afford food at home, they'd managed to find enough for dinner out

The girls are still friends many years later and there are still begging posts on Facebook semi regularly but I make sure now to spoil only the DD with sleepovers, meals out etc but I do feel bad for the other kids in the house, CF mum did tell me it wasn't fair to only treat one kid 🙄

Because people let them?
When I was reading that post I was surprised at the CFy but also the fact that the poster actually did those things beyond looking after 1 child while the other one went to A&E

This was a charity I’ve supported for years (Dogs’ Trust) but this incident almost made me cancel my direct debit. I still think I probably should have - and told them why.

A friend left the house he and his 2nd wife had lived in for 20 years, to the charity. His solicitor had advised leaving them the house, not the proceeds of the sale, otherwise there’d be endless hassle - why hasn’t it sold yet, why didn’t it sell for more money, etc. So evidently this is not an uncommon thing at all.

Should add that the wife was amply provided for with other assets, and in any case would not have wanted to stay in that house - a substantial 4 bed.
But she was allowed to stay for up to 3 years.

Dh was executor, so I knew all the ins and outs. The charity was very quickly informed of the terms of the will.

Roll on at least 18 months, during which time the widow was busy clearing the house, making her own arrangements for moving elsewhere, and besides which for various reasons had some very distressing matters to cope with.

Lo, she then received a letter from the charity - who had long been informed of the terms of the will - basically to say, ‘Oh, by the way, it’d be much easier for us if you could just sell the house yourself and give us the money. Thanks.’

I could not believe the cheek of it. Friend was made very anxious by it. All they had to do was pass the keys to a local estate agent - they have their own in-house solicitors to deal with legalities - but expected her to undertake all that extra hassle herself.

Pleased to say that dh wrote them a stiff letter, basically telling them in not quite so many words to fuck off - they would get the house under the terms of the will, which they were well aware of. So kindly desist from distressing our friend any further.

@bbqhulahoop

The girls are still friends many years later and there are still begging posts on Facebook semi regularly but I make sure now to spoil only the DD with sleepovers, meals out etc but I do feel bad for the other kids in the house, CF mum did tell me it wasn't fair to only treat one kid

Some people have skin like rhinos.. 🌹

Quite.
Every CF needs a doormat or they can't wipe their feet.

People confuse weakness and niceness.

I had to stay all day...
No you didn't.

I had to clean the whole house and mow the lawn...
Nope.

I had to keep her kids for the week...
Social services are a phone call away.

I had to pay for their shopping/meal/drinks.
Excuse me, waiter, please give me my bill. My friend will be paying separately.

Etc

So I do agree with you and that incident was the straw that broke the camels back - so to speak. But up to that point our friendship had been pretty reciprocal with plenty of give and take. After the moving house incident I had a think about the dynamics of how our relationship had worked and realised that I would offer help to her (or she would ask) but always had to ask her to help me as she rarely offered help. If I asked her she did step up but she just couldnt look at a situation and go ‘Sea has her hands full why dont I go and get snacks for all the dc’. but if I said ‘any chance you could run inside and grab some snacks for all the dc’ she would happily do it.

I think with the house moving, she just couldnt see that leaving me to cope with all my dc, her dc and the move would be too much, she was just focussed on her injured dc. The problem was that I couldnt ever balance that incident out by asking her for reciprocal help in any equivalent quantity, so I chalked it up to a great learning moment for me and changed the dynamic of our friendship in how and how often I offered her help. We are still friends today, but under a different dynamic than it used to be.

I think there are two types of CF. Those that know what they are doing is unreasonable or grabby and just dont care because they want their outcome no matter who it hurts or inconveniences and those that are just oblivious, maybe they were not taught empathy as children themselves. Those CFs I have a little more patience with, but they still have to be ‘handled’ so that you dont end up facilitating their lives like I did on that moving day.

I may have posted this before, but for those people saying when CFs give you a lot less than you give them for birthdays, etc, why don't you just give them less - this was my experience of doing just that:

A couple among my in-laws (call them X) always sent tokens for birthdays & Christmas, & DH sent them tokens in return. It's not what my family did, so I left him to get on with it, thinking it was daft just to exchange the same amount of money.

Then I realised that while DH was sending them £20 per person in tokens every time, they always sent us £10 per person! This annoyed me, because we were just starting out while they were older, had higher salaries & owned their home (& seemed grabby in other ways, too).

After a little (ahem!) persuasion from me, DH sent them £10 per person. All was now equitable, I thought. Until our birthdays came round, & X sent us £5 per person!

So X fell into the category of 'CFs who know exactly what they're doing'.

A second example, from my family:

A person stopped sending cards when she got engaged, no idea why. As she was younger than me, I carried on with cards etc. She always sent us free e-cards. This went on for a long time, until I wondered if perhaps I was embarrassing her by sending cards when she didn't, or whether they were unwelcome. Perhaps she'd prefer that I did what she did, I thought. So on her next birthday I, too, sent a free e-card. My birthday after that, she sent me 'Happy birthday' written in an email - not even a free e-card!

Some people just feel they're owed, & the world is out of kilter unless they get back more than they give. No idea why.

DH has a cheeky fucker friend. There are so so so many ways in which he is a cheeky fucker so I will not go into all of it.

But on the gifts front. He made me a few of his male friends wives godparents to his Dcs. i was so touched and then one day when he was a bit pissed he laughed about it and said it was because men (i.e. his male friends) never remember to give presents for chistmas and birthdays but women always do and that is why they chose the wives.

Then one year he came to stay with us for 8 days. This is a fairly regular event because he has an annual work conference in our area and eh stays with us (for free) and pockets accomm expenses. last year he actually for the first time ever brought a hostess gift. It was a fairly expensive candle. I was really touched. Until he said his wife got it in her office secret santa and she hates candles.

Then when I ring and ask him what DS1 and DD1 might want for christmas he always but always lists somethihg really expensive. Box sets. Kindles. A complete set of Chelsea football kit. First few years I would grit my teeth and get on with it. While asking for his godson in return something like a roblox gioftcard for a tenner etc.

last year I did not bother to ask him what his children wanted. I just sent them each a cheque for £25.00 each. he never sent my children anything but left me an e-mail message saying that sending money was 'crass'.

I'd stop sending anything at all to him or his family. He told you he asked you to be godparent for the presents you'd give ffs. At least he's open about being a user.

Yep right with you. last year was the 'money is crass' e-mail. This year they get nothing.

And although I hate to punich the children for the greed of their father I have made the decision to take the relatively token amount I was leaving his children in my will out. Hopefully I am not passing away for a good 30 years plus but I am fucked off enough I am taking no chances.

** punish

@ackeeandpeas

last year I did not bother to ask him what his children wanted. I just sent them each a cheque for £25.00 each. he never sent my children anything but left me an e-mail message saying that sending money was 'crass'.

Then you know what to do for next Christmas. Hold the line OP. 🌹

As @ackeeandpeas did, the first year X had a child, DH & I asked what to give her for Xmas. X gave us one option: in today's equivalent money it cost £150! We didn't spend anything like that on each other, let alone someone's child. We felt we had to give it, since we'd asked, but we agreed between ourselves never to ask them again, just to choose what we wanted to give.

X's present to me that year cost £1. I kid you not.

Typical of charities I'm afraid. They are like vultures if they get wind of a bequest. I've seen it so many times. They actually employ people to check each will (they are public documents on death) and will then hassle until they get their share.

I have not actually named the charities I want to benefit in my will but have left a letter of instruction to my executors with the names there instead.That way they won't be pressurising my family.

Went to the supermarket with a 'friend'.
At checkout 'friend' couldn't find her purse.
I paid.
Back at her house instead of paying me what she owed she told me she would cut my hair.

Same friend went to a car boot sale and told me about some handbags.
She said the bags were awful but under a fiver each and she was going to flog them online for a bit of a profit.
A week later was my Birthday.
I got a bag.

Great idea. Please, please start one 🤞🤞🤞

As a self-confessed people pleaser, these stories fill me with absolute horror! 😱

I love these.

I’d love this. I always get so het up reading these threads and start imagining what I’d say, even tho in reality I probably wouldn’t even realise I’d been taken advantage of until about five years later!