If you don’t like being asked “are you ok?”, what do you like to be asked?

[IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece]

I have a lovely friend who hate being asked “are you ok?” Or “hope you’re ok” and I’m never sure what to say instead so normally fumble my way through!

so just thought I’d ask, what do people prefer instead!

We say how are things? Whether it is good, bad, medium covers everything.

How are you doing? How's things? What's new with you? What have you been up to recently?

It's a very irritating opening to conversation.
Pointless question.
I cannot stand it!!!
If I'm not OK, you asking is not going to prompt a confession and would irritate me.
If I am OK, I really don't need to advertise it.
Then I'd feel like perhaps I should ask the s same back and how thoughtless of me to be so insensitive.
Only suitable when some stranger looks like they might be in a spot of bother and you could offer support. Or if it's someone close and you know they are sad but then the tone would be different.

And it also feels like the person asking the question is fishing for gossip. It never feels like genuine concern or like small talk.

I find this thread helpful. I am terrible at small talk and will often break a comfortable silence with an occasional "are you OK" to my boyfriend. I never know what else to say - it's not that we having nothing to talk about but I just can't make small talk, never have been able to.

“How are things?”

I'm strugglng with this. I volunteer for someone who is in chronic pain, has limited mobility so he doesn't get out much. Basically, his true answer is "Still hurts!" if I ask "How are you?"

How has your day going so far, or week.

The word ok is problematic as you are injecting an emotion - it's not an open question at all

More specific is how are things, but asking this at the appropriate opening

What's going on in your life that you'd like to talk about?

How is life treating you? Whats big in your world?

How’s tricks. Or the northern “now then”. - although more usually said after you’ve not seen someone for a bit. But on reflection I never ask someone who I see regularly how they are, I just say hello. Or now then!

"Are you ok" translates as "I've heard things are tough for you and am concerned / faux concerned. Best avoided unless with close family and friends and then only in the right moment. This phrase implies that you think something is up with the person you're asking. HTH.

Ahem, maybe if you are a therapist, otherwise, no, it's an intrusive questions.

'Are you OK' implies something is wrong..

'How are you' would be better

@Branster has got it with

Only suitable when some stranger looks like they might be in a spot of bother and you could offer support. Or if it's someone close and you know they are sad but then the tone would be different.

Why are you asking her?

If it's a conversation opener then how about just saying hi. Maybe something about the weather, or TV, anything pointless like that works

There is a mum on the school run who asks the most intrusive questions every time I bump into her every day. Like really detailed, probing questions about my new job, my dc' s school work, my dc's hobbies, my holiday plans. I have nothing against small talk and letting these subjects come up organically but it's like she interrogate you and then keeps asking more and more personal questions. She is a huge gossip though and you can be sure that what ever you tell her will be talked about with the other mums. She is insufferable. I have had to learn strategies to deflect these questions. What a nosy parker.

I don’t like it much as well but it depends on circumstances. If I stumbled, it’s fine. If I just met a group of friends in town, it’s a strange thing to ask.
I think the trick is to add why you are asking: Are you ok? You seem upset/tired/ not usual self etc.

Oh, what's occuring?

I've always asked someone if they're ok because I care and want to hear their answer. Maybe, I should stop.

"Are you ok?" seems to require a yes or no answer.

"How are you?" How are you doing?" or "How's things?" opens up the conversation more.

"How are you?" is fine. I had one friend who whenever I saw her she'd suddenly start staring at me in a concerned way and say "Are you OK?!". She'd say it with such serious concern. When I said "Yes, I'm fine. Why?" she'd just carry on saying "Are you sure you're OK?". It was so bizarre! I was always perfectly content. It ended up really annoying me. It made me feel self conscious and a bit upset really. One day I snapped and said "Why do you always ask this? I'm fine! It really gets me down when you keep implying something is wrong with me!". She hasn't done it since. Another mutual male friend went out with her once and he said she spent half the night asking him if he was OK too. He said it ruined his night!

Omg @SallyWD I know someone who does this and it drives me mad! That's so great that you actually said that to her. Really curious how she reacted when you said it? (and glad to hear she stopped doing it!)

Some people have a pained or anxious resting face so very empathetic or nosey people ask Are you ok?!
How are you can open a can of worms with some people, you ok/are you ok is a short how are you with a yes or no answer.
How are you when most of us dont really want or care to know how you actually are is the standard but it's also so fake because we 99% of the time don't mean it and just going through the motion of polite conversation. you alright/you ok is a quicker way of checking on you. I don't care if you're great, or feeling sad or whatever just answer yes or no.