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Original poster

Am I weird for really enjoying going to school events?

34 replies

elliejjtiny · 11/07/2022 01:28

It was dc1's year 11 prom last week. Really amazing evening. I took so many photos, may have welled up a bit. Loads of other parents there to see the year 11's arrive plus quite a few grandparents, siblings etc. DS just had me as DH didn't want to go so he ended up looking after the younger dc at home.

DC4 had his school concert also last week. PIL were at our house visiting. I ask if they want to come but they both shudder and say they would rather chop their own arms off. Fine, it's not for everyone. DH and I go and I love it, dh not so much but dc4 is so happy to see us both.

Next week is dc2's end of year 9 celebration at school. Normally at the end of the year it's just the children getting special awards who go but for year 9 they all go and get a certificate for "graduating key stage 3". Dc1 didn't get one due to covid and dc2 is really excited about being the first of his siblings to do something for a change. DC2 excitedly told PIL about it and they did eye rolls and little comments about having "seen it all now" and "didn't bother with that in my day". I'm really looking forward to it and I'm so proud of dc2.

It makes me wonder if I'm really weird for loving this kind of thing? For context my dc all have SN and DC2 attempted suicide last year so I'm very appreciative of the things that a lot of parents might take for granted. I know it sounds dramatic but we are very lucky that dc2 is here to finish year 9.

OP posts:

OdeToSadDisco · 11/07/2022 01:36

I love school events too. I'd find it odd for parents or grandparents to not want to go .

Original poster

elliejjtiny · 11/07/2022 09:21

Thankyou. I was beginning to worry that I was weird.

OP posts:

ScarlettOHaraHamiltonKennedyButler · 11/07/2022 09:36

I love school events. Sometimes they are really inconvenient in terms of work but if I can go then I will be there. DH and my parents never miss then either but the in laws never go to anything for the DC's as they aren't interested which is their loss.

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HoneyFlowers · 11/07/2022 09:44

I love all events like that. I find it odd that parents put their kids school reports in bin straight away!

SheWoreYellow · 11/07/2022 09:45

I find them a bit stressful but kind of enjoy them too. I thought most people enjoyed them.

DockOTheBay · 11/07/2022 09:47

I think you're the normal one and the grandparents just sound like grumpy gits.

DockOTheBay · 11/07/2022 09:48

Also do your in laws know your DC2s mental health history, it seems very cold for them to roll their eyes and tut at his excitement and happiness!!

DappledThings · 11/07/2022 09:53

I like the bits that are performances, so was sorry last year's Nativity was cancelled again for covid. Love watching them on stage in any capacity.

The ones that seem like pointlessly making milestones out of something not so much. DD had her leavers' picnic at nursery last week. Was a day it was easier for DH to get out of work than me so he went. They did a ceremony with giving them a certificate and a teddy. Just seems weirdly overblown to me to make every single transition such a big deal.

We had a Year 11 prom, 27 years ago, and I hated it. Didn't want to go but was persuaded. Hated all the kerfuffle and car hire and all of it. 4 of us spent most of the night just chatting outside, which we could have done in the park in jeans. If DC like the idea when they are older I'll be totally enthusiastic about it to support them but if they don't fancy it I'll not be trying to persuade them otherwise.

Original poster

elliejjtiny · 11/07/2022 09:54

@DockOTheBay yes they do.

I love how excited dc2 is. I've been instructed today to email the school and ask if he has to wear school uniform because if not he needs to start planning his outfit.

OP posts:

DappledThings · 11/07/2022 09:55

DC2 excitedly told PIL about it and they did eye rolls and little comments about having "seen it all now" and "didn't bother with that in my day".
I totally get how they feel but would never show that in front of the child.

Blossomandbee · 11/07/2022 10:04

I don't think your in laws sound very nice tbh, and they could have hidden their feelings from your DC.
I watched my DC's prom last week too and I loved it. I had never been to one before and I loved the atmosphere and watching them all arriving in nice cars dressed up.
To be honest I've never really enjoyed the school plays, but that's because it's always overcrowded at my DC's school, standing room only and you can't see a thing. Plus mine have never had proper parts and don't enjoy performing. But I've always gone and certainly don't hate going.

shinynewapple22 · 11/07/2022 10:08

I used to love school events too. Think we only had them for primary school though and possibly early secondary years . DS wouldn't let me anywhere near his Y11 prom!

shinynewapple22 · 11/07/2022 10:10

I'm pleased that things are better for your DC2 now OP. Must have been an awful time for you .

AuntieMarys · 11/07/2022 10:13

I was very involved in primary/ secondary school events but frankly wouldn't be for a grandchild.
We were invited to Dh's grandchildren sports day and politely declined.

Original poster

elliejjtiny · 11/07/2022 10:17

@DappledThings I never went to my year 11 prom, hated the idea of it. I would never try and persuade my dc to go to an event like that but when they do want to go then I will embrace it wholeheartedly.

Nursery/preschool graduation was only just becoming a thing when my older 2 were little and their preschools didn't start doing it until the year after dc2 left. DC3 didn't go to preschool and then dc4 and dc5 went to SEN preschool. Most of the children there including mine wouldn't have coped with any kind of special event so they did a "leavers party" which was just a normal preschool session but with party food at snack time instead of the usual yoghurt, mini cheddars and a drink. Then at pick up time the parents of each leaver were given a bag, containing a certificate signed by the staff, a book and a folder with a copy of their preschool record book in. Parents weren't allowed to attend in case it upset or confused the children which was fair enough and no photos were allowed although I did manage to take one of dc5 stood outside the preschool on his last day.

DN left her mainstream nursery at the same time as dc5 left his SEN one. She had a beautiful graduation ceremony with the dc in morter boards (can't spell sorry) and gowns parading around and a member of staff saying lovely things about each individual child. After listening to BIL moaning that he'd had to go and what a massive waste of time it was I may have had a bit of a go at him. DN loved it and told me all about the graduation in great detail. Meanwhile dc5 didn't understand much of his, but was just happy that he had a new book and got to eat nice biscuits.

OP posts:

FourChimneys · 11/07/2022 10:32

It's not so much about whether the parents or grandparents will enjoy the event in its own right, but about supporting and celebrating the child.

There was a girl in my DDs class who came from a really dysfunctional family and her parents never went to anything. She would often be in tears. A few of us mums would always make a point of praising her achievements but it wasn't the same as having a parent there.

I can still remember my absolute delight and excitement when my Dad took a very rare afternoon off work to go to my school play. Over 50 years ago now but it meant so much.

Personally, I loved all school events, from Reception class assembly to Leavers party in Y13.

Snoopsnoggysnog · 11/07/2022 10:38

I love school events and I’m lucky to be able to arrange my work diary to attend most of them. I have twins and it’s all going by in a flash. I can understand if you have multiple DC at different ages it must be a hassle or a bit boring but for me it’s all too quick.

If I’m lucky enough to have GC I’ll be at all their events if invited! Your PIL seem very cold especially given your DC history
enjoy the events

SpikeyHatePotato · 11/07/2022 10:42

Oh I love school events, I’m very lucky my job is flexible enough I can make the majority of them. DH is a bit hit and miss but does come to what he can easily make, less likely to make an effort to get time of work if you see what I mean?
my mum also loves coming to anything involving the dc, and will always make sure she goes if neither DH or I can make it.

WimpoleHat · 11/07/2022 10:46

I hate school events. I go, but I can’t stand them - they’re so performative and most of the time are for the parents, not the kids. I wish the school would spend more time on things that genuinely benefit the children, not performances for the parents to come a send take photos…..

HarmALlama · 11/07/2022 10:59

I love them too, OP.

I also think that the leavers events are designed to help the kids process the idea of imminent change. We just left my primary school with no fuss, and it all just felt a bit surreal and confusing.

Also, any excuse for a party.

DappledThings · 11/07/2022 11:16

I also think that the leavers events are designed to help the kids process the idea of imminent change. We just left my primary school with no fuss, and it all just felt a bit surreal and confusing.
I remember the last day of primary being a lot of running around and eating biscuits and that was it. Maybe I was weird but I would have found any kind of ceremony embarrassing and silly. I get the idea of processing the transition well but I'm not sure we haven't gone too far the other way.

DC2 is about to start school in September. She is about to have her third visit to the school before starting. DC1 started in the midst of covid so had none of this and I'm sure it was easier for him, it was just the next step he was taking without making a big deal of it that made him think it was scarier than it was.

ClaryFairchild · 11/07/2022 11:49

I remember my DSs nursery "graduation". They got certificates and something lovely was said by the nursery manager who was absolutely sobbing by that end of it (and so were the parents, she set us all off!). She loved the kids and adored seeing them after they left as they grew up.

Triffid1 · 11/07/2022 11:55

I also love a good school event. My mum got SIL to FaceTime neice's first ever christmas concert as she had a small solo and mum didn't live near them! And the DC absolutely love it when grandparents etc turn up.

MIL is a bit useless at these things. It's not that she doesn't want to see the event, it's more that she's totally unwilling to inconvenience herself. I find it really sad but have stopped suggesting things or mentioning her attendance to the DC because they're just going to be disappointed when she says no.

RockinHorseShit · 11/07/2022 12:16

Yes, you're weird. We hated such events... or we are weird, who knows or cares, the world would be a very dull place if we were all the same😆

Snoopsnoggysnog · 11/07/2022 13:24

But really who hates watching their own DC perform?

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