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Original poster

A perfect gentleman or just not interested?

30 replies

SnowyLamb · 09/07/2022 20:42

I've been out on a social thing today. About a dozen of us went to do activity and then had a pub lunch. After lunch people drifted off but me and one man stayed until 8pm.. Both absolutely sozzled by this point. We had a good day, shared lots of stuff. He actually cried real tears when telling me about his crappy parents.

We're both middle aged and fairly recently single. I'm a couple of years older.

We got the train home together, he was fun and courteous. Then we said goodbye, swift peck on the cheek.

Nothing there?

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 09/07/2022 20:45

You didn’t make any hint to him of being interested, why didn’t you give him your number? Men are not mind readers…

Original poster
SnowyLamb · 09/07/2022 20:48

Sandra1984 · 09/07/2022 20:45

You didn’t make any hint to him of being interested, why didn’t you give him your number? Men are not mind readers…

He's already got my number as part of the social thing

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 09/07/2022 20:59

SnowyLamb · 09/07/2022 20:48

He's already got my number as part of the social thing

Show quote history

Then you should have told him in a casual way to grab a beer sometime. The thing is you showed no interest, and some men are shy. We should not expect men to always take the initiative. OR he may be in a relationship and besides a nice chat he doesn’t plan to take this further.

PetersRabbitt · 09/07/2022 21:01

Text him, he sounds like a good egg!

SpaghettiNotCourgetti · 09/07/2022 21:02

Have you got his number? If so, text him and tell him that you enjoyed your evening together and suggest doing it again. Life's too short not to shoot your shot.

WTF475878237NC · 09/07/2022 21:06

I don't understand why you think he's not interested. It's an hour after you said goodbye. Give the bloke a chance! Does he have to proposition you for sex for you to think he's interested?! Maybe he just enjoyed offloading about life or maybe he is interested.

Lovemusic33 · 09/07/2022 21:08

Just text him?

something similar happened to me a few years ago, went to a party where I didn’t really know anyone, ended up chatting to a guy all night, quite deep and meaningful at times, both pretty drunk by the end of the night (him more so), shared a taxi home and than I never saw him again. I kind of regret not getting his number but then again he was pretty drunk and probably wouldn’t remember half the evening 🤣

offyoufuckcuntychops · 09/07/2022 21:09

"Crying real tears" about his crappy parents would make me run a mile. I have been involved with a cryer, and it was all "me, me, me". All the bloody time.

I'd also have my doubts about how well you might get on under normal circs if you were both sozzled (no objection to being sozzled, btw - much to recommend it).

All that said, you may not be put off by the crying, and he may well be interested, but there's only one way to find out!

HandThatRocksTheCrayCray · 09/07/2022 21:11

Even 'just' as a friend I would text the guy and say you hope he's ok and that you enjoyed his company. He may be painfully aware he shared some painful memories and might appreciate a supportive message and a signal that you found being with him an enjoyable experience.

takeitandleaveit · 09/07/2022 21:21

Sounds like a gentleman to me. Wait and see what he's like next time you see him.

RenegadeMatron · 09/07/2022 21:28

Did you expect him to launch himself on you at the end of the night, with an expectation of sex? That’s grim. It’s a good thing he didn’t do that.

Just message him, and see if he’d be keen to catch up sometime soon. The worst that might happen is he says no.

Polichinelle · 09/07/2022 23:55

You have his number as part of the social group. Text him tomorrow and suggest you meet again soon

buttermut · 10/07/2022 00:18

Text him and ask him if he's hanging after the night before as an ice breaker Grin

Original poster
SnowyLamb · 10/07/2022 10:10

Polichinelle · 09/07/2022 23:55

You have his number as part of the social group. Text him tomorrow and suggest you meet again soon

I feel like I might be dying. He was supposed to be working at 5am😆

OP posts:
cafcass123 · 10/07/2022 10:11

Crying? This early on?! Red flag.

Original poster
SnowyLamb · 10/07/2022 10:11

offyoufuckcuntychops · 09/07/2022 21:09

"Crying real tears" about his crappy parents would make me run a mile. I have been involved with a cryer, and it was all "me, me, me". All the bloody time.

I'd also have my doubts about how well you might get on under normal circs if you were both sozzled (no objection to being sozzled, btw - much to recommend it).

All that said, you may not be put off by the crying, and he may well be interested, but there's only one way to find out!

It wasn't that kind of crying. He was fighting not to cry and then changed the subject. Plus we'd had a lot to drink!

OP posts:
Original poster
SnowyLamb · 10/07/2022 10:14

There are plenty of red flags BTW. He's not someone I'd want an actual relationship with, but it was disappointing that the thought doesn't appear to have crossed his mind 😆

OP posts:
hattie43 · 10/07/2022 10:22

Well it's not fair to encourage him if you don't want to see him/ take things further .
Sounds like you just want your ego stroked . Not cool to mess people about

Original poster
SnowyLamb · 10/07/2022 10:25

hattie43 · 10/07/2022 10:22

Well it's not fair to encourage him if you don't want to see him/ take things further .
Sounds like you just want your ego stroked . Not cool to mess people about

There's a world of difference between enjoying a little flirting, maybe even some sex (although that's not what I was expecting or hoping for last night) and wanting a proper relationship.

Anyway, despite the drink, he behaved completely as if we were friends. Which is fine and good, but also interesting.

OP posts:
GingerLiberalFeminist · 10/07/2022 10:27

I wouldn't put too much weight on this, his friendly reveal or otherwise. I used to do this and over think every interaction.

If he is interested he'll either text you or make a beeline for you at another event. Even painfully shy guys will.

Like others have said, I'd take his immense emotional divulgence as a potential warning sign. Someone with few boundaries who talks about child hood trauma when drunk with someone they don't know well is not a good sign.

Original poster
SnowyLamb · 10/07/2022 10:30

He wasn't talking about his childhood, more how difficult his parents are now and how the uncle who'd been a father figure to him had died fairly recently. I can't for the life of me remember how it came up though.

OP posts:
CheeseCakeSunflowers · 10/07/2022 10:44

I'm confused, so you don't want a relationship with him but your surprised that he doesn't appear to want a relationship with you, have I got that right? Are you super good looking and use to having men chase you, I'm the opposite, nothing special to look at and surprised if a man appears interested in anything more than a pleasant chat.

Original poster
SnowyLamb · 10/07/2022 11:12

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 10/07/2022 10:44

I'm confused, so you don't want a relationship with him but your surprised that he doesn't appear to want a relationship with you, have I got that right? Are you super good looking and use to having men chase you, I'm the opposite, nothing special to look at and surprised if a man appears interested in anything more than a pleasant chat.

I'm not used to me chasing me no, but I am used to drunk men being a bit over familiar. He wasn't, to the extent that it felt quite unusual.

I worked in a high pressure male dominated industry for most of my career. The men were perfectly professional at work, but after a drink, when letting off steam....

OP posts:
RollOnWinter · 10/07/2022 11:30

You wonder why this bloke didn't make any suggestion to see you again but then you say he's not someone you'd want an actual relationship with. What do you want? I'd say leave the bloke alone.

Original poster
SnowyLamb · 10/07/2022 11:33

He's in the middle of a divorce and I'm recently widowed. He might be "someone" under different circumstances, but not now.

He's absolutely done the right thing, but that is unusual after a day's drinking, when we tend to act on instinct rather than common sense IME.

OP posts: