Worst accidental insult you've had?

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

I'm massively busy just now and on the train yesterday I was going through everything in my head, sort of a planning conversation with myself. A woman opposite asked if I was ok and when I asked why she said I was nodding my head a lot. Clearly answering myself in my head! We laughed about it and a woman across the aisle said "when you get to our age you start talking to yourself." I asked what her age was and she said 64.

I'm 42.

He meant to say you are lovely as you are without using make up

And it took him a "good few tries" to realise ugly was not synonymous with lovely? That's quite strange.

When a colleague saw me in my wedding photos. “Wow, you look beautiful! Amazing what a bit of make-up can do!”

My sister told me that her lodger's boyfriend told she looked like a faded 80's popstar, realised that it might sound rude and amended it to 'retired'. I think he thought it was a compliment and to be fair, English isn't his first language.

In one of my early jobs there was a guy who worked in IT who was incredibly good looking, and had just one hand. All the female staff seemed to offer to help him with stuff (carrying boxes etc.) and invariably would ask if he needed a hand. He took it all without upset, as I think he appreciated the intent.

Been on the receiving end of quite a few.

1. Took DC out to the local shops a good few years ago. I'm an older mother, but I don't think I look that haggared (probably deluding myself). Woman in the shop started talking to DC about how nice it was that 'granny' had brought them out for the day. I said, "Actually I'm mum, not granny." - instead of any vague acknowledgement of any faux pas, the woman then said, "are you sure?". At which point I offered to show her my c-section scar.
2. Similar situation - at a vintage car rally. Woman looks over at DC who was behaving beautifully and looking at a vintage mini, and says, "Oh, that would have been a classic when your nanna was young" and smiled over at me. I pointed out that one of DC's nannas was dead and was young in the 1940s, and the other nanna's heyday preceded this model of car by at least a decade.
3. My late aunt, who had dementia, lived her last few years in a care home. We went to visit frequently and would take her out for a walk in the local area, have tea, etc. One day we picked her up and I was wearing a new dress. She took a moment to recognise me and then said, "Oh Zarquon, you look really good for.....[then stopped to have a think]....whatever age you are."
4. In my 20's, much slimmer than I am now, wearing a floaty summer top over a fitted vest - waiting at a bus stop. A woman wanders up, smiles at me and asks, "When's it due?" I said I didn't know the timetable well, but I thought we had about 10 minutes to wait. "No," she said, "I meant your baby." I did tell her that I wasn't pregnant and she got quite affronted and said, "Well, that top shows off a bump".

One my DH accidentally said. We became friendly with a young Czech couple in the UK who were working as the housekeeper and handyman on a country estate, the handyman’s work at the time involved estate maintenance including eg repairing fences. They told us that they were saving money in the UK to go back to the Czech Republic and ‘work in their own fields’. DH said something like, ‘Oh do you have land there?’, and the guy replied, ‘No! I mean the field of business management which we both have a degree in - we are not all peasants in the Czech Republic you know!’ 🤦‍♀️

FWIW I once made the ‘You must be X’s granny’ mistake to X’s mum’s visiting schoolfriend and I still want to die about it - this is often at least as mortifying for the person who says it as the recipient. Luckily the family moved away not long afterwards or else I’d have had to. This thread is bringing it all back 😳

During a smear test, the nurse said my vaginal walls were ‘very floppy’.

what the actual f&@k?

‘I expect you’re one of those people who looks better with their clothes on’. I was young and (relatively) gorgeous, although it certainly applies now, 30 years later…

My daughter was going to a 5th birthday party and as we walked in I saw the little girl with her sister. I said Hi, then remarked how alike they looked, and that my sister looked nothing like me.
That's probably because I'm her mum she replied . I was horrified and later found out that she'd given birth at 15.

I was complimented on my singing voice once. ExBF laughed and said "yes, she is good - but then, she is built like an opera singer".

The metaphorical tumbleweed blew long and loud down the venue aisle...

ZarquonsSandals "Woman in the shop started talking to DC about how nice it was that 'granny' had brought them out for the day. I said, "Actually I'm mum, not granny." - instead of any vague acknowledgement of any faux pas, the woman then said, "are you sure?". At which point I offered to show her my c-section scar."

"Are you sure?" What an idiotic question! As if you're going to say "Oh! Maybe you're right and I am her granny!"

Mine is along the same lines as some PPs.

I'd attended a breastfeeding group with DS1 and a HV had come along to a couple of the sessions when I'd been pregnant with DS2.

Had DS2 and my dad was staying so left DS1 with him and went along to the BF group with DS2. He must have only been about three weeks old. The same HV was just arriving and commented it was lovely to see me...and asked when I was due.

She'd clearly seen me with a buggy/pram and assumed DS1 was in it. I had to tell her I'd already had the baby (and he was right in front of her in the pram). She was clearly mortified (I was nice about it - it was obviously a 'brain fart' moment and my abdomen was still pretty big at that point)!

I had DD young and have had the same comment made- it never upset me, just made me laugh. It’s better than some things people have said!!

When I was full term I was barely showing and wasn't overweight so maybe she was just used to people being all different sizes full term and was busy so misheard it was for your friend? Honestly, I wanted to show off a big bump and only went up one trouser size with an 8lb baby! Not a stealth boast btw, just saying they will be used to all different shapes and sizes so I wouldn't take it personally!

You're so fat no one will ever marry you, said a man who had just scraped my stationary parked car to fuck, said in front of my mum, and the kindly psco who had come to check we were ok.

I only wanted his insurance details...

Wow what a complete twat!

Another one I had years ago: I’ve always been quite tubby, when I married DH an acquaintance told me “There’s hope for all of us if you can get a husband.” Delightful.

My three year old goddaughter at my wedding “Are you *Kirsty’s mum?”

Me: “No, I’m her wife and she’s actually two years older than me”

Also, my three year old god daughter: “Daddy is a boy, mummy is a girl, *Kirsty is a girl”

Me: “what am I?”

Goddaughter: “Man!!”

Me: “Try again”

Goddaughter: (looks down and realises I have boobs) “I don’t know”

*name changed

No one has ever mistaken me for a man, or thought I looked older than I am, so I didn’t take it personally 😂

It’s usually me doing it to other people rather than people doing it to me.

I have to ask clients about their children for professional reasons. I once said “I imagine yours have left home” answer “”no they’re 4 and 2” CRINGE

I once told my neighbour I had bumped into her sister “she’s so nice she’s absolutely nothing like you” I meant didn’t look like her but it came out wrong. Also her sister was much nicer than her.

Sadly I have loads more!

Some of these have reminded me of odd comments my MIL makes sometimes which sound as if she thinks we’re roughly the same age. The latest was on Remembrance Sunday:

Her: Was your father in the war?
Me: No, he was born in 1933.
Her: Oh yes. Mine was (in the war).

She is 76 and I’m 48. She talks about problems we both have with our shoulders in the same way.

When I told my toddler my age, she said 'wow you're nearly as old as the queen' I was in my late 30s and the queen in her 90s

My 3 year old dd said to me once, whilst I was getting dressed, 'mummy, I love your knees!' I said 'oh, thank you why do you like them?'. She replied 'because they are all squishy!'.

DD felt my belly and said look baby is growing loads, you're getting bigger. I was only 6 weeks and nowhere near showing yet. Thanks DD 🤣