Preparing DC to travel alone on public transport

[OMGOMGOMGHELP]

What do I need to go through with them? We were regular users before Covid, but not since. I am getting both DC a phone. Neither have travelled alone before. I need to prepare 12 for getting train alone and 10&12 for getting bus to activities after summer.

Sit near the bus driver.
Sit near the doors rather than middle of carriage on train.
For DD (or both?) if there's choice of a spare seat, in order of preference sit near a family, lone woman or empty.
DS will be doing a train trip alone, should I set his alarm for a couple of minutes before he's due to arrive (DH will put him on the train, MIL will be waiting)?
What to do if venue is closed/PIL aren't there.

Following with interest, as DD age 11 will be starting a proper commute by train to secondary school in Sept. She’s admitted that she’s really nervous about it.

Do the journey with them, even if it is at a weekend.

Once before they do the journey by themselves.

This might not apply if there are adults at each end but it’s worth talking through having a plan B- what to do if your train is cancelled etc.

Mine recently did the train.

Try not to hype up to such an extent that they becoming anxious or even fearful.

Stick together
Have their wits about them
Don’t be afraid to ask bus driver for help if worried about stop or another passenger
Call me at first sign of something going wrong

We practiced several times to get used to signalling that you want to get on/off the bus, how to use the ticket app, what to do if your phone isn't working with the tickets on it (other ways to pay for a ticket etc).

It really is the same experience of doing it unfortunately that makes it clear what you've missed when preparing them!

At that age, and because of the covid break, I'd do two journeys with them beforehand. First with them talking them through it, the second pretending I don't know them and letting them sort it all out.

Discussion about what to do if they miss there stop, where to get help and things such as making sure phone is safe out of sight, bag kept on them.

It’s always a worry when our kids start travelling alone, but I’m sure they’ll be fine. I’d get them one of those small bags you put over your head to keep their phones and money in, just in case they accidentally left their bag on the train (unlikely) and they can contact you at all times.
I’d also get them to sit near a family too if possible, good idea to set an alarm too.

i think the first few times they travel will be nerve wracking for you, but you’ll all get used to it in no time!

@Bertieboo82
I should have been clearer, they won't be together.

Do the journey with them a couple of times. Let them take the lead in buying a ticket etc,

Talk over contingency plans in case bus/train is late or cancelled. Ie. How,to read timetable, alternative options (bus instead of train, taxi etc), or if mil is delayed. Ie. Wait at a certain point.

Ensure they have ‘emergency cash’ in their phone or bag for taxi, loose ticket etc.

Reassure dd, there he’ll others on the train doing the same journey. My dc had their train buddies, and their classmate buddies,

My DD started a cross-city train commute when she went up to High School. She’s generally a very quiet, anxious child, but she coped really well. I did the journey with her twice (it involves a change), but even on the second day she was itching for me to leave her to do it alone! She has always liked to have a good, secure pocket in her jacket for her train pass - it’s part of the morning ritual checking. I also got her a battery pack so we know her phone can’t run out, and she phones at the first sign of needing our advice (trains cancelled, got on wrong train etc).

I’ve never got into the whole sitting near a family thing - she’s had plenty of safety talks, and there aren’t families on trains at commute times really. I’m sure she’s had to sit next to plenty of men, best not to make that an area of fear IMO. I think for us it was important not to overdo the danger side of it, with her being anxious anyway, but to positively reinforce her options.

I’m sure your kids will cope well, and I hope they enjoy the independence it brings - it’s been really good for my DD, even if Covid took us back to square one for a while.

Do the journey once or twice with them then you need to trust them. Mine used buses from 10 and the intercity at 11&13 together

I think you are massively overthinking it, you don't need to give them instructions on where to sit.

Make sure they understand the process of buying a ticket (or buy it for them in advance)

Make sure they understand when and how they will be expected to show their ticket. For example, at the ticket gate, to the driver, to the ticket inspector, gate on the other side. And that they need their ticket until the end of the journey.

Make sure they understand how to identify the correct train (or go with them to platform - if allowed without a ticket - maybe check this?) and to build in extra time.

Make sure they understand how to identify where they are and when they are approaching their stop. A tracking app on a phone or a paper list of all the destinations can be helpful.

Yes, what to do if they accidentally get on/off at the wrong place, wrong train etc (find a member of staff and ask for help, or call an adult)

Ideally do a short practice journey so that they can see what it's like.

No biggie for the 12 year old

but the 10byr old alone on public transport? Nah, I wouldn’t

That feels a bit like you’re giving them a list of things to worry about. They’ll naturally sit in empty seats or near people they feel comfortable close to, I don’t think you need to spell it out.
do a couple of dummy runs and make sure they know where to get off (and how to if you need to ding a bell for the bus to stop).

Make sure they’re able to shout (politely) to the driver “next stop please” or similar. This can be especially important on dedicated school buses if they’re expected to call their stop. If you’re doing a dummy run with them, make sure they do this kind of thing rather than you demonstrate. Also make sure they can reliably identify the landmarks leading up to their stop, and after in case they overshoot.

Teach them to say thank you getting off. If they will be regularly on the route that can count for a lot over time.

Teach them not to step off if the bus is still moving. Hopefully they won’t need to know that, but I did (jerk)

Anything scary or potentially worrying, teach in a humorous way. Exaggerate wildly . It will get the info across without making them anxious. Also listen to their hilarious scenarios when they join in the fun as it will give you a clear idea of their worries.

Ask daft questions like what would you do if a jumbo jet landed on the bus? And praise praise praise their sensible problem solving so they end up confident about handling any scenario that arises.

I think you are over thinking this and will pass on unnecessary worries to your dc. I had one start secondary school and need to use the train and bus having rarely used the train even with parents and probably only been on a bus a few times (where we lived had no bus route so it was an occasional treat with granny!).

As previous posters have said - do the journey with them over the summer, make sure they have a phone and keep it charged, and show them how to read timetables. Let them know it’s fine to call you if they are concerned. For your own piece of mind having tracking on the phone means you know they are on the way home - this wasn’t around when oldest started but it’s nice to have. They will quickly make a group of train buddies.

And if things do go wrong, remember most people are helpful. In the first term mine got the fast train from town with school to big city rather than the slow train that stopped at our local station. Called in a panic when they realised it wasn’t stopping. I could not work out which train it was - clearly the timetable was mixed up that day which is why they had got on the wrong train as the normal one wasn’t on the platform. I said ask someone on the train which one this is. That person was helpful and then the ticket collector at the far end went above and beyond to help a small upset child get safely home on the right train.
More people are nice than not.

We practiced several times to get used to signalling that you want to get on/off the bus, how to use the ticket app, what to do if your phone isn't working with the tickets on it (other ways to pay for a ticket etc).
They know how to get on and off.
I was going to buy them a physical ticket to start off with rather than rely on the phone, which I want to keep as emergency back up.

I’d get them one of those small bags you put over your head to keep their phones and money in,
That might be a good idea, keep phone and money separate. Also going to write my and MIL's phone number in wallet.

That feels a bit like you’re giving them a list of things to worry about.
Yes, I'm worried about that too! It's a fine line between worrying them and going through enough to make sure they'll be ok.

@Bertieboo82 in some ways the 10 year old is more street wise and independent than the 12 (ASd and socially naive). I'm really having a dilemma - which do I send to their activités alone. I'm tending towards DS, but that's purely because DD would be a girl alone on the bus for 10 mins.

I’m pretty relaxed op
but absolutely no chance would o feel comfortable with my 10 year old daughter alone on public transport

Or my son

And if the 12 year old is t ready for it, then he’s not ready for it

it doesn’t sound like right time for either of your children to be alone on public transport

I wrote a list of the station stops so that they could see exactly where they were, and also made sure they knew the name of the station stop before the one where they would alight.

but absolutely no chance would o feel comfortable with my 10 year old daughter alone on public transport
Thats what's stopping me. Although DH thinks I'm being ridiculous and that they're both old enough to manage it.

And if the 12 year old is t ready for it, then he’s not ready for it
i don't really have a choice. I can't go with both of them because their activities are in different directions. One of them has to go alone. I will take them on the bus from our village to the next town train station. Then they each need to take a bus to activity and afterwards back to the station to meet me, then we will catch the bus home. I'm thinking I should stay with DD basically because she's a girl.

If you think your DS is going to be ok, then yes stay with your DD

its her age more than anything. Same as my DD. She’s very smart and with it but my goodness - I wouldn’t have her alone on public transport

when was the last time you saw a girl close to this age alone on public transport?