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Preparing DC to travel alone on public transport

37 replies

OMGOMGOMGHELP · 06/07/2022 07:14

What do I need to go through with them? We were regular users before Covid, but not since. I am getting both DC a phone. Neither have travelled alone before. I need to prepare 12 for getting train alone and 10&12 for getting bus to activities after summer.

Sit near the bus driver.
Sit near the doors rather than middle of carriage on train.
For DD (or both?) if there's choice of a spare seat, in order of preference sit near a family, lone woman or empty.
DS will be doing a train trip alone, should I set his alarm for a couple of minutes before he's due to arrive (DH will put him on the train, MIL will be waiting)?
What to do if venue is closed/PIL aren't there.

OP posts:
Badbadbunny · 06/07/2022 10:35

Do the journey with them a couple of times. Talk them through it throughout the journey, i.e. let passengers off before getting on, waiting in a queue at the door, having cash or ticket ready to pay, where to put the ticket (i.e. zipped pocket etc), then awareness of when to get off, when to press the stop button on the bus etc. Obviously all of this is easier if you've been a regular bus/train user as they'll have watched you do it!

DON'T point out potential problems (such as what happens if the bus doesn't turn up or what happens if they lose their cash/ticket) in these first couple of journeys. Just concentrate on getting them on the right bus/train (i.e. look for the destination board on the front, look at train station departure board to look for the platform number, etc). Likewise DON'T make them anxious about where to sit, avoiding "dodgy" looking people, etc. There's a time and a place to highlight problem-solving, and the first couple of journeys isn't the time nor place or you'll just make them more anxious. It's hard enough for them to get used to the basics without stressing them out about all the potential problems.

Will there be other children on the same buses/trains going to/from the same school/activities? If so, they'll quickly make friends with people doing the same journey, or even if not "friends", they'll be more comfortable knowing others they recognise are going where they're going!

We just did a couple of practice runs with our 11 year old DS when he started secondary, on the bus from our village to the city centre bus station, and then did "the walk" between the bus station, through the city centre, to his school, and back. All of it was unfamiliar, he'd never done that bus journey before. We'd done a few park n ride buses and tour buses in other towns/cities, so he had a very basic experienced of buses. He knew no one going from our village to the same school. But, when the day came, he was absolutely fine. Got himself there fine, got himself back fine. Buses were busy which helped (so reduced risk of assault/abuse/theft etc). Biggest problem was the unreliable bus service, with services often late or cancelled, or a few times the driver not knowing the route and missing out our village stops completely, but he quickly sorted himself out, i.e. waited for the next bus, or if they missed out our village, he'd cross the road and catch one in the other direction to come back.

The more fuss you make, as a parent, the more anxious and stressed they get.

OMGOMGOMGHELP · 06/07/2022 10:41

when was the last time you saw a girl close to this age alone on public transport?
Monday - one of her team mates gets the bus to training,
Tuesday - girl in the year below gets the bus from our village to the town station and walks to the dance studio.
My godson is a school year below her and gets the bus across town every day for school. (They moved, he stayed at his school). He has a smartwatch, like loads of others in his class who take buses, rather than a phone.

OP posts:
swedex · 06/07/2022 10:43

Make sure they are listening to the stops on the way or reading what they last stop was. I was on a train and two teens completely missed their stop by only following google maps which doesn't help when you go under ground or through tunnels! They ended up rather far from their destination! Luckily I managed to get them on to a train back to where they should have gone!

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emmathedilemma · 06/07/2022 11:08

I would be tempted to just go and do the journeys with them. Let them take the lead and see what they do......if they don't do things like sticking their hand out to stop the bus then nudge them to do it but you might be surprised at how competent they are. I thought it was pretty normal for high school age kids (some will have only just turned 11) to go to school on public transport but reading some of these comments and the thread yesterday that suggested putting an 8yr old on reigns when going out on holiday I'm starting to wonder!

pastypirate · 06/07/2022 11:20

Dd1 is year 7 and has been taking public bus to school. There are other kids on the bus to the 3 grammars as it goes to all of them but also the general public.

Ticket pass thing is on her phone but I send her with a few quid in case her phone is flat plus our phone numbers and bus number instructions and what to ask for.

Dd1 adjusted v fast to the routine and has been really sensible. Once she made friends with other kids on the bus (school irrelevant) I felt she was a lot safer.
I've been very clear that on the homeward journey if the bus doesn't come or whatever and she has no battery that she goes back into school and asks for help calling me.

We have had 2/3 occasions where I've had to take her in the car. Bus never arrived or she missed it or she forgot her phone - was a good lesson for her!!

Bertieboo82 · 06/07/2022 11:22

OMGOMGOMGHELP · 06/07/2022 10:41

when was the last time you saw a girl close to this age alone on public transport?
Monday - one of her team mates gets the bus to training,
Tuesday - girl in the year below gets the bus from our village to the town station and walks to the dance studio.
My godson is a school year below her and gets the bus across town every day for school. (They moved, he stayed at his school). He has a smartwatch, like loads of others in his class who take buses, rather than a phone.

Wow! You don’t see 9 or 10 year old girls on their own on public transport around my way! But perhaps we’re all a bit pathetic with our children!

Bertieboo82 · 06/07/2022 11:23

Or indeed 9 or 10 year old boys!

OMGOMGOMGHELP · 06/07/2022 12:15

There's a time and a place to highlight problem-solving, and the first couple of journeys isn't the time nor place or you'll just make them more anxious.
Ok, good point. Get him used to bus travel, so he's confident next year to be able to deal with when he'll have to get the bus with other school kids.

Will there be other children on the same buses/trains going to/from the same school/activities?
No, one of the reasons we chose this activity for DS so he wouldn't be with any kids from our village. On DD's there's not many kids who are in the group, one takes the bus line that DD will take but would get on half way there.

OP posts:
Steelesauce · 06/07/2022 12:43

Bertieboo82 · 06/07/2022 11:23

Or indeed 9 or 10 year old boys!

My son will have to start bus journeys alone at 10 as hes an August born and will start secondary at just turned 11. He'll need to know what he's doing before then!

Bertieboo82 · 06/07/2022 13:39

Steelesauce · 06/07/2022 12:43

My son will have to start bus journeys alone at 10 as hes an August born and will start secondary at just turned 11. He'll need to know what he's doing before then!

It’s very different when school time and school buses, albeit open to public

OMGOMGOMGHELP · 06/07/2022 16:08

It’s very different when school time
I agree! Fortunately there's unlikely to be any school children that he knows on the bus so hopefully there'll be no issues.

OP posts:
londonmummy1966 · 06/07/2022 16:29

I think you've had some good advice on here - 10 and 12 year olds take pubic transport alone in London all the time and seem to have very few problems with it. Mine loved feeling grown up. I had a rule that whilst in primary they had to phone me to say they'd arrived and again when getting on the bus to come home. We also had a tracker on their phone so we knew where they were and they each had an emergency £10. There was one occasion when I even authorised the purchase of an emergency hot chocolate as DD11 rang me a bit upset as the trains were up the spout and she had a long cold wait. 😀

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