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Original poster

15.5yo DD and summer holiday tedium

26 replies

EllaView · 05/07/2022 13:01

I’m at a complete loss! My 15.5yo DD is quite anxious, a real homebody with a very small group of friends. We live in a very small, rural town with few amenities beyond a library. She is attached to me (all part of her anxiety) and will only reluctantly go anywhere with her father in case she feels sick (she is also emetophic).

I am working from home through the holidays, and DD is moping around with nothing to do. I have suggested the usual things - going for a walk, learning a new craft, reading …none of which are very exciting.

Any suggestions? I have no personal experience of being in this position because I was lucky enough not to be limited by anxiety and so spent my summers on my bike with my friends! I really do feel at a complete loss.

OP posts:
WhatsHoppening · 05/07/2022 13:04

Can she invite friends to yours a few days just to hang out? To be honest if you’re working she’s old enough to understand- if she gets really bored it may spur her on to push herself into doing something more exciting!

Original poster
EllaView · 05/07/2022 13:08

She will be having friends over, but it’s the days when there is nothing planned that we’re struggling with. I really do think that at nearly 16 she should be able to find something to do, but she obviously needs some inspiration.

OP posts:
DayreeMilk · 05/07/2022 13:13

Is she interested in learning or improving a language? We used Babbel in lockdown and was really good.

Interested in this thread?

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15 year olds Families
OompaLoompaa · 05/07/2022 13:15

At that age my favourite thing was to hang out with friends either at our houses or just walking around.
I also loved crafts and sewing, so one school holiday it was all about patch-working , another dress making. I also enjoyed reading and cooking, could she prepare the evening meal for you and you mark it out of 10?

FrownedUpon · 05/07/2022 13:16

I had a local summer job at 15. Anything going near where you live?

dormouses · 05/07/2022 13:26

What is she into? Would she bake or cook dinner? Take up yoga?

What is she doing to help with her anxiety? Is there any new counselling or support she could access over the holidays?

Sometimes you need to leave them to be bored to eventually spur them into action.

At 15 I worked pretty much full time in the school holidays. Could she get a p/t job or would that be unfeasible with her anxiety?

Stompythedinosaur · 05/07/2022 13:27

I think, at 15, you have to leave her to it a bit. Maybe suggest learning to use a sewing machine or work with an arduino? Would she do some jobs around the house to earn a bit of pocket money?

hopeishere · 05/07/2022 13:35

Let her be bored. Don't fix it for her.

Try and plan some stuff for any days off you have.

Is she getting help for her mental health?

Greenstar22 · 05/07/2022 14:06

My ds has anxiety issues but this year got a part time job. It's been great for him, something to get up for and a bit of structure to the week, also boosting his confidence. Is there any jobs available, even babysitting or working for someone you know?

Numbat2022 · 05/07/2022 14:13

What is she anxious about, beyond being sick? I really do think that at her age it's not up to you to entertain her - if she's bored she's bored, but there are so many things to do at home nowadays, it's not like it's daytime TV or a book. Does she play computer games? The suggestion of something to help her anxiety is brilliant, there must be mindfulness or CBT courses that could help her.

dontyouwishyourgirlfriendwas · 05/07/2022 14:17

Perhaps some volunteering? I don’t know if your library does the Summer Reading Challenge for younger children, but if they do they are probably looking for volunteers to listen to children talk about their books / hand out prizes etc.

I did it when I was 15 and it’s very easy going so hopefully it wouldn’t be too stressful for her.

Simbobbly · 05/07/2022 14:24

I think it's really hard for Y10s. COVID hit at a key time for them in their social development. It's asking a lot for a 15 year old to get a job when at 13 and 14 they were locked indoors and not able to take those first solo steps outside school and home. Some will need a lot of extra scaffolding and support.

Put a daily or weekly structure in place with her. Walking or swimming, shopping for and cooking the family meal. Not to turn her into a skivvy but even once a week would mean she learns to cook 6 recipes. Online art tutorials, making stop motion films. Projects are good - does her bedroom need painting? Encourage her to do repeating things with friends (cinema? pizza Fridays?) so she is not having to start from cold each time.

Does your library need any volunteers? Ours has them in to talk to DC doing the reading challenge.

Or just do stuff with her at the weekends and don't worry too much if she has lazy days in the week.

Original poster
EllaView · 05/07/2022 14:25

There are some great ideas here! She has been in counselling for over a year, and there is definite improvement. She can actually leave the house on her own for a short walk now. I can’t fix this for her - she needs to do that - but if I just have a few ideas up my sleeve they might spur her to action.

Unfortunately, there are no summer jobs for 15 year olds - all local employers want 16 yo, which is frustrating.

I will suggest she asks about volunteering with the library.

thank you all so much.

OP posts:
Nameandgamechange123 · 05/07/2022 14:40

It's so hard isn't it. Such an in between age where they can't get a job but also they can't just go off easily and do their own stuff independently. I have a similar issue here. I'm watching with interest.

stayingpositiveifpossible · 05/07/2022 14:42

Craft activities - clay modelling etc. Selling things on Etsy?

Original poster
EllaView · 05/07/2022 14:50

Ooh! Clay modelling might be a thing. Hadn’t thought of that!

OP posts:
SirenSays · 05/07/2022 14:54

Air dry clay is great to play around with and isn't very expensive.
Other than that I'd help her look for volunteer positions

emmathedilemma · 05/07/2022 15:43

Do you have a local facebook group or even the "next door" website, she might be able to find some volunteering or little jobs through that. Even if it's just ad-hoc bits n pieces like watering someone's plants or feed the rabbit while they go on holiday.

MsTSwift · 05/07/2022 17:06

A friends Dd same age and similar scenario volunteered at a forest school for younger children - been life changing for her.

Yodaisawally · 05/07/2022 17:07

Let her be bored, don't micro manage at that age regardless of anxiety. If she wants to be near you, she needs to accept you are working.

WhiskerPatrol · 05/07/2022 17:17

When is her birthday? Would she be eligible for NCS?
www.gov.uk/government/get-involved/take-part/national-citizen-service

saddowizca · 05/07/2022 17:18

Can you alter your work pattern so you finish early or start late and go for a bike ride with her? Might blow some cobwebs away and lift her spirits? she might then feel confident enough to go on bike rides to meet friends?
Could you get her to make you lunch each day? If you have veg fruit growing in the garden she could use it for salads/smoothies/sorbet?
Volunteering at Forest School sounds amazing.
my dd volunteers at Oxfam 2 hrs a week (she’s 14yrs) absolutely loves it.

MumofSpud · 05/07/2022 17:25

The library may be looking for volunteers to help with activities in the holidays - my DS did this when he was 15.
But I think that this isn't the real issue that needs sorting out!

Blurp · 05/07/2022 17:30

I'd give her some chores to be done each day - nothing too onerous, maybe do breakfast dishes, make lunch, hang out the washing etc. That might give her something to get stuck into, and a sense of achievement?

The rest of the time, I'd let her be bored and see what she comes up with. Supply her with a few bits and pieces that she might like, eg clay for modelling, and leave her to get on with it.

MsTSwift · 05/07/2022 22:26

My 15 year old has a job why are you writing that off?

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