Why is it always a son?

[cannibalvalley]

Why when you come across an adult over indulged by his mum, why is it always a son?
If someone who is in their late twenties let's slip at work that their mum still washes and irons their clothes, it is always a man.
Or the man in his thirties who did not even live with his parents and confessed his mum still made his packed lunch for work.

I mean maybe you all have examples of adult women over indulged by mums doing their washing or making packed lunches way beyond a normal age. But I have only ever come across men where this happens.

So why? Is it because adult women would not allow their mums to do this? Or something else?
Or is it only me that has come across this and it is an incredibly unusual situation no one else has ever come across?

It's the other way round with my DH and SIL.

SIL is pathetically dependant on her parents even though she is almost 40 and in a long term
Relationship. She has no learning disabilities but they have to accompany her to doctor/dentist etc and fill in forms for her.

DH has fended for himself since 18.

I worked with a man who’s mum would bring him lunch to work every day. She went to the bakers to get him his favourite. He was married with his own house and a child, I was astonished when he told me. If he wasn’t available someone else had to go out and collect it from her (secure building)

It is not

I know women who do their adult daughters laundry & cleaning. And I know many sons who are fiercely independent.

interesting to see you assume that looking after a baby/sorting childcare/babysitter is the woman’s responsibility and never the man….

You could easily have said that men/fathers always rely on their mum to help with much of the childcare ….

@SingingInParadise . I dont view sorting out childcare as a womens responsibilty. I wasnt even thinking of childcare.

I was thinking of a daughter turning to her mother for emotional support and advice about herself and how she does things. People expect and sympathise with this. If a man called up his mum and said 'how do i manage colic' people say oh he is a mummies boy and she is interfering.

@AntlerRose and the reason why women turn towards their mum for support when men dont is because it’s women who are left to deal with baby, literally, whereas men often have little responsibility in that area.
So of course they either don’t need to ask for support from their parents or if they do need support they refer back to their spouse first anyway.

And tbh, when it comes to children, it is a GOOD thing that women can lean on someone. Not having a support network, aka family around, is one of environmental factors that can lead to PND for example. It’s not because women aren’t able to look after themselves or be adults in the way the Op was describing. It’s just that it’s hard work.

I know quite a few women who are heavily dependent on their mothers emotionally. To the point of going on holiday with them, speaking to them several times a week etc.
Also know quite a lot of women who act as a childminder for their daughter’s children. Fathers who are called in to give lifts, offer practical help etc for their daughters.

Its not just the case for sons .

It's not always a son. I ahve known several women like this

Because some women enjoy being their son’s (and husbands) unpaid skivvies.

I definitely do know adult women whose mums do everything, I think people are more accepting when it’s two women involved for some reason.

Majority men but my (late 30s, married, female with 3 dc) friend has her mum (married with a full time job) clean her house top to bottom (her mum is a cleaner by occupation, she pays her next to nothing compared to what she actually does), all their washing/ironing, occasional teas (1-3 teas a week) and looks after her kids (school runs, sleepovers, ferries them to extra curricular etc..), friend knows she’s spoilt and extremely lucky.

My SIL’s mother used to do her work clothes for her.

The only man I know who was like this was BIL who lived at home till he got married in his thirties. I know quite a few women who’s mums have a key to the house, come in and clean up, do the washing and ironing etc

Don’t know why you only know men like it.

Im just offering a different perspective. To me a lot of mummies boy accusations are about behaviour that people just wouldnt notice if it was a daughter / mother relationship. In the same way all those bossy girls arent bossy they are assertive or future leaders.

I wonder if there is a stereotypical expectation that men shouldn’t need help from their parents? If a man phones his mother for emotional support or advice, is it seen differently from when a woman might do it? Why do we expect men to be more self sufficient? I’m not talking about practical tasks here, but emotional support.

This is what makes me laugh on the many many gender disappointment threads when the op finds out they are having a boy. "Girls are closer to their mums", "boys distance themselves in their teens", "there's nothing like a mummy/daughter bond". It's such crap - out of people I know, the boys/men all left home much later than the girls /women and boys are just as likely to be pampered /spoilt. And mums and sons can and do often have very close bonds but as a pp has said, this is mocked and belittled as the "mummy's boy" stereotype so it's not something people talk about it.

I know a woman in her fifties who is totally spoiled by her parents. They do her laundry, cook for her, look after her pets on her many trips abroad (she is away about 70% of the time) They are in their eighties but still run around adoringly after her. She's a nice woman but just...clueless.

Disagree two girls I work with who are early twenties live with and are pampered by their mothers. They have their dinners cooked, breakfasts made in the morning, lifts to and from work, laundry done for them even pocket money.

I’m sure I read some research about this a while ago, they found that the mothers in the survey typically presumed their sons were be less competent that their daughters at domestic stuff so did more of it for them.

Have to disagree. Both MIL & SIL are extremely spoiled and ‘helpless’. MIL by her now dead mother and she perpetuated the idea that girls are ‘helpless flowers’ with her indulging of SIL’s needy ways.
Drives me nuts . My DM raised strong independent women who don’t put up with this shit from either our DH’s nor our daughters.

Yes I totally agree

I know 2 people like this, both women. Mother's do all their cleaning, shopping and, washing and ironing. One of these women doesn't even work. It annoys me greatly, but I think I'm just jealous!

All of this is normal. You've just listed; actually liking your mum and wanting to be around her, a grandma actually wanting to see their grandkids and not demanding payment, getting help for odd jobs you don't know how to do.

I know a family of 4 grown sisters with kids of their own who all take their washing to their Mums and get it back washed, dried and ironed. I know another woman in her mid 40s who lives alone but goes to her Mums for tea every night after work and her mum cleans her house once a week while she's at work. I know another woman mid 30s who gets her mum to make her lunch for work everyday and she picks it up on the way in. In fact I dont know any men that do the same.