Feeling smothered by DC classmate after school

[Letsmoveon]

Ok so I’m prepared to be told I am being intolerant but here goes..

DS(7) has a classmate who a couple of months ago came up to me after school and said ‘I know where you live and I’ve been following you.’ I just thought ok, whatever. However ever since then this child and his grandmother constantly wait for us to leave the school grounds (some children play for 10-20 mins before leaving) and follow us home. DS doesn’t play with this boy except for occasionally if a big group of them all play together at lunchtime, and has shown no inclination to have a playdate with him.

The boy’s DM drives him to school and they park about 5 mins walk from the school and only get out of the car when they see us approaching and the boy is all over DS like a rash. The DM came up to me when this all started and said “Jack wants to come to your house for a play date” (not his name). I had never seen this woman before and had no idea who she or her child was and it just got my back up.

The DGM walks so slowly that the walk home which is usually 15-20 mins turns into 45-50 mins. The lady barely speaks English too and mumbles when she does speak so conversation is pretty much non-existent.

Then twice now when we have left the school without them the boy has knocked on our door about 15-20 mins after we have got home and said he just wants to say hello to DS. I believe they live a further 5-10 mins down the road.

I just feel irritated by being constantly having this boy watching us for when we leave the school (they play first before we leave, lots of kids do) and if I try and quietly slip out of the grounds within a minute this boy is chasing us down the driveway shouting for us to stop, and his DGM is slowly following. If I say we are going to Tesco he demands why are you going in there and tries to get his DGM to wait for us (she has only once), and the day that DS goes to swim lesson we walk a different way into town and he demands why are you going that way etc. He’s also told DS that he’s going to wreck his Minecraft world which made him very upset (he can’t as it’s in Creative), said that he’s a bully and so is his friend, and tells DS’ friends that he’s coming to our house “today and tomorrow, so there.” He’s never been to our house.

DS is a friendly child who will talk to anyone but I just feel this boy is just too OTT or is it just me being silly? The length of time getting home really annoys me as DS goes to activities on some days and I want to be home ASAP so he has downtime, does his reading etc and has dinner.

It gets even more batshit then. They seem to have no boundaries and you need to nip it in the bud now.

I don’t think that is weird at all. I mean she lives right near you, it makes sense for her to do it, or for you to take turns, that’s just a friendly thing that school mums (or indeed DGMs) do. It’s hardly a random stranger
But if you don’t like the kid just make an excuse.

When I was young, a neighbour's mum used to stop the car at the end of our drive, so her daughter could come and knock on our door after school. My mum got so fed up of it being every day that eventually she stopped answering the door, we hid from view, and after a few days they got the message.

While we got the outcome I wanted, of not having to play with that rather over-bearing child all the time, I remember feeling like I wish mum would just deal with it head on, answer the door and say it's not convenient. But I wouldn't have had the nerve (primary school age) and mum clearly didn't either :-)

@RichardOsmansXraySpecs in the context of the overall thread this offer isn’t welcome as this family seem like they are trying to ingratiate themselves to them.

It is common to share pick-ups with other parents but they usually know the other parent well to trust them with their child, and don’t just walk up to other parents they don’t know and offer to collect their child in future.

I'd be telling the teacher about this and that the DGM will never be allowed to pick up your DS. Given the behaviour so far I could see her trying it on, insisting he should go with her if you're ever late.

She is basically a stranger though. Are we supposed to automatically assume that every parent and grandparent is someone you can entrust your child to? There are parents who are abusive, I wouldn't want my DC in their care. OP does not know this person beyond the fact they have no boundaries with their DGS. None of their behaviour inspires confidence.

The people I know who share school runs are friends not just fellow parents. Unless I had no other choice there's no way I would be letting a parent/grandparent I didn't know well pick up my 7 year old.

Is there another door you could collect your ds from? Alternatively, if they are let out individually could you ask your ds is let out first so you can make a quick getaway?

You're not being silly.

I would defeinitely contact the school right away; ask for an appointment to explain why you would prefer your son to be in a different class from X, who has been harrassing and bullying him out of school and causing a nuisance at your home.

You definitely need to let the teacher know that this grandmother is not collecting your son.

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Would it be possible for your DH to do some of the school drop off/pick ups for a few days? Child might be a bit put off by a man telling him no, and maybe the GM will be do.

Agree with other posters about talking to the school to see how his behaviour is there, and asking for them to be in different classes. This definitely has the possibility of getting entrenched if not nipped in the bud.

Please speak to the school, it's quite possible that they are already aware of this boy's fixation on your son, but the escalation of it; comments about Minecraft and, even more so, the followers you, knocking on your and the "I know where you live" stuff are something that you should tell them to make sure they have the full picture.

Once classes are fixed they won’t change them. So it’s better that they are just assigned different classes before the year starts. Have a proper conversation with the teacher to make sure that happens, not just a quick chat at drop off or pick up. This child might have requested to be in a class with your son, and our school try’s to accommodate requests so you need to be really honest about what’s happening. Your DS doesn’t need the added stress of having to be in lessons with him all day also.

Aw it’s sad that he is so desperate for friends and his family is so socially inept.

With regard to managing him/them, I would be straight with the boy as in “No I am sorry you cannot come to our place.” I would also talk to him kindly but firmly about the Minecraft threat. You are the adult, you can take charge of this situation. You don’t need to walk slowly with them either. Just a see you later and off you go.

I would however let a teacher know that the boy seems lonely and in need of help with social skills as it may well be that they can in some way assist.

Did you manage to speak to the school OP?

Poor boy.