How young is two young

[Summerofcontent]

When people say "they died too young" at what age would you consider it to be?
Where is the cut off between dying too young and having a good life?
Then conversely, where is the cut off between having a good life and living to a ripe old age?

My dad died at 63 but it felt old thirty years ago, now I think that's incredibly young to die. My darling mum is struggling in with advanced dementia at 83, I wish will all my heart she could be at peace. She's bedbound in a care home it's awful.

I'd say anything less than 85 is too young

Two work colleagues have just died at 53 and 57 they feels way too young and of course Deborah James at 40.

Too young would be under 70, youngish 60-80, normal 80-90 and ripe old age 90+ with good health to the end. We use this sort of guide unofficially at work as it worked out roughly with dealing with bereaved families. Because we usually know them, we also have a marked difference where illnesses have struck them down for years versus sudden especially in the 70's bracket. I really struggle doing the kids/young peoples funerals, find it hard to remain professional, I've left the building during the service many times because it's incredibly tough even for me working in the church, I can't imagine what the family is going through at that point, some are so stoic

Under 75.

@motogirl that's interesting to hear from someone who, I want to say deals with death, but that sounds crass, as a professional

My MIL died earlier this year aged 72. She died after a very short illness and she’d been totally fit and healthy and active up to about a week earlier. So I would say she died too young.

My husband, on the other hand, says she was very old and had had a good innings. Perhaps that’s his way of processing his mother’s death, but he really believes it.

Therefore, if DH and I can’t agree even in this one instance, I am very sure there isn’t going to be any general prescription for what is too old or too young.

I think it depends to some extent on the person’s health. My parents died at 65 and 66. That might seem ‘old enough’ to many, and it’s certainly not young- they had fitted a lot into their 6.5 decades of life.

But in the January of that year they were skiing, riding bikes, walking up mountains, travelling, looking after their Grandchildren... And then by the October of that same year, they were dead, having both succumbed to very aggressive cancers. It felt very shocking to me, and too young.

Anything over 70 seems more in line with what is expected, but if a person is still very active and in great health at 75, it is going to seem ‘too young’ if they die then.

I lost a cousin at 33 leaving 2 young children and to me that was far too young. I think a few decades ago it was quite normal for the life expectancy to be about 70 so it was lower by 15 years compared to now and in those times people already had all their grandchildren in their 60s living life as retired grandparents etc so to me anything under 75 is too young in 2022. My mother lost her dad when he was 63 and the way she describes him throughout is as if he was 98. The pictures she showed me before he died he looked 98, its so weird because he was only 63. My mum now is 63 and she looks like she is in her 50s.

It's subjective my parents are both 80,and my mum in particular isn't in good good health ,but both still have a reasonable quality of life.

People dressed a lot older, which made them look a lot older, I was looking at my parents wedding album ( they married in 1971) my Grandma was only in her early fifties but her outfit aged her about 20 years .

A good age to go is 5 minutes before you no longer have the capacity to decide

i would say 5 minutes after I no longer had the capacity to decide. I don’t want to be aware, once I’m deemed irrerversible then dose me up with pain killers and let me float off.

Agree with pp,anyage under 70.

Dad died in his 40s just after his 46th birthday. My friend lost her husband suddenly at the age of 40. My brother’s friend died last year - suicide 26. My aunt took her own life 42. These are all absolutely tragic ages to die. My Nan’s brother was 14 when he was murdered.

I think my grandparents are like mid 80s and don’t have their health my Nan feels old. My DH’s Nan was 95 and she was relatively healthy died of old age.

I think it’s individual. I would say 90 is a good age,

I think about 75 , my dad dies just after his 51st birthday - too young , my mum died at 79 after a long illness - not too young and actually a happy release .

My dad was 70, my sister was 40. They felt very different. Although I do think 70 was too young, he didn't "seem" old.

When I saw my family at Christmas aunt was commiserating with BiL on his mum's death. Given her state of health over the previous few years the conversation moved on to all the other people we knew who would probably have preferred to go a bit earlier - my gran, for example, would definitely rather have died from the first stroke than from the last. Aunt said "in fact I only know one person you couldn't say that about" - at which point we all agreed to change the topic before we, quarter of a century later, all burst into tears .

So to me "too young" is often affected by what was happening before. I mean, obviously 23 is too young. But for my gran 75 would not have been, and for my dad 80 would have been and 90 would not.

Certainly when you still have dependent children.

Apart from good old Noah, he lived to the ripe old age of 950 😄

Have you never heard of Methuselah?

Under 40 is too young and over 70 is a ripe old age to me.

But it's not set in stone is it? Having kids under 21 is too young and you be 60 and have a ten year old for example.

Reaching old age is a blessing denied to many

We’re rarely ready to lose a loved one, it always feels too soon, there was something left to say, or a baby you wanted them to meet. So even someone in their 90s you can feel that they’ve been taken too soon.

I think it would be insensitive to say someone died too young though once they’re past maybe 70, insensitive to those who lost a parent at age 40 or a sibling at age 20, etc.

I think late 70s is a decent innings. Living into your 80s and beyond can be a bit of a double edged sword.

My mum died last year age 87. She was very frail and wracked with dementia. She managed to cope at home until 6 months before she passed away, in a care home. Before her decline she led a very full life, walking holidays, good social life based around the church, hopping on trains to visit family. It was definitely her time to go and she passed very peacefully in her sleep.
I think as long independence and good health can be maintained, then I would say a ripe old age would be about late 80s .
It's very difficult to witness elderly loved ones hanging on for years in worsening health and longing to just fall asleep and not wake up

I think it depends on life experiences. Like if I dropped dead today, I'd be young, but I have had lots of life experiences and I have lived four times as long as previously expected. Someone who still has lots to do, that would be too young.