Didn’t know where to post this but my partner is in a lot of debt with court cases over family issues and is unlikely to pay it off for many years. He lives wage to wage owing people money for food in the last week before his pay and I found out he ate once a day to make it last. I’ve given him money, paid for things and done food shops for him many times to make sure he’s taken care of but now I’m getting sick of it. I know he can’t help the costs or being on a low wage but he doesn’t help himself at all and happily let’s me get my purse out at every chance. His friend offered him Sunday work twice a month for £200 which would help but he said he’d rather rest as it’s his only day off. Before the debt got worse we’d spoken about what our future would be like and our ideal wedding, how many children we wanted and things like that. Now I’m considering telling him that I don’t want any of that anymore because money will be an issue and I don’t want to pay everything and essentially have a cocklodger. Maybe I’m being ott as it will be paid off eventually but I don’t want to put myself in a position I’m taken advantage of or waiting for a life he can’t contribute to.
Would I be unreasonable to tell him we have no future if he doesn’t sort himself out financially? Or just delay any type of future milestones until he’s sorted? I am supportive of what he’s going through and we have a great relationship in general before anyone assumes I only care about the money side. I don’t want to lose him but I don’t want to resent him when we have a mortgage and a baby to pay for and he can’t help because I waited for us to be settled and it never happened. How do I word how I feel without upsetting him?