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Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Do you take care of yourself?

54 replies

IHateFlies · 26/06/2022 18:00

I feel so inadequate after a get together with family over the weekend. Everyone got into a conversation about covid and how things have changed etc and they all spoke about their exercise regimes, diets, skin and hair care and beauty treatments
All I do is a occasional intermittent fasting and walking. I could be healthier and look better if I lost a couple of stone and did some of the things mentioned.
It's brought home to me that I barely spend any time or money taking care of myself and want to change that. Wondering now how unusual I am and what people generally do.

OP posts:
roarfeckingroarr · 26/06/2022 18:02

Yes. I practise yoga most days, I eat well. I have a skin care regimen (products from The Ordinary so very reasonable). I could do more but I have a toddler and FT job.

something2say · 26/06/2022 19:09

Ah bless you, I'm sure you're one of the ones who looks fine anyway then! x

I do quite a lot of self care. Thinking about it I -

Use a face wash and a scrub - scrubs are great, get rid of dead skin and leave skin glowing.
I wax my own legs and use coconut oil on them.
I always have painted toenails, but less often painted nails because I cannot be bothered continually faffing with them.
I have thick curly hair, so that's a hair pack once a week for half an hour in a towel. That is a faff. But I have a lot of hair and it needs it.
Other than that, the only thing I do regularly is moisturise my skin. I did use Dove but coconut oil works better and is more natural. I use it on my décolletage to prevent so much ageing and on arms and legs.

It does all take time though. Can you be bothered?

AuntViv · 26/06/2022 19:37

No I've totally let myself go. I'm embarrassed, ashamed and lack all self confidence.
I've been a single mother pretty much since the start and my DD is 13 and for all her life I've obviously put her first and looked after her needs at the expense of mine. I don't regret it but of course but I wished I'd found time or money to sort myself out too.
My teeth are a state, I'm fat, have awful old badly fitting clothes, my hair is thinning and falling out, and I have various Heath issues I'd wished I'd got on top of.
I hope I'll start to tackle all of these bit by bit.

lljkk · 26/06/2022 20:14

beauty treatments No
diets Lots of food for me please
Skin care I do like moisturising, & sunblock, I sometimes even put them on my skin
hair care Ok yes, I brush it daily, wash it about once a month, DH cuts it once a year
exercise ah well, you go me there, I do a few hours exercise most days. I enjoy it. It's a lifestyle.

tatyr · 26/06/2022 20:36

I take my meds, and brush my teeth.

Don't feel like you need to do the same as others to look after yourself, perhaps reading a book is looking after yourself, perhaps having a cake and coffee with a friend.

I can't imagine myself every doing my nails, having a skin regime, going to the hairdresser regularly. I do dream of a time when I read a book before bed, go to an art class once a week and visit my friends who make me smile.

IHateFlies · 27/06/2022 10:17

Thanks for all your reply. I know I could do more and should do more. Even my mum made a comment. I was washing up a few dishes and she told me that I really should wear gloves when I wash up as I need to take care of my hands.
I hardly ever wear gloves when cleaning. Only if I'm doing a deep clean of the bathroom (which isn't very often)
Is this something most people do?
I really want to change this.

OP posts:
EmmaH2022 · 27/06/2022 10:21

I don’t do that but I am often interested that people who do, don’t have skin much different to mine.

EmmaH2022 · 27/06/2022 10:24

Oh, I should say I recently did a wardrobe revamp after about 15 years of taking no interest

but it was a practical exercise and is done now.

other people seem to really notice a difference in my appearance after that.

Branster · 27/06/2022 10:25

I probably spent an excessive amount of time on looking after myself (but on a budget!).
Reading is also for my own benefit.
Skincare, healthy eating and exercise is mostly habit and discipline but I do also enjoy it.
Whatever you do, as long as you get a bit of enjoyment out of it, it's got to be good for you.
Those damn marigolds- never got into the habit of using regularly! I try to compensate with moisturiser.

emmathedilemma · 27/06/2022 11:20

I exercise and eat fairly well. Don't particularly enjoy beauty treatments so not going to spend money there other than the occasional sports massage. I get my hair cut 2-3 times a year but other than washing it I don't do anything to it.

fishingpaintings · 27/06/2022 11:28

I don't exercise except for stretching daily and walking 10km or so (school runs and dog walks).

I started looking after my skin when I realised one day it looked awful. I see the difference that daily
care makes with that.

When the masks came off I realised I'd developed
awful spider veins on my nose and cheeks so I'm in the process of getting those lasered, which makes me feel better.

Hair cut and highlights every few months.

Waxing every 8 weeks or so.

Nails once a year ish for special events.

Eyebrows I usually sort myself because I have a fear of coming out looking like Sharpie Girl.

I need to go to the gym more.

Numbat2022 · 27/06/2022 11:38

A bit? Not as much as I did pre-child, I don't have time and my physical body is the easiest thing to let go. It will carry on without me doing stuff to it to look better.

I like skincare so I do always do my skincare routine including retinol (can be done at midnight before falling into bed). But hairdresser appointments are rare, I never bother with my nails anymore (no-one sees them as I wfh). My legs are always a bit hairy as I never have time for a bath and pamper session. I'm too tired to exercise regularly and I eat terribly. I treat myself as completely unimportant compared to my child, job and the house, and while I know it's not right, it's also not possible to do everything.

Covidwoes · 27/06/2022 11:44

No I don't, but my kids are health 4 and 17 months. I'm anticipating I'll be able to do more as they get older.

AliasGrape · 27/06/2022 11:56

Well kind of.

We eat healthy meals, focus on cooking from scratch, don't eat meat (do eat fish) and make sure to have at least our 5 a day. All that said, I have a tendency to undo all that with a load of biscuits or other sugary crap, and I periodically slide into eating too much of that kind of thing. Intermittent fasting (eating only between 12 and 6 for me) does help with that, keeps me focused on eating the good stuff and stops me snacking all evening - I don't always keep it up but it's something I return to often. It's not even about weight loss, though that too, it's just a good way of managing my intake and stopping bad habits creeping in.

I've historically been terrible at drinking enough water, or drinking enough full stop. Really focused on changing that in the last year or so - primarily driven by hoping it will help my skin! Even if I forget through the day, I drink at least a pint if not more of water as soon as I get up and before anything else, and a full pint of water before bed.

Exercise I definitely need to do more, and have signed up for a 10,000 step a day challenge.

Skin care - I've always been crap at this, but I've noticed a huge difference in my skin since I turned 40 and had my daughter (both in the same year). I still find it all a bit baffling, but I've been trying to learn about different products and have found some that I'm using - decent cleanser, toner, a serum and a spf in the day, nightcream at night. They're reasonably priced, more than a tub of nivea but not as much as some of the high end brands, and I'm being quite religious about using them. It seems to be having some positive effects - not miracles obviously but skin does look better overall. Also just makes me feel a bit better that I'm bothering.

I have always had my hair cut and coloured fairly regularly. I don't bother to blow dry or style it unless I'm doing anything special though - wash every few days, air dry, stick it up in a pony tail or bun is the norm. Every now and then (if I'm going away or to a wedding or something) I'll get my nails done, and I promise myself I'm going to keep it up or at least make sure to take care of them myself, but I don't do it. I keep handcream by the sink and try to remember to use it whenever I wash my hands, but probably only do about half the time.

My clothes aren't great. I feel like I've aged out of what I used to wear, but have probably overcorrected and gone really frumpy. I'm really struggling to find what suits me now, particularly as I don't have much to spend at all.

Sleep is still not brilliant with a toddler. I don't always help myself though, spend too much time scrolling instead of getting an early night and making the most of the time before I'm inevitably woken.

It took about 18 months of being nothing but a mum, focusing pretty much exclusively on DD, but I am starting to think about me a little bit more now. In terms of getting back some of the things I used to enjoy, and trying to find new things for myself too. Nothing huge, but making time to read for example, or listening to a piece of classical music as I want to learn more about that (see the year of wonder thread in the book section - that's what has inspired me!), or leaving DD with her dad so I can just go for a weeknight tea with my best friend. I've got a weekend away with friends booked in for later in the year, and a few nights out planned in here and there. That's looking after myself too and I'm getting there.

Bunty55 · 27/06/2022 12:00

Every so often I start 'taking care'. More pedicures and looking after my nails.. things like that.
Ordinarily I do not do anything profound at all apart from walking a lot and looking after my hair well
Every so often I remove facial hair which is a bind. Not much more than this

LiarActressGoTheFuckOut · 27/06/2022 12:10

I eat healthily, exercise and get plenty of sleep. My hairdresser friend does my hair but I’m not one for loads of products so face wash and moisturiser is about it on skincare. I couldn’t be arsed with too much maintenance, hate fake nails and lots of masks up and one of my nightmares would be any time at a spa for beauty treatments.

LiarActressGoTheFuckOut · 27/06/2022 12:11

make up

stayingpositiveifpossible · 27/06/2022 12:47

I have kind of set this for a goal for myself over the next three days (it is new moon on Wed so the timing I hope is right for me). DD is away on uni summer school so there is less housework and washing to do!

I'm a single parent too so there is an element of feeling as if I've put me last, plus post menopause the stuff about not knowing who I am anymore!

So I'm starting with drinking enough water.
Used to do yoga - have cleared space in one room to start again.
Difficult to get into the bathroom for pampering so will try to start that again.

On the wardrobe front not too bad but tend to wear two outfits only - and tons of things that would be nice but that I don't wear.

Up to date with dentist as far as it goes (which is an achievement because some haven't managed to get appointments over covid).

Smear tests up to date.

Weight creeping up to the highest it has ever been. I'm hoping I fix nutrition and the rest will follow. Vicious circle with the weight as I'm sure if I lost some I would find exercise easier.

Trying to cut myself some slack as I lost my mum this year and still grieving.

So absolute self care basics I've made progress in some areas and not others.

QuizzlyBears · 27/06/2022 13:39

I do. I work full time but I don’t have children and I make time for me - gentle exercise, I eat well. I cook from scratch mostly and meal plan/shop at weekends so the week ahead is easy. I scrub/moisturise and I have a solid 5 step skin care routine, I drink plenty of water and get good sleep. I take care of my hair and nails and get my eyebrows and lashes done. I’m not high maintenance, all of these are routines I’ve built in over time.

ivykaty44 · 27/06/2022 13:45

I am for one hour of exercise each day, usually manage more

30 plant food varieties in a week

try to use active travel for trips under 5 miles, this has the added bonus of saving fuel costs, use bike or walk

TheSmallAssassin · 27/06/2022 13:57

Hmm, some of the examples that people are giving are more about looking nice for other people, rather than "taking care of yourself".

Taking care of myself for me means going to bed at a decent time (don't always manage this); getting out for a run regularly, because it keeps me fit and healthy and is good for my mental health; practising a martial art, good for keeping stronger, keeping me mentally fit by having to learn new things, mixing with a different set of people; taking a cold shower every morning; practising my balance; walking and talking with friends; doing things I enjoy; eating good food mostly prepared from scratch.

I've never worn gloves for washing up (though admittedly it isn't usually my job), but I put hand cream on a lot because it feels nice.

SaggyBlinders · 27/06/2022 14:09

Over lockdown I read Atomic Habits by James Clear, well actually I listened to it on audible. It was all pretty straight forward stuff, but made me realise that I need to look after myself and make myself do things like going to bed at a reasonable hour instead of binge watching Netflix until 1am when I have to get up at 6am.

I downloaded a habit tracker app on my phone, with the "habits" of:

  • get at least 6 hours of sleep a night
  • take a multivitamin
  • put SPF on my face
  • do 30 minutes of exercise each day (anything from a walk to a run)
  • drink at least a litre of water
  • floss
  • cleanse tone and moisturise my face
  • 10 minute yoga (Yoga with Kassandra on YouTube) before bed

I haven't consistently done them since lockdown, but I feel much better when I do. I could do with eating a lot better though, need to start meal planning again.

For looking after your hands, get some nice marigold gloves and leave them by the sink. Keep a little basket with cuticle oil and hand cream by the sofa or your bed so you can give yourself a hand massage while you're watching TV in the evenings.

endlesscraziness · 27/06/2022 14:15

I go to the gym 4-5 times a week and eat healthily 90% of the time.

Hair appointments every few months and a good skincare regime

Still mostly look chaotic though 🤣

RudsyFarmer · 27/06/2022 14:59

I do in some regards but could do much better.

Nearly fifty so weight is a battle but I keep it just on the borders of okay by not eating any junk, or fizzy shit or caffeine or alcohol. Low carb. I absolutely could lose a stone though.

I don’t do enough exercise.

I really need to do something about my heels. I don’t have my hair coloured enough but I’m fastidious about high SPF skin care and see a hygienist for my teeth ever three months.

i do see others who positively glow and no I’m not that person.

OddSocksandRainbowDocs · 27/06/2022 15:10

What worked for me was buying clothes I liked and felt good in rather than buying clothes because other people liked them. If that makes sense? For example, I love dungarees. They make my bum look huge but because I like them, I feel confident in them so therefore feel I can 'rock them'.

As for skin care, I wash my face with pears soap and put some face sun cream on. That's it. My skin looks fine. :)

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