Anyone else not enjoy being a SAHP?

[mummyname]

I'm currently a SAHP to a 2year old. He has 3 afternoons a week at nursery but the rest of the time it's me and him. Am waiting for him to start preschool aged 3. In the time he's at nursery I'm working with a view to working 4 days pw eventually. It's a long boring story but I've sort of ended up here without planning it. Husband is fully supportive of us getting more childcare and me working but nothing is available yet so we are on waiting list. Pandemic got in the way of our original ideas about how these years would look...

Anyway...! Not looking for advice on what to do as I'm fairly clear I want more time to work and we need the £ anyway. But I do feel guilty sometimes that I don't enjoy being a SAHP for the days I am. I find myself longing for the nursery afternoons to come around. DS is full-on and a really bubbly energetic child. I obviously adore him (I feel like I have to always use that caveat) but the SAHP life is not one for me.

My MIL doesn't get it at all and raised 7 kids without working a day. She says she kept having babies as she loved being a SAHP so much. I feel she disapproves of me wanting to work and can't understand it. She lives 3 hours away from us so doesn't help out but seems resentful we are using a nursery instead of asking her.

Just looking for solidarity and anyone else out there who really hasn't enjoyed being a SAHP?

I can't put my finger on why I don't enjoy it, because I love my son so much. I guess it's just a combination of busy and bored and a lot of drudgery.

Not at all, it’s hard I imagine, especially when they are at an age when they don’t nap (I value the time DS sleeps in the day so much!)

I loathed being at home when my children were small. I found it lonely, boring and tedious. As a result I went back to work full time when they were six months old. Some people love it and that's fine. I didn't and I think that's fine too. Don't feel bad about it. We are all different. Children need a happy mother and that's what counts.

Yep, I’m on Maternity leave for my second DD, I have a 2 year old and a 7 month old and some days I just dread it. The days can be so long and dull, I love my DC and I love playing with them but all day is hard.

Yup boring, very boring despite the lovely moments.

I work part time and struggle with the days I'm off with my daughter. It's boring and filled with mum guilt.

It's very, very dull and yet also exhausting. I definitely need more stimulation than toddler conversation!

I am so happy I was able to go back to work. I love DS more than life itself, but I enjoy working - and it is so nice to have a break - time with adults, time to think/be intellectually challenged, time to feel like myself. I would feel like a drudge at home full time - can see others would love it, it is just not for me. And DS adores nursery and is gaining so much from being there

I don't get how people are bored. Your home has the internet, books, option to go wherever you want, can speak to loved ones, improve your skills, learn a new skill.

Home is the most exciting place ever!

You're missing out the part about spending all day with a toddler. They're not very scintillating.

I never get bored at home alone but with DS it’s a bit more complicated. As lovely as he is, he is very demanding (I don’t really like using that word as it suggests he’s doing something wrong - he isn’t, he’s a totally normal toddler) but it does mean I can’t watch television or read or browse the web!

@woodencoffetable do you have children?

It also has someone who says 'mummy mummy mummy' literally 600 times a day.

Yep, I started to dislike being a full time SAHM to my 2 year old twins, so I now work 2 days a week. They go nursery on these days and I just feel so much more happy having time with them but also time away from being "Mummy" all day. Being a SAHP is hard!

Yup!! I'm 100% with you on this.

I have been at home for almost FIVE years 🫠

It was fine with our first, because it was all new and I had lots of mummy friends and IME one child wasn't too difficult to wrangle.

Then our second was born 18 months later.

What a game changer 😳

the workload of two small children is insane and incredibly monotonous. DC2 was also only five months old when covid began so we spent a LOT of time inside.

And the real kicker of all of this is that I was so sure I'd love being a SAHM that I gave up my job. And now I can't find anything else that a) I'd like to do, b) that will employ me!

I 🤣 so I don't 😩

Not easy if you've got small children who need entertainingly all day.

Never done it because I know I'd be bored out my skull from day -1!

I'd not had the chance to be a SAHM until covid & furlough came along. Then I had five months at home with ds (11).

We coped but I was pleased to get back to work. You aren't the only one. Maybe having a career before children changes our mindsets.

😂at the idea you can learn a new skill with a demanding 2 year old. You're lucky if you can take a moment to yourself to pee without them destroying the house.

I have enjoyed being a SAHM at times and hated it others. It's a 'job' that varies hugely depending on the ages/stages, it's totally normal not to love it all. I both look forward to it being over and know I will miss it!

I hated being on maternity leave and was so bored and miserable. I had severe PND and only came off anti-depressants when I went back to work!

I couldn't have coped as a SAHM. I wouldn't have been very good at it (DD has learnt so much more from being at nursery part-time!) and I'd have been miserable and frustrated for much of the time. We developed a much better relationship once I was back at work and we weren't together all the time.

I also faced opposition - my DM was very into how I'd 'cope' back at work and made quite a few snide comments. She didn't work until my younger brother was about 6 but she was a terrible SAHM - no patience, always cross, expected ridiculous standards of behaviour around sitting silently etc. She wasn't a responsive parent and put the needs of just about everyone else above her children so I grew up very clingy and lacking in confidence. She has no concept that any of this is her doing! I really wish she'd gone to work and put us in childcare so we could have had consistency and attentive care.

I've had to learn to ignore her - she's now moved on to criticising me working full time .

Nope I didn’t love it. We had good days of course, some great days even, and I had lovely sahm friends that helped so much with the boredom aspect of it, but it’s all just rather endless and tedious day after day. I think part time work would’ve been my ideal when they were little. A couple of mornings of groups and play dates and then some mental stimulation the rest of the week.

Back at work now and the only thing I’m not appreciating is how much housework I used to get done during the day, that now I have to do on an evening and weekend. Otherwise yes, I much prefer talking to adults than toddlers.

I don't like being at home, and for me it's better for my kids to be at nursery learning and playing , then when they are home with me they have me 100%
Everyone has different opinions and that's fine, it's honestly just what works for you and your family unit

I enjoy being a sahm but when in hell would the op get to read a none Julia Donaldson style book with a toddler running around.

I hated maternity leave so didn't even get as far as a SAHP not that I would anyway as I'm the higher Warner by considerable amount. Part time was better but still wasn't for me. I love it now my children are beyond the small child stage

It’s really hard work. I think it’s the thanklessness and the relentlessness of it that’s so difficult. By the time you’ve cleaned up one mess there’s another huge mess to clear up and never any appreciation it’s just like you’re constantly working to the bone and nobody even notices or cares which is very demoralising. It’s the hardest I’ve ever worked in my life, I hardly ever sat down or had any time for myself. I imagine doing it during the pandemic must have been so difficult because the only thing that kept me sane was going out, lots, and meeting up with friends and family. The days spent at home were the hardest.

I was very resentful because it wasn't planned (postpartum psychosis) but I found it was very much what I made it. Bad days were horrendous, good days were fun. I signed up for an OU degree when dc1 was 8 months old. I made friends. I volunteered. He's 7 now. I'm still at home with his little sister. That degree was awarded last year and I've started another one. I still have the friends and I still volunteer.

For me the trick was very much to stay busy and to balance their needs and mine. So pre covid we did at least one baby & toddler class a day, lots of playdates and just going places.

I found covid in particular really hard because a lot of the things I relied on for my wellbeing (in person tutorials, volunteering and the classes) stopped. For me it's tricky though. Dh is less than supportive of my return to work.