Anyone else not enjoy being a SAHP?

[mummyname]

I'm currently a SAHP to a 2year old. He has 3 afternoons a week at nursery but the rest of the time it's me and him. Am waiting for him to start preschool aged 3. In the time he's at nursery I'm working with a view to working 4 days pw eventually. It's a long boring story but I've sort of ended up here without planning it. Husband is fully supportive of us getting more childcare and me working but nothing is available yet so we are on waiting list. Pandemic got in the way of our original ideas about how these years would look...

Anyway...! Not looking for advice on what to do as I'm fairly clear I want more time to work and we need the £ anyway. But I do feel guilty sometimes that I don't enjoy being a SAHP for the days I am. I find myself longing for the nursery afternoons to come around. DS is full-on and a really bubbly energetic child. I obviously adore him (I feel like I have to always use that caveat) but the SAHP life is not one for me.

My MIL doesn't get it at all and raised 7 kids without working a day. She says she kept having babies as she loved being a SAHP so much. I feel she disapproves of me wanting to work and can't understand it. She lives 3 hours away from us so doesn't help out but seems resentful we are using a nursery instead of asking her.

Just looking for solidarity and anyone else out there who really hasn't enjoyed being a SAHP?

I can't put my finger on why I don't enjoy it, because I love my son so much. I guess it's just a combination of busy and bored and a lot of drudgery.

Op I think everyone set up is different. I know with family support my experience would have been so so different.
Just a few hours would have transformed my day.
I found many days so incredibly hard, especially in the rain when after a walk there wasn't much else to do outside.
A bath was a good distract for them, toddler groups were my life line.
It's really hard.

Esp with dd 2 who was such a live wire!

But, without wanting to sound like much of a martyr, it's not solely about me is it?

It's about the child?

And at each stage, problem's go and new ones emerge but your there helping them through.
Try and get a perspective that works for you to get through because once you are at work time will fly!

Yes just one and I'm home all day with her and the day is full of different things like going out or staying in, going swimming, park, or we can do our own thing and I can get some work done or browse online or cook.

I don't understand how some people are able to manage so much while looking after babies. did you get all your studying done during nap times? Or were you able to study while supervising your DC as they played? I find it tricky to even cook as my 9month old needs something every few minutes!

How on earth do you do a university degree with a baby/toddler/small child at home? Mine did a 3 hour nap a day in her second year and I suppose in the evenings could be feasible, especially if a partner is around, but I couldn't have found the focussed time to do it. It was bad enough for 12 weeks in the first lockdown!

I don't understand how some people are able to manage so much while looking after babies.

With dc1 we'd do an activity every morning and then a walk. Most days he'd nap in the pushchair for an hour and I'd either study outside on a bench or in a local cafe. Then the rest at night whilst he slept. The most difficult year was probably when I was pregnant with dc2 because I felt so ill with nausea and anaemia and then my dad died on top of everything else. I think I had 5 days between handing in my project and her birth. Dh took the day off to cover for exams.

With both of them I'd set up activities like the duplo or playmobil or play dough beforehand and do bits whilst they played. With voluntary work, I did a year and a half in a local charity shop whilst pregnant and then until dc2 got too independent. I just used to wear her in a sling, she loved it. I'd study there too if I could lull her to nap on me. I'm also on committees and again, I have taken both kids to meetings before when they were small.

Off the back of postpartum psychosis and pnd plus pre existing trauma, I decided I was doing it and did it. I didn't really think about the logistics or whether it was meant to be hard. I needed it if that makes sense.

Im 5 months in to SAHM (I’ve taken a sabbatical) and I am enjoying it but I also make sure I have a plan somewhat and certain activities we do on certain days. I’m also travelling about a bit with baby to see family regularly for a few days here and there so that is also nice. He is going to nursery from sept for 2.5 days a week and I will be still at home so not sure how that will go! We are also doing a house renovation so that also keeps me busy xx

I don’t judge you at all for not enjoying it the same way I would never judge someone for being a SAHM. In my experience it often comes down to how much people enjoy their jobs/how important their career is and was. I have friends who became SAHP but hated work so much preferred being off and threw themselves into it. The ones of who reluctantly/anxiously gave up a good enjoyable career often struggled a lot.
I work part time and it’s a dream. I hope the opportunity comes up that you need soon.

I lasted four months with my first and five with my second.
The most miserable time of my life.

Also there's a massive difference being at home all day with, say a 5 month old than a 15 or 20 month old! At 5 months they're still not crawling so they're pretty easy and you can just plonk them down and sing to them whilst you do housework. At 15 or 20 months there's no chance of ever achieving anything constructive ever again so absolute lol to the pp who suggested learning a new skill!!!