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Original poster

To leave an 11 year old

85 replies

flexiblebenefit · 22/06/2022 21:06

DS is 11 (12 in Sept). Year 6
He is a very very sensible boy.
DH and I are going out to an "end of GCSE" drinks thing with our daughter (who would usually watch him.) We would be a 10 min drive away and gone from 8-11pm

I've booked a babysitter for him and he's MORTIFIED. I'll obv feed him before we leave - he fancied a quiet hour on minecraft with his mates before taking himself off to bed at 9.00. He's entirely unfussed about staying home alone, we have good neighbours opposite and he just doesn't want a babysitter. He's surprisingly grumpy about it.

I'm not being unreasonable am I? He's too young to be left isn't he? Or am I being overprotective again?

OP posts:
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 23/06/2022 00:49

I have left him in the day as he's a sensible 11 year old

avamiah · 23/06/2022 00:52

My daughter is 12 , year 7 secondary school and I often leave her alone at home while I go shopping or to a appointment as in hair salon etc as she doesn’t want to come with me.
I’m talking like 5 pm or 6 pm for a hour or so and she is usually doing her homework.

I personally wouldn’t leave her alone at 10 or 11 pm to go to bed by herself, as that’s not acceptable in my opinion.
Get a baby sitter for a couple of hours.

Bagpuss2022 · 23/06/2022 00:57

You know your son we are leaving our DD 12 for the first time so late on Friday 8-11 going to our local to celebrate ds2 turning 18 a tribute band is playing.
we are only a 3~5 min walk away and my friend lives next door but one

its all relative we have to start somewhere loosening the apron strings

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DifficultBloodyWoman · 23/06/2022 01:09

Only you know your son, OP.

But to put this in perspective, I know children younger than that taking international flights unaccompanied for 9 hours or more.

Is your son a pyromaniac?
If yes, then no, don’t leave him alone.

Could he dial 999 in an emergency?
Could he run out of the house and to a neighbour in an emergency?
If yes, then yes, leave him alone.

You have to start leaving him alone at some stage and it makes more sense to do so when you think he is ready rather than impose an arbitrary age limit.

Remaker · 23/06/2022 03:03

My DD is nearly 16. She babysits for a family who have an only child, a boy aged 12. It’s not ‘babysitting’ though, it’s just hanging out. They watch a movie together, eat snacks. DD helps him with his homework if he has any. It means he can go to bed and not feel nervous about being alone, parents can relax and have a nice time and not rush home early. Seems to work for everyone.

I was happy to leave mine alone in the evening when DD was 12, DS 11 but there were two of them and we are very close with our neighbours. I think 11 is a bit too young to be alone at night. Unexpected things can happen (our pipe once exploded and sprayed hot water everywhere, that made me panic and I was 45!) and they need to be mature enough to cope.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 23/06/2022 03:14

I started babysitting other kids at night when I was 11. This was in 2005ish, too, not 1850. Most parents came home to relieve me of my duties around 10:30, but I’d have survived until 11. If your DC is in his own house and has no responsibility for other children… seems like a no-brainer to me that it should be fine to leave him, unless he’s done things in the past that make you particularly not trust him?

ChocolateHippo · 23/06/2022 03:42

I'd keep the babysitter but stop calling them a 'babysitter' in his hearing. Say they're there to house sit and for emergencies or something...

sashh · 23/06/2022 03:55

lolil · 22/06/2022 22:00

End of GSCE drinks? Won't they be underage? misses point of thread

I wouldn't leave an 11 year old to go celebrating something with their older sibling, no. Can one of you stay home and one go with older DC?

At 16 you can have a drink with a meal as long as someone over 18 is paying.

OP

You know your child.

Let your neighbours know, maybe ask them to pop over before he goes to bed (with DS's OK) just to check everything is OK.

toucaninjapan · 23/06/2022 04:21

I think it's okay to leave him alone for a couple of hours. That being said, I myself at the age of 4 was left at home alone for several hours when my granny had to run some errands and it was alright. Wouldn't do it for my kids though, but 12-year old is old enough to look after himself for 2-3 hours.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 23/06/2022 06:14

I think it's absolutely fine - especially as it's summer and probably still fairly light out until 9-10pm anyway.

But I would make sure one of you is able to get back home if he feels worried or something.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/06/2022 06:22

It'll be light until 10 anyway.

If he's mature and confident I'd say do it. But tell him you will text him halfway through to check he's OK. And let neighbours know so they can keep a discreet eye on the house.

blessedbethebutter · 23/06/2022 06:35

During the day not a problem but not at night no. What if he tells his mates he's alone who then tell the parents who report you. Leave him with the babysitter.

Clymene · 23/06/2022 06:39

No I wouldn't leave a child of that age either. It's only because he's got an older sibling that this is a new thing. If he didn't, you'd have had babysitters before

Ginandslippers · 23/06/2022 06:46

I have a just turned 12 year old who wouldn't be happy with this, but if your son is then I'd be tempted. On the proviso one of you is sober so can immediately get home without waiting for lift/taxi, and a neighbour is aware he is alone. Would he wake up & know what to do if the smoke alarm went off? What if something happened like a takeaway driver came to the wrong address, would that worry him? My dc recently rang me in a panic when I was walking the dog a 5 min walk away, during the day, because the postman came to the door with a parcel, and he wasn't comfortable opening it when home alone.

Longdistance · 23/06/2022 06:46

My dd12 can be left on her own, but I wouldn’t trust her to take herself off to bed, she’d be gaming all night. She is sensible as she walks a distance to get a bus to school and then a distance again, doesn’t need much reminding of doing her homework, but leave her with the internet and she goes silly.
Keep the babysitter as it’s a late one and it’s someone to keep an eye on him. He probably doesn’t like the word babysitter either. I say to my girls it’s someone to keep on eye on you so you don’t burn the house down 😉

JessicaBrassica · 23/06/2022 06:50

I'd be more concerned about something happening when he's asleep and him having to wake up and deal with something.

I'll happily run my 12yo to a club leaving DS in the house but I won't leave him to pick her up once he's gone to sleep. Maybe that's just me...

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/06/2022 06:51

He probably doesn’t like the word babysitter either.

No, but that's already the term that has been used.

MichelleScarn · 23/06/2022 06:58

If its a large group of dc and parents, surely he can't be the only younger sibling? What are the rest of the families doing? If you'd feel uncomfortable telling them your plan is to leave him home alone then you know its not the right thing to do.

AyeUpMeDuck · 23/06/2022 06:59

Does he have a way to contact you?
Yes - go out and enjoy yourself, don't get hammered just in case of emergency.
No - buy him a phone, then go out and enjoy yourself, don't get hammered just in case of emergency.

It might be my upbringing, 80s and 90s, but I recall tons of kids being left for a few hours of a night with no problems. Some kids had parents that worked till 10/11 etc. My mum worked in a sandwhich factory 3 nights a week, wouldn't get home till 10.45. if there was an emergency I had to use the rotary dial landline... By the time you'd dialled, the house had burnt down anyway... 🤪

Remmy123 · 23/06/2022 07:12

its fine, my son is same age

BogRollBOGOF · 23/06/2022 07:13

In those circumstances I would be OK with leaving DS1 who will be 12 by the end of the year.

My criteria at present is that we are local and accessible, it's not over a major meal time (he'll just graze on cereal bars and wouldn't do something like beans on toast) and he's not sleeping on his own (deep sleeper)
The evenings are light which is more reassuring. In our case DS1 needs less sleep than average and could easily stay up late gaming/ watching TV.

Due to DS2 (9) we haven't tested the ground like that in the evening, but there have been times in the day that DS2 has been happy to come with me and DS1 has opted for quiet time at home for a few hours while I've been within a 10
minute walk.

FruitFlies · 23/06/2022 07:13

I would leave a sensible 11 year old alone for a couple of hours in the day time but not at night. 11 is too late.
Why does it have to be celebration drinks and not a celebration meal out for the whole family? 3 hours of drinking is very long. If you must go, come home for 10pm.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 23/06/2022 07:15

Too young to leave that late. I'm very relaxed about leaving kids alone but this is too long and too late and too young.
get a babysitter and explain they are only there in case of emergencies.

yourmumsnet · 23/06/2022 07:17

Is there any official guidance on this?

Anyone a social worker that can offer advice?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 23/06/2022 07:21

yourmumsnet · 23/06/2022 07:17

Is there any official guidance on this?

Anyone a social worker that can offer advice?

I'm a social worker
no there is not. However if you leave a child and something happens that you could have reasonably predicted then you could be arrested for child neglect.

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