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Original poster

To leave an 11 year old

85 replies

flexiblebenefit · 22/06/2022 21:06

DS is 11 (12 in Sept). Year 6
He is a very very sensible boy.
DH and I are going out to an "end of GCSE" drinks thing with our daughter (who would usually watch him.) We would be a 10 min drive away and gone from 8-11pm

I've booked a babysitter for him and he's MORTIFIED. I'll obv feed him before we leave - he fancied a quiet hour on minecraft with his mates before taking himself off to bed at 9.00. He's entirely unfussed about staying home alone, we have good neighbours opposite and he just doesn't want a babysitter. He's surprisingly grumpy about it.

I'm not being unreasonable am I? He's too young to be left isn't he? Or am I being overprotective again?

OP posts:
BookShark · 22/06/2022 22:20

We still book a babysitter for 12 year-old DS (only just turned 12) but they essentially ignore each other - she's just there to make sure he goes to bed on time and be available in case of emergency (which has never been necessary, but you never know).

During the day, I wouldn't bother - it's the going to bed alone, waking up disorientated etc. I think we're coming to the end of it now though, he's adamant he can look after himself so we'll probably start building up to it over the summer (e.g. local meal out but back by 10pm so if he's failed to go to bed it's not translating into really late night - he likes his sleep!)

Luredbyapomegranate · 22/06/2022 22:24

If he’s sensible it’s fine.

AppleCharlottie · 22/06/2022 22:25

My 11 year old wouldn't cope with this, no.
One parent would have to stay home if we couldn't make other arrangements (by dropping to a friend or relative for example).

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ittakes2 · 22/06/2022 22:32

I would be fine about leaving him except him going to sleep while alone - children can be heavy sleepers especially when they first crash out and might not hear fire alarms etc.

Mariposista · 22/06/2022 22:38

I can see where your son is coming from. But you also, if he hasn't been alone before (as his sister is usually there). I imagine if her is sensible he will be fine. Most probably he will be watching tv or on his games until you come back.
BTW the end of exam party sounds brilliant and well done to your daughter for making it through to the end!

supersonicginandtonic · 22/06/2022 22:40

So you're having an adults event to celebrate getting through GCSEs yet it was the kids who did all the work? 🤷‍♀️
Talk about milking it as an excuse for parents to drink 🙄

Svara · 22/06/2022 22:46

Only the time of night would bother me, I didn't leave DS past 10pm until he was 13. Though I guess it is midsummer, so different to 11pm in winter. The same length of time but home at 10pm and I wouldn't give it a second thought.

stayathomer · 22/06/2022 22:47

Personally I know any noise would freak out my 12 year old, also the idea of him either sitting watching tv alone OR going to bed alone would make me feel guilty but that’s specific to him- he’s a worrier!

AppleCharlottie · 22/06/2022 22:47

supersonicginandtonic · 22/06/2022 22:40

So you're having an adults event to celebrate getting through GCSEs yet it was the kids who did all the work? 🤷‍♀️
Talk about milking it as an excuse for parents to drink 🙄

Bit of an ironic comment given your username.

Parents put a lot of work into supporting their children through exams too. Of course the kids are the stars, but it's a celebration for everyone.

lolil · 22/06/2022 22:48

Goodness you are so rude OP

alanabennett · 22/06/2022 22:50

He's 12 in September? With kindness, does he have some additional needs? My son just turned 11 and I would be comfortable leaving him for a few hours in the evening. I'm a little surprised so many people think he's too young.

TheFormidableMrsC · 22/06/2022 22:52

Absolutely no way I could leave my 11 year old. Not a chance. He sets fire to things and has ASD. Even if he didn't I think it's a bit young. I didn't leave my very sensible NT DD until she was 14 and that was only short errands.

TheFormidableMrsC · 22/06/2022 22:53

supersonicginandtonic · 22/06/2022 22:40

So you're having an adults event to celebrate getting through GCSEs yet it was the kids who did all the work? 🤷‍♀️
Talk about milking it as an excuse for parents to drink 🙄

ODFOD

AppleCharlottie · 22/06/2022 22:55

alanabennett · 22/06/2022 22:50

He's 12 in September? With kindness, does he have some additional needs? My son just turned 11 and I would be comfortable leaving him for a few hours in the evening. I'm a little surprised so many people think he's too young.

Could they cope in an emergency- that's the question parents ask themselves I suppose.

My 11 year old isn't mature enough yet.

Sunnytwobridges · 22/06/2022 22:59

Discovereads · 22/06/2022 21:16

11 is quite old enough to be home alone for 3 hrs imho
Youre only going to be 10mins away

I agree. But I think it depends on the kid. My dd was fine being home by herself at that age for a few hours. My Dsis when she was that age was scared of everything so my parents had to hire sitters until she was about 12 if I wasn’t around.

Dartmoorcheffy · 22/06/2022 23:02

My parents were dance teachers and regularly left me at home at that age. I was fine . If he's sensible then I would not worry

Svara · 22/06/2022 23:09

alanabennett · 22/06/2022 22:50

He's 12 in September? With kindness, does he have some additional needs? My son just turned 11 and I would be comfortable leaving him for a few hours in the evening. I'm a little surprised so many people think he's too young.

It would only be the time that would worry me. I didn't leave DS past 10pm until he was 13. He was left for up to two hours from 8, two hours after school every day and whole days in the holidays at 11. He still waits up for me at 16 though!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/06/2022 23:11

Nope.

He needs to go on a (reciprocated in the future) sleepover at a mates house.

Goawayangryman · 22/06/2022 23:17

I think if you asked this same question in germanic or nordic countries you would probably be met with quite a lot of puzzlement 😁.

He is plenty old enough to be left, providing no additional needs or propensity to set the house on fire. And so what if he doesn't go to bed before you're home..he will be fine. I never go out late late but my kids (one older than yours, one same) are always still awake when I get back.

Natsku · 22/06/2022 23:24

My 11 year old is fine left for hours on her own but I wouldn't leave her to go to bed on her own, she sleeps like a log once she falls asleep and nothing would wake her so like a pp I would worry about fire alarm going off and her not waking up to it. If it was something I really couldn't miss I'd go but tell her she can stay up until we get back and get back as early as possible.

FrecklesMalone · 22/06/2022 23:27

If sensible and happy with it no problem.

CallOnMe · 22/06/2022 23:37

During the day - absolutely fine.
During the night - I’d worry.

You know your child and area better than we do.

I do think it’s a bit odd that the parents are having drinks because the GCSEs are over - are you sure it’s not just for the kids?

SammyScrounge · 23/06/2022 00:33

He's a bit young to be left for that length of time. Keep the baby sitter.

AlwaysLatte · 23/06/2022 00:42

It's the time of day for me. Daytime, I'd leave our 11 year old for 2 hours but not late at night. We have a sitter who's a local childminder so on those rare occasions she comes over.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 23/06/2022 00:48

No I wouldn't , my 11 year old didn't hear the fire alarm when it went off the other week when he was asleep. Apparently lots of children don't

I may be paranoid after reading the ama about house fires and how quickly they take hold