2 children in quick succession and still thriving anyone?

[hawkshead2015]

I'm dilly dallying about having our second child even though I'm "older" and I know I need to get on with it. After 2 years my DD is finally becoming ever so slightly more enjoyable to parent - I'm getting decent sleep and enjoying her talking and communicating easier. I hated the baby stage and 12-18 months in particular I found hard work. Missed my career and my fitness etc.

Anyway I look at other women and see them popping out two children in quick succession and think how sensible, get it all over and done with! Eg Carrie Symonds / Johnson... and so many women I know in my area. I've delayed TTC as I'm not keen on parting with my new found sleep and tiny bits of freedom, but I know I'm only prolonging the agony!

Don't get me wrong, I really want the family with two children but just not the birth newborn and toddler bit! (I don't mean to sound flippant and in no way take for granted having a second healthy baby).

Has anyone had two children in quick succession and still managed to look fantastic, keep it together and not lose the plot entirely? I want to get to the place where I'm back at the gym and getting a teeny bit of time for myself again.

Any tips about how I can do this given having a second is surely just doubling the graft?

Bumping

I have 4 children, the first two were close together (18 months between them) then I had a 4 year gap, then another two with just over 2 years between them
It is so so so much easier having two a similar age than trying to entertain kids of vastly different ages and stages
The first two after the first year were on exactly the same schedule, into the same things, it was practically like having one child
Then having a 4 & 6 year old plus a newborn who couldn’t have been on a more different schedule if they’d tried was hard
Now the eldest is 12 and the youngest is 4 and it is impossible to please them all at once, we mostly divide them into the big kids and the little kids, I worry the two pairs won’t have a close relationship as they grow

I suggest get it all out of the way at once then you get your life back and the kids will be closer

…in my experience anyway

There is 12 months and 2 weeks between mine aka I was pregnant with a 3 month old. I don't know if I can attest to looking fantastic. I certainly didnt feel it at the time but when I look back on the photos now, I wish I looked like that. That the age old flaw of not appreciating what youve got til its gone!

I remember being terrified at the small age gap but it really was a great success. Bottles, nappies, no sleep, nursery runs etc all out of the way at once. I can't recall it being a great deal more difficult with two than the one as I was doing it all any way. I think it would be harder to have one at school with a set routine you need to follow and then a baby with all the associated chaos. Thats the people I am in awe of!

Whether you have time for self-care, gym, hobbies etc really does come down to your partner and extended family support. Regardless of having one, two or six kids - its all possible if the people around you are willing and able to help.

My advice, if you are certain you want more kids and are only worried about the small age gap: just do it. Its never going to be easy but you'll get through it because, quite frankly, you will have no choice 😜

My two are 12 months apart, now 3 and 2 and I'm pregnant with my third. Can't say I look fantastic 😂 but it wasn't horrendous. It had it's hard parts of course but then they were both able to start preschool at a similar time so I went from full on for a couple of years to suddenly a load of free time. I also didn't feel it was double the graft the whole time.

I will soon be in a similar position to @ColourfulOnesie , so I’m delighted to hear that it’s not all bad 🤣

I will say though @hawkshead2015 that even if you were to conceive now, your eldest would be nearly 3 by the time any new baby came, so not really quick succession!

I had just over 18 months between my eldest and will have just under 2 years between my youngest 2 hopefully.

The early years of having my eldest were absolutely fraught, and I found it exhausting and really, really hard work. Now though, they are easy peasy, and it’s the baby who is the pain… so I’ve concluded that toddlers are just really hard work, and 2 toddlers is really hard work!

I can’t say I really managed to get anything nearly normal until the (now) middle child was about 3. But we have no support outside our marriage so obviously circumstances will dictate a lot of how those early years affect you.

anyway, crack on! I think whether things are easy or hard even themselves out at various points in parenting so there is no real ideal time!

There are 13 months between mine. Youngest is 7 weeks. Being pregnant with a baby to look after was awful. I had sciatica, insomnia and ended up with antenatal depression. Having a 13 month old and a newborn has been surprisingly manageable (won't go so far as to say easy) sleepless nights are never fun but the oldest sleeps through so only 1 to deal with overnight. Managed to get them into a routine which means each of them get some 1on1 time and we haven't had any major issues so far. However, I have an amazing partner who does anything he can to help (had the baby last night so I could sleep and is currently working a 10 hour shift on 4 hours sleep) and family,in laws that will look after the kids so I can get to the gym, clean the house, sometimes just drink a cup of coffee in peace. Honestly, without them I think I would be a wreck.

It sounds as though there will be at least three years between your children. I wouldn't really call that quick succession. There is no perfect age gap. Personally I wouldn't want a larger age gap as talking to people with large gaps it makes days out/holidays etc more difficult as the interests of the children are different.
Small children are very hard work and whatever gap you have it will be hard. But if you want more than one child you just have to do it

I had 2 under 2 (NOT by choice but due to a contraceptive failure which was the Drs fault!) Ive always wanted 2 but honestly think I’d have been scared to have the second just as all the sleep and newborn bits were coming to an end and probably still wouldn’t be trying now because life with 1 is so easy.

Carrie Johnson has at least one full time nanny to look after her children, that's why it looks easy for her plus she'll have a cleaner to help keep her Downing Street home clean perhaps even a house keeper and chef too.......

22 months between mine. I really didn't want them so close in age but I too didn't like the baby stage so just wanted to get on with it 😂😂

I had a two year age gap. I looked and felt like shit when they were little. I had no time to myself. But those days are a distant memory and best of all my kids have no memory of it. For me it was better to get the shit bits out of the way in quick succession.

Shit bits 😂😂

I wouldn’t really call a 3y gap ‘quick succession’! We had 2 in 20 months and honestly the first year was horrendous. Second baby was colicky and I can’t really remember much apart from being overstretched and exhausted basically every day. It eased up slightly around 9 months and by the time they were both over 2 it was fab. They’re great friends and entertainment for each other. 3.9 years later we had a third!

The older mine gets (26 months now) the more I wish I’d gone for a very small age gap. It gets easier every day, and harder to think about going back to bottles and night wakings.

I have an 11 month old gap between my two and the youngest is currently 2 months old.
I currently have my eyebrows done, my toes down and my braids in and I’m in TGI’s having two cocktails with my sister living my best life! Next week I’m off to Thorpe Park for the day.

Your life doesn’t have to stop just because you have kids. You just find ways to work around them. In my defence tho, ex DP stays with our 2 month old every night so I can sleep in the room with 13 month old DD and get a solid 9/10hrs. That’s probs the only reason why I’m coping!

Thanks everyone. To clarify, I know that a 3 year age gap isn't very quick succession. I have delayed as I've not wanted to go back there you see... but I can't afford to delay much longer. Also I think because I had my first during Covid it was quite horrible at first (solo hospital visits, birth alone and husband kept out of post-natal for first 2 days after c-section until they relented) and then of course actually having a baby to look after on mat leave in lockdown was quite lonely. It took me a while to sort of "get over" the shock of it all I think, and get used to how much my life had changed. Having a baby can be a bit of a shock to the system at the best of times anyway!

I know we need to crack on basically!

I have a 20 month gap. It’s been the hardest time of my life. BUT now they are just starting to play together without the need for constant intervention, and oh my god it’s amazing.

Also we will be out of paying so much for childcare soon, and my other half has had the snip so we know we won’t have any more and I won’t have to go through another pregnancy.

Me time has been non existent since second one was born though (I work full time too), but I can see an end in sight. I wanted mine closer together as I knew I wouldn’t want to get one to school and then start the sleepless nights again (no shade at anyone who has done it that way though, it’s just my preference).

I've got a 2.5 year age gap, currently 2 and 5. Personally, I would say i'm still in the trenches.

The kids are fine, house is ok, careers are going well (just about to start a higher paying full time job with a better commute).

The main thing that has suffered has been my focus on myself. I've not lost the baby weight and my exercise is sporadic at best. My husband works 7 day shifts so there aren't bags of time where he can be at home while I go to the gym or whatever, and because no two weeks are the same, I can't commit to a particular group or class.

I am pleased i had them close together though, because my eldest is at a good age and my daughter will be out of the toddler stage soon so won't need such intense supervision. I've basically lived in toddler land for four years now so there is light at the end of the tunnel!

I had 3 under 4 and I found it tough. But it started getting easier when the youngest hit 3yo and since then I haven't looked back!

2 in 19 months here, first 8-10 weeks were very hard but my toddler doesn't sleep through the night yet so double awakenings was mostly the cause. After that u get into a routine and I loved getting an extra year at home with my toddler before they started school. Still managed 3 PT sessions a week and got back training and ran a marathon, my youngest is nearly 1 now and they already entertaining each other. Also managed to achieve a promotion while off on maternity so returned to work in a new role on more money. It’s not all doom and gloom but be prepared for some crazy hard days. My second baby was an easy baby compared to my first so I don’t know how I would have coped if they hadn’t of been so there is also that consideration. I am permanently exhausted though 😂 2.5year old still wakes in the night while 80% of time the youngest sleeps through to 5 or so.

22 months between mine (slightly smaller gap than planned though I did want to get it out of the way!).

I can't lie, the first 18 months or so was mainly horrific... I can't say I looked fantastic or kept it together (also very little family support). But, short-term pain for long-term gain!

Covid complicated things somewhat so it probably would have been easier quicker, but definitely started to see the gains when eldest started school Sep 2020 and I only had one laid back, compliant 2.5 year old (second child was much easier 🤣) to deal with.

And this coming September, I will have a 6 year old and a 4 year old who will both be at school (and I will probably be upping my hours at work but, I guess, helping starting to get more time for me which will help the family in the long run)... Whereas many other school parents still have a 1,2 or 3 year old at home (or more than one 😯).

One other big benefit is that my DC play so well together and most of the time are best friends... Much easier in terms of days out and activities as they're at similar stages.

Should also add we have fantastic GP support on both sides as my DH works long hours so that’s the only way I got gym and running done.

Mine are 15 months apart, I looked fantastic for a few years after DC2 was born. It is hard and I had PND but now aged 11 and almost 10, it's amazing they are friends, they ask each other for help, advice etc. They were both babies at the same time and DC1 can't remember before DC2 was born, logistically it is easier as they have the same sort of interests, eat the same, same bedtime etc.

mine are 3yrs 3 months apart- 4 school years from how their birthdays sit- honestly it worked for me but I can see that an even closer age gaps works best.
My eldest is trying to do homework and her sister is trying to claim the table. Cant have lego as my youngest still shoves things in her mouth when im not looking etc.

Mine are 2 years apart. No, I didn't look fantastic for a few years, all of my energies went into keeping my head above water. But once dd2 started school it all started getting gradually better, and I am not looking too bad now (although not quite what I was before two pregnancies and a combined 8st weight gain!)

Honestly if I had my time again I'd have a smaller gap. Just get it over and done with.