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Original poster

Payment references in friend's bank account

77 replies

OliveTheDog · 20/06/2022 20:40

My friend's exH is the BIGGEST BIGGEST wanker one could ever meet. Seriously horrible and controlling. Her DC has SEN and, by court order, was forced to have contact/stay with the ex. I won't list the many terrible things DC has been put through by him because it would take too long. The DC hasn't seen the Dad for two years now - they reached breaking point mentally and probably physically.
The Dad has now told everyone (eg. school) that he no longer wants any part in DC's life and he is not ever to be contacted
Anyway, my friend mentioned to me today that, over the years, when the Ex makes his CMS payment he has used low level insults as the reference. He recently changed the reference to "Lazy Cunt". However, the most recent reference is "I hope you both die"
Are people allowed to put that as a reference? Can my friend do anything about it although I get she wouldn't want the aggro?
By the way, the ExH is a policeman

OP posts:
Thatboymum · 20/06/2022 21:36

i used to work for a bank and can confirm they won’t/can’t do anything about it but the police certainly can is this not hate crime or something like that ? It borderlines on threatening and abusive and I’m sure it’s a case of would this make the average person feel threatened or intimidated there for is a crime ? If that makes sense .

User354354 · 20/06/2022 21:37

I don't think bank references are monitored at all.

My friends and I would always put heroine/cocaine/blowjob/porn as ref. Until we all reached an age to start applying for mortgages and realised it wasn't funny anymore !

Police for harassment and intent to cause emotion harm if the only way to go.

Dominuse · 20/06/2022 21:37

you friends needs to print them off and take them to the police and she needs to say ‘these cause me distress and upset and stress’ same with gp log them and state the above.

ask To police to charge him with assault under malicious communication and also emotional
assault

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Misunderstoodagain · 20/06/2022 21:41

Definitely report to the police. He will have to follow a code of conduct and something like that wouldn't go down at work very well

SouthAfricaMama · 20/06/2022 21:41

I'll not only take his to the police, I'd be tempted to go to the press as well. There are many stories cropping up about vile police behaviour, and rightly so. The bad apples needs removing.

Original poster
OliveTheDog · 20/06/2022 21:44

whynotwhatknot · 20/06/2022 21:35

i know its not the same as wayne couzens but this give me the chills-they think theyre bloody invincible

I agree

OP posts:
PieonaBarm · 20/06/2022 21:45

Dominuse · 20/06/2022 21:37

you friends needs to print them off and take them to the police and she needs to say ‘these cause me distress and upset and stress’ same with gp log them and state the above.

ask To police to charge him with assault under malicious communication and also emotional
assault

There's no such thing as assault as you describe. It's either battery (laying hands on) or "put in fear of immediate unlawful violence" so clenched fist in verbally aggressive argument kind of stuff.

It might fit the malicious communications act. Screenshot the banking app or get printed statements and report him. It's the only way he'll stop.

Beebeebaby · 20/06/2022 21:46

This is harassment and should be reported to the police - I’m sure it would be taken seriously .

Queenie6655 · 20/06/2022 21:49

frydae · 20/06/2022 20:57

I would take this to the police.

Yes police def

What an utter c--t

I'm battling an abusive fcker in the courts and even that has shocked me

They your friends to get as many examples together and take them to the police
Could get him for harassment???

LongPath · 20/06/2022 21:52

Yes agree definitely report to his employer, I'd say as a complaint about a police officer rather than as a crime iyswim.

I known it's by no means all of them, but bothered are too many officers who are simply unsuitable and as we've seen, they believe they're untouchable.

WeAreBob · 20/06/2022 21:59

I know this is so hard for her, and it is frightening to push back or rock the boat. It's a situation no one wants to be in and if we were, we'd want to ignore it and carry on and be the bigger person/not show weakness.

But the brave thing to do is to shine a light on this, especially because he is a police officer and these types of officers need a light shone onto them.

Your friend would be standing up against an institution full of this sort of man. She would be fighting am uphill battle. She would possibly lose the CMS if he lost his job. But she would be adding her voice to all the voices from all the women involved with abusive police officers. If she can then she should.

Show the statements to the police. Also tell her to email her MP with images of the statements, tell her MP she has reported it to the police but that she is afraid it will be ignored or there will he reprisals as he is a member of the force, that she finds it frightening and is being upset and stressed and is in fear from him because the messages are turning into threats. Get the MP involved.

I hope your friend can find it in herself to do this and I hope she has a lot of friends around her to support her.

Queenie6655 · 20/06/2022 22:00

WeAreBob · 20/06/2022 21:59

I know this is so hard for her, and it is frightening to push back or rock the boat. It's a situation no one wants to be in and if we were, we'd want to ignore it and carry on and be the bigger person/not show weakness.

But the brave thing to do is to shine a light on this, especially because he is a police officer and these types of officers need a light shone onto them.

Your friend would be standing up against an institution full of this sort of man. She would be fighting am uphill battle. She would possibly lose the CMS if he lost his job. But she would be adding her voice to all the voices from all the women involved with abusive police officers. If she can then she should.

Show the statements to the police. Also tell her to email her MP with images of the statements, tell her MP she has reported it to the police but that she is afraid it will be ignored or there will he reprisals as he is a member of the force, that she finds it frightening and is being upset and stressed and is in fear from him because the messages are turning into threats. Get the MP involved.

I hope your friend can find it in herself to do this and I hope she has a lot of friends around her to support her.

💯 to all of this

Terrible behaviour

Yorkshireteabags · 20/06/2022 22:01

Its abuse and harrassment. Report it. Get collect and pay from cms to stop him having the opportunity to do it.

HollowTalk · 20/06/2022 22:07

It's easy to say report to the police, but if he loses his job as a result, can you imagine his response?

Crikeyalmighty · 20/06/2022 22:12

I would also make a complaint to whatever force he works for- however thinking about it I wouldn't want them to lose the job as the cash is more beneficial than the satisfaction

HollowTalk · 20/06/2022 22:15

What would be best is if the bank made the complaint to the police. Could you talk to the bank and ask them about this?

carefullycourageous · 20/06/2022 22:19

OliveTheDog · 20/06/2022 21:30

That is just the tip of the iceberg with regard to his behaviour. So, yes, frightening

Show quote history

Report him then. He sounds horrendous and should not be in the Police.

WeAreBob · 20/06/2022 22:19

HollowTalk · 20/06/2022 22:15

What would be best is if the bank made the complaint to the police. Could you talk to the bank and ask them about this?

The bank wont. That's not in their remit.

11Hawkins · 20/06/2022 22:22

Report him. That's a death threat.

LongPath · 20/06/2022 22:22

WeAreBob · 20/06/2022 22:19

The bank wont. That's not in their remit.

Show quote history

I know the bank will try to tell you it's not their problem, but how can it not be? They're sending regular correspondence to OP that contains death threats and abuse.

FleurdeLisa · 20/06/2022 22:38

‘I Hope you both die’ is threatening behaviour and thus under Section 4 of the Public Order Act 1986

whyohehy · 20/06/2022 22:38

Oh. My. God.

What have I read.....what an awful awful human

WeAreBob · 20/06/2022 22:40

LongPath · 20/06/2022 22:22

I know the bank will try to tell you it's not their problem, but how can it not be? They're sending regular correspondence to OP that contains death threats and abuse.

Show quote history

Which is why it is a police matter. Nor a bank matter.
They cant stood someone writing a reference. They cant stop payments from his account because then no CMS. They don't monitor references and it really has nothing to do with them.

If you went to the bank to complain they would tell you that it may he a police matter so you should report to the police. The bank arent going to do it for you.

Crazyhousewife · 20/06/2022 22:43

Literally have this problem every month with my daughters dad posting stuff on the reference. Report it to the police. I was told by the police to always report it in case it goes to court then there’s a constant record of the abuse. I even asked cms to change it over to deductions of earnings because of the domestic abuse and the fact that this is the only way he can contact me to send abuse as I’ve blocked him and moved away.

Crazyhousewife · 20/06/2022 22:45

Also just to add my daughters dad is nhs: public sector sucks for pricks like this. With him being a police officer he is probably thinking you won’t report him or they will shrug it off but the boys in blue aren’t sticking together anymore because they are all facing the consequences at the minute. So he may just face his boss for this one.