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Original poster

Children and swearing

38 replies

xmasaries · 19/06/2022 19:34

I'd love to know what the protocol in your household is regarding swearing to do with all ages.

Ban it completely and discipline? Allow your kids to know what they are/hear them but explain why they're not appropriate? Let them?

No judgement from me. It's one of those parenting decisions that I never know what my true standpoint is on it and what is just societal/generational habits in my thought processes!

OP posts:
Mumnetter111 · 19/06/2022 19:37

Think it depends on the parents. If they swear then I think it’s unfair to expect the kids not too. I was brought up you can swear around family but not when guests are over or outside the house. I think that was a good rule. It never made me feel the need to rebel then.

Greensleeves · 19/06/2022 19:39

We tended to take a pragmatic approach. We thought it important that they learn when swearing is socially unacceptable - so on the bus, for example, we would come down like a ton of bricks and explain that other travellers don't want to hear that language. At home, over a stubbed toe or whatever, we would turn a blind eye/ear. We both swear as well, not constantly or around people who might be offended, but our children obviously heard us at home. We didn't stand on ceremony around them or try to create a falsely perfect environment. They're young adults now and relatively well-adjusted, polite and respectful - but they swear at home, as do we.

Remembertotakeabreak · 19/06/2022 19:40

Lalochezia is allowed in my house. DS is old enough to understand that we don’t use swear words in anger at each other or in social situations, and that other people frown on it so it’s respectful to them not to use words around them (eg easily offended grandparents and school). But if he stubs his toe at home or he’s feeling really upset he can say what he wants. He lost his dad at an early age so TBH we both understand the value of having language to express the anger about the shitty things that can happen in life.

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Families
Mummy172113 · 19/06/2022 19:42

Mine know what swearing is - it's just too common nowadays avoid it at all isn't it 🤣 I've slipped up (moreso when driving) so the kids know they're unkind words and just tend tell me off for it now. We have spoken about them being rude words and understand that a slip up is a slip up but if they say it deliberately then we have consequences - never had an issue yet but there's still time!

iklboo · 19/06/2022 19:45

DS is nearly 17 now. Everything but fuck, twat & cunt allowed but only with us and never in anger.

Ponderingwindow · 19/06/2022 19:47

we explained early on that words that count as swears are a social convention that must be followed in certain situations, but that the whole thing is a bit ridiculous. We have never regulated language outside of those social situations. We don’t as a rule swear much ourselves so it doesn’t come up often. my child does pepper in the occasional mild word at about the same level that we do. She understands when to choose her words more carefully so we don’t pay any attention to it.

Thelnebriati · 19/06/2022 19:47

We did something similar. I made a rule that 'you can use any word, as long as you understand what it means, and you can ask me what any word means and I'll just tell you without judgement'. I also asked them to take context into consideration; e.g. Gran will have an opinion about swearing, but hitting thumb with hammer = no judgement from me.

We had several toe curling conversations about what words meant and muddled through. I think it took the taboo out of swearing. They don't swear much at all as adults.
Looking back we did very little discipline which makes me sound like a lax parent, and I'm really not; but I had the luxury of easy kids.

Original poster
xmasaries · 19/06/2022 19:47

Definitely opened my eyes a bit more!

I feel like I've parented in a way that I've tried not to even let DS hear any swear words and freak out the thought of him being taught them by peers or using them! When I actually think about it and my values, I feel like I've been overkill & just parented the way I've thought I should be doing.

It's nice to hear other people's perspectives on it!

OP posts:
BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 19/06/2022 19:54

Me and DP are both sweary, and we're pretty relaxed about the DC swearing at home - like PPs have said, as long as they know it's not appropriate in polite conversation or at school or with older relatives, it helps to take the rebellious aspect out of it.

ColmanFlamingo · 19/06/2022 19:56

I must be in the minority here then, I've never used a swear word in front of my kids... to me it just seems so yucky to hear children swear. But I work in education to I can switch it off easily.
Teen DC has thrown the odd swear word into conversation but I've asked her not to and that's it really.
Meanwhile me and DH will pepper some of our conversations with swear words away from the kids. I think I just want them to be polite. I only ever heard my parents swear once.
Grown up DC will swear when chatting with friends but not it front of me and vice versa... it would be too weird now. Like I'd never swear in front of my old Mum.
We're all different aren't we.

FridayiminlovewithRobertSmith · 19/06/2022 19:56

I don’t swear around DC and if I’m honest I don’t really like hearing children swear at all. It’s like anything else it will change as they get older - I’m pretty relaxed.

trilbydoll · 19/06/2022 19:57

I am sweary and the kids tell me off. They're only 7 and 9, I don't tell them off but I do say no come on you know we shouldn't say that and make sure you never say that at school / in front of grandma. They're young enough that they accept I can say stuff they can't - not 100% sure how my approach will evolve as they get older.

Kately · 19/06/2022 19:57

I'm pretty relaxed about swearing

My kids know that they can swear (within reason) at home but they need to be mindful of their surroundings when not at home. Eg my parents hate swearing (I still don't swear in front of them) so my kids don't swear when they are around.

FridayiminlovewithRobertSmith · 19/06/2022 19:57

@ColmanFlamingo snap!

PashunFroot · 19/06/2022 19:58

My 7 year old regularly bollocks me for swearing.

Thelnebriati · 19/06/2022 19:59

Every single swear word they asked me about was heard at school and most of them from one child. Just thank your lucky stars you aren't their parent Grin

Stompythedinosaur · 19/06/2022 20:15

My dc (age 11 and 9) know what plenty of swear words are, but I would intervene if they were using them casually as I don't want this to become a habit. Equally I don't what them to become some exciting mystery.

hammsalllad · 19/06/2022 20:18

I'm relaxed about it at home as long as it isn't in anger and not directed at anybody.

My 4 year old regularly announces "I farted" and has somehow picked up 'bloody hell" but nothing worse so far.

My 9 year old will giggle and pull us up if we swear or if she sees it written anywhere /tv.

I swear a hell of a lot but not at people or in anger, more frustration at a situation or to myself, so if I do it it's hard to stop the kids repeating the odd phrase, but it's rare. They never do it out of the house.

jossysgiant · 19/06/2022 20:29

We're pretty relaxed, the youngest have grown up with adult siblings so they were never going to not hear swears.

I won't tolerate swearing at people or use of the word cunt in front of the smaller ones- can't see the issue with twat though @iklboo it tends to be a term of endearment here 😂

All know not to swear at school/ at friends: in front of grandparents etc and... they know that some are offended by blasphemy- when I was small, crikey, blimey, oh my god or bloody hell were worse than fuck 😂 and to date I've never been hauled into school (apart from one misuse of the 'naughty finger' 😂)

Pieceofpurplesky · 19/06/2022 20:34

To be fair once they hit school they'll hear them all. It's about teaching appropriate language for situations - I am constantly telling the kids I teach that use of foul language is not appropriate for school.

DS is 18 now but had a love of all things Waterloo when younger and I let him watch Sharpe. Bastard was a favourite swear word for quite a while (but only in the right company)

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 19/06/2022 20:40

hammsalllad · 19/06/2022 20:18

I'm relaxed about it at home as long as it isn't in anger and not directed at anybody.

My 4 year old regularly announces "I farted" and has somehow picked up 'bloody hell" but nothing worse so far.

My 9 year old will giggle and pull us up if we swear or if she sees it written anywhere /tv.

I swear a hell of a lot but not at people or in anger, more frustration at a situation or to myself, so if I do it it's hard to stop the kids repeating the odd phrase, but it's rare. They never do it out of the house.

Farted isn't remotely swearing here. It's said in kids TV programmes!

hammsalllad · 19/06/2022 20:45

Farted isn't remotely swearing here. It's said in kids TV programmes!

It isn't swearing to me but some people some people react like he's said c**t 😀

worriedatthistime · 19/06/2022 20:52

We both swear as kids ours did not ever as older teens they do swear a lot more especially at home , but not in a restaurant say , they use their common sense

daffodilandtulip · 19/06/2022 20:52

I say things like fucks sake, but not nasty/derogatory words like bitch etc. So about things happening rather than about people I guess.
DD never swears, never even a ffs in texts, her friends often comment on it!
DS often has to be told about the use of swearing in anger.
So I'm not sure that how you act has much of an effect, given how different my two swear.

lugeforlife · 19/06/2022 20:53

Both me and dh are very sweary BUT I was never really allowed to swear in front of my parents, especially my mum so am very adept at turning it in and off (dh learned to do this too). We therefore didn't swear in front of the kids for ages.

We had no slip ups until year 6 probably. There then seemed to be a spate of bad words picked up and at the end of year 7 there isn't much they haven't heard therefore we are quite relaxed about swearing in films and the odd word slips out from us a bit more frequently.

One of their closest friends had a dad who doesn't mind any swearing and by all accounts she swears like a docker. So our test at home is 'does it pass the Ava test' meaning they hear it frequently at school so no point worrying too much.

But we still don't expect them to swear (we'll excuse the odd slip up).