I'm crap at life / adulting..

[UnorganisedMum3]

Remembering appointments, life admin, paying bills (the bills are always paid but always left until the last minute)

The weekly food shop: I recently switched to online shopping as opposed to going in person which made things easier except I keep forgetting to actually do it in good time so never get a slot for when I need one.

Forms that need to be filled in sit hidden behind the toaster and often forgotten about. I've been meaning to apply for DS DLA for the past 18 months (I finally got that done last week - yay!)

Washing: doesn't get put away until I run out of particular clothes or have a completely free day with nothing else to do. I sometimes have 4 bags of clean washing just sat there for up to a week waiting to be put away.

Once in a blue moon I go completely the other way and have a 24-48 hour period where I'm super productive and get everything done.

Appointments: fill me with dread. If i have something coming up, for example a doctors appointment, i feel like i need atleast two days to mentally prepare for it. My time management is crap so i always arrive about an hour early (in fear of being late) and have to find something to do in the interim.

If I have two things to do in one particular day (say two appointments) I feel totally stretched and overwhelmed.

I seriously lack in my executive function. I'm a carer for my disabled son and all his needs are met as required but that's literally it. Everything else falls by the way side.

Responding to text messages/emails/voicemails.. nope. I'm the absolute worst at keeping in touch with people. I forget to reply and next thing you know a week has gone by.

I could give so many more examples but I think I've covered the main bits.

Can anybody relate?

You are not alone OP, I find this really hard too. I have about 50000 emails in my inbox, if that makes you feel any better....

It does, thank you!

I'm 28 but in many ways I still feel like a teenager with no valuable life experience where it matters 😶

I wasn't taught or shown any important life skills and I've been winging it since I was out on my own at 16. You'd think that would make me fiercely independent and productive but nope.

Just recently I've been pondering about ADHD...

I was going to suggest ADHD

I'm reading this and what I'm reading is the life of a really busy person. The bills are paid, food is on the table and your home doesn't have a rat infestation. What else do you need to achieve?

I'm glad you were, as I have a really strong feeling that I have it. I was going to leave that out of my posts but wanted to give full disclosure incase some vipers came along and called me a lazy bastard 😂

A little more organisation would be lovely, to be able to make plans and stick to them, to get things other than the bare minimum done really 🙈

OP, I have ADHD and all this is very familiar to me. I've learned, over the years, a few ways to navigate life and am now working with children and adults who also have executive functioning issues.
I trained through Connections in Mind, whose website has lots of information available to the general public.

If she's anything like me and the people I work with, FriedTomatoe, the OP would probably like to achieve a sense of peace and the loss of that feeling of dread and overwhelm!

But you're absolutely right to point out all the things she is already achieving.

Yes I can relate! I sometimes wonder if I have AHDH but when I've read up about it, it doesn't seem to fit.

I could have posted this myself.

I've often wondered if I have ADHD.

Well in terms of keeping on top of things I would suggest 2 MN favourites.

A bullet journal and the organised mum method. Tomm in particular is good at breaking household jobs into more manageable chunks. A bullet journal will help you prioritise tasks and plan.

I suspect I have autism and I relate to some of what you said in your op. You need to not worry about what others do, but figure out a system that works for you.

Ive become addicted to online food shopping and its my first weekend job on friday night. Then I can have it delivered sunday ready for when we wake up.

My sister got an organisation coach and got a lot out of it. Can you throw money at the problem?

That's brilliant, thank you for the pointer. I'll have a look at the website in a mo.

Was it a lengthy process getting a diagnosis? My DS was on the autism pathway for just over two years before his dx. I've now raised concerns that he has ADHD too but we have to wait another two years for that assessment as he's only 4.

Thank you for the tips! A journal would be great, I would need to force myself not to forget to use it though 😄

I might get one tomorrow.

I haven't heard of the organised mum method but I'll look that up too.

I don't have too much spare money at the minute unfortunately.

Yes terrible executive function here, always losing things, no hope of remembering anything if I don't write it down, asd, dyslexia and dyspraxia in the family though which probably explains it.

I think you need to cut yourself a bit of slack.

caring for a disabled child is bloody hard work and the emotional/ mental load is exhausting …. I can understand if bills aren’t being paid and you are incurring extra charges but even so. The washing can wait surely because I would imagine your focus is on your child and not delicately fluffing and folding socks into perfect shapes.

it sounds to me like you understandably need more support and a network of support. Have you friends or family that could just help out maybe once a week for a couple of hours? I don’t know enough re a diagnosis but sounds to me like you are pushed for time, pushed for organisation and could do with stepping back and being proud of what you do achieve every single day because it will be a whole lot more than you give yourself credit for.

please take care and I hope you find some solutions 💐💐

Do you not have a wall calendar somewhere at home? I write EVERYTHING on my wall calendar and then work from there as it prompts me.

I have dyslexia and poor executive functioning.
I like direct debits and automatic payments for as many bills as possible.
I have a set place and holder for important paperwork and over time I've got better at keeping stuff in there.

I think some online shopping allows for recurring delivery slots so you could set up to get the basics routinely delivered.

I do use TOMM, sometimes and it works when I do. I can't manage consistency though.

It is just hard sometimes though and you have big caring responsibilities.

You sound like me!

Getting assessed for ADHD and Autism ❤️

I have a little box on my phone calendar which sits at the top of the screen until I dismiss it. So, for example, Wednesday is 'order school meals'- I don't close down the box on my phone until I've done it. This repeats automatically.

Everything is written on the calendar and every morning, I run through where we/I have to be.

Ocado have an automatic order function and you can choose what you have. So each week, it adds the milk, butter, bread, etc, etc- all the stuff that you always have. I then log on and add the extra bits. It also has a function where you can change the frequency- for example, it adds bleach once a month, and toilet paper 2 weekly. You can sit down and work all of this out. It's a faff but it has saved me loads of time.

You can also set it to book the same slot each week. Before I changed work, it would automatically book me the 9.30am slot on a Tuesday morning. This meant that everyone in the house knew that if they needed anything, they needed to tell me by Monday.

I think finding the tiny things that work for you can help.

I can very much relate to this. However I don’t think I have ADHD, I’m just knackered. I have two ND teenagers and a full time job. Things happen in order of urgency which means a lot gets left until I have the time and inclination, which is never.
Im about to take on a cleaner to try and ease the load a bit, but other than that, I think adulting is just relentless.

Sounds very much like me and I do not have ADHD, I simply leave life's admin until the last minute...if anything can be done tomorrow or next week I will leave it.
At the weekends I get up and plan to do A,B and C, then I have a cuppa, browse the net and the morning has gone along with all my good intentions.
In my work life I have to be the exact opposite, so no idea why I am like this in my home life.

So I was diagnosed with adhd as a young teen and unmediated the bills are not paid, the food isn't on the table etc. You really need to be at the point where two aspects of your life are completely not functioning to get a diagnosis i.e relationships or work or home or finances.

Not saying this isn't you OP, but I see it suggested a lot on MN when the reality is most people can't keep stuff in there heads and need to use a planner etc (which is medicated me - I need to set reminders about stuff it's just the medication gets me to a point where I CAN actually do that).

Stuff like turning up an hour early for an appointment is unlikely something an ADHD person would do. If I know that on a good day with 0 traffic and green lights the whole way it'll take me 20 mins, I will leave at 20 mins on the dot and not a minute earlier (and therefore probably be late!).

OP, as soon as I read your post, I thought ADHD. My 17 year old daughter was diagnosed at 14. Everything you have said is exactly how she functions. I help her a LOT. She is now medicated and this does help. I would look at the criteria for a diagnosis and see which ones you think you meet. You can Google this. My daughter ticked every box.

Ahh solidarity ladies, thank you.

Theres alot more than what i mentioned in my OP that makes me wonder. I have a short fuse and get overwhelmed super easily, I also cannot stand loud noise or when two people are talking at once, the TV is loud etc. I struggled to concentrate in school and that manifested itself as me playing up, bunking off, avoiding school all together. I was referred to CAHMS at one point but nothing came of it as I didn't engage.

I looked into autism when DS was diagnosed but I definitely don't fit the criteria for that.

I would love a support worker to cajole me into getting things done, alas all I have is me 😄

There's some good tips here which I'll definitely take on board.

A private diagnosis through psychiatry UK costs around £300 If I'm remembering correctly. I couldn't afford it at the minute though.

Came here to suggest ADHD (I have a house full of those). Normal tips for normal brains do not work (like use a caldendar, make a to do list ), but there are coping strategies aimed at our kind of brain which make life easier (not easy).