Getting the smallest bedroom

[goingback]

3-bed house has two large bedrooms and a smaller one, teen DS has the biggest, we have the other and soon-to-be teen DS has the small one. DS has a loft bed in the room with a desk underneath, and a chest of drawers with a tv + games console on top. The bedroom has a cupboard over stairs. DP has suggested that we switch rooms with DS as he is already as tall as we are and will need more space.
DP's argument is that we are only in the room getting ready or sleeping so the sensible thing to do is swap. I really don't want to move to a smaller room and DS will just have to cope.
Room size is 3m x 2.5m with the cupboard 1m x 1.2m.

Would you swap?

No way would I swap - two adults (and the bill payers) should not be in the smallest room.

either get your kids to swap, or leave well alone.

your husband sounds like a martyr, and they are hard to live with. But that doesn’t mean he gets to decide that you are a martyr too.

There are two of you and you have more clothing to store. I wouldn't swap.

What are you most worried about - that the current room genuinely isn't big enough for growing DS, or the fact that is feels unfair that his older brother has a much bigger room?

If it's the latter (which is what would bother me) I would suggest that the brothers swap rooms every year, especially if they are close in age. It does seem unfair that the eldest child always seems get get given the biggest room.

I swapped with my DD when she hit teens as she used her room as a bed/sitting room, had friends visiting, sleeping over etc.
My thought process was I go to bed to sleep but DD kinda lived in hers so it made more sense for her to have the big room.
Tbh it was a bit of a squeeze with my king size bed in a smaller room but now she's moved out put I've moved back into the big room, bliss.
I'd swap if I were you and when ds goes to uni or whatever and is not there all the time swap back

I use this logic.

There are two of you in the same bedroom, so you should have the biggest room. That's always been our vague rule even with guests.

More people need a bigger room.

If you were a single parent, I'd swap.

Well if you don’t want to then you shouldn’t.
Absolutely no way would I let either of my dc have the biggest bedroom when I’m paying the mortgage.
Can’t believe how many slave parents there are on MN!

Agree with PPs that it depends who uses their room more. If your DS is in his room all the time i.e. it isn't just a bedroom, it's also a living room and study, then it makes more sense for him to have the large room. If all you and your DP do is sleep and get dressed in yours, I can't really follow why you don't want to give it up.

Can you say how old teen DS is , so we know how long whatever arrangement is made is likely to be for ? 13 is a bit different from 17.

Not a chance, as the adult paying the bills/rent/mortgage, no way am I moving to the smaller room. It just stinks of ‘giving kids everything they want’.

I had the box room for 6 years until I was about 13 or so (we had an extension so I got a new room). If I'd been in there from 7 to 17 when big brother had a nice big room I'd have been annoyed!

As it was I had a curtain not a door because there wasn't enough room to even open a door with my bed in there and I had toys on the landing. My brother had such a big room he even had a small dining table in there.

We were lucky we could build an extension, because my parents would never have fit in my room. They turned it into a shower room when I moved into the extension!

I would switch your children's rooms over so it's fair for your youngest child. No reason why two adults should have to share, unless the room is big enough for a double and all your clothes. But please don't just let your youngest child be in a much smaller room just because they're younger. Perhaps every two years there could be a swap? Or some other way to make it more fair? It sucks being younger sometimes!

@goingback If your attitude is adults should have the biggest room why is Ds1 priority and having the biggest room?

Can the larger room be split if that would give more space?

IMO it seems disproportionate that eldest gets the largest room in the family home and the youngest the absolute smallest! There, imo needs to be greater parity.

Ask your DS what he thinks. I always preferred smaller rooms myself.

We have exactly this, DH & I have a room with a bed and a chest of drawers, our wardrobes are all in dh's office which works as a dressing room too. However I don't hang out in my bedroom. My teen dd's do so it makes sense for them to have more space.

Why aren’t the 2 adults in the biggest room?

The room size isn’t that bad, he can cope with it until older DS moves out/ goes to uni.

At that point do a swap- you and DH to biggest room , younger DS to middle room, uni teen to smallest.

No way! Ever heard of RHIP? 🙂

DH & I are top of the chain in this house & that's how it is.

Mine didn't ask. It just seems logical. They play in theirs, have friends over, have sleep overs, do homework etc. I have the entire rest of the house. It's not a hill I could be bothered to die on, regardless of who's paying the bills. (Do you use that logic for everything by the end way? Choosing where to sit/who gets the bigger piece of cake etc? Seems odd).

Definitely not, and i would always be in the biggest room, i think your set up is unfair that 1 child is in biggest and other is in smallest, but i would never move into smallest room, its my bloody house i pay for 😂

I agree with your DP. Adults only sleep/dress in their bedrooms but teens also need study space for their school work and revision. The bedroom above is too small for that. So I would actually swap. We have similar now in that our 18yo doing her A levels is in the master bedroom.

I wouldn’t do the zone thing and require one DS has to let the other DS in his room to play games because that means the DS whose room it is would have to put up with his brother playing video games right next to him while he is trying to study or sleep.

Why isn't your 6 ft plus son not changing the sheets on his own bed ?

That’s a decent size double by new build standards! I grew up in the box room, it was 2m by 1.8m.

Definitely not, there are two of you with two people's worth of stuff. I had a box room all through my teens, there's nothing wrong with it.

Has your son said he’s unhappy with the small room? I was the older sibling but always had the smallest bedroom and it really didn’t bother me - it was cosy, comfortable and all mine. I wouldn’t worry about moving him unless there’s a particular reason to. And then I definitely wouldn’t be cramming two adults into the smallest room. That’s just daft.

That's not even that small a room. My 18 year old copes in a room smaller than that, and we have two children sharing a room that's 6ftx8ft. Your child will be fine.

I know someone who did this but only because they had five kids so three (boys) shared, and girls shared second biggest. Tiny house and the kids stayed til early 20s!