How do you personally deal with your life’s stresses?

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I know we all have our own stresses which we have to endure but I wonder how you all deal with them without going loopy?

Like everyone else I’ve had my fair share of stressful situations but I just don’t seem to handle them well. I have always been someone who suffers from anxiety but despite trying various coping strategies from having CBT and counselling, hypnotherapy, mindfulness, exercise etc, I still very much struggle. I have awful IBS which is constant and goes in overdrive when I am stressed, I am constantly holding these life stresses in my muscles and am tenses all over. I am ratty natured and angry all the time.

We have had lots of anxious and depressing times over the last 10 years and as each one is thrown at us my capability to deal with them is getting weaker and weaker.
We lost our 4 year old niece to a brain tumour 10 years ago, 18 months ago my MIL passed away from cancer, 4 years ago my mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and I help care for her which is so exhausting. On top of that I have had 6 years of school refusal with ds, he has anxiety too and I have to be strong for him but feel like crumbling into a heap sometimes.

2 years ago my beloved dog had an op to remove a cancerous lump from his back. Last year I found another lump in his abdomen and he had an emergency op to remove his spleen, which was full of cancer, the vet gave him a few weeks to a couple of months, he is still here and has defied the vets grave prognosis but last night we found another large lump in his abdomen and I am taking him to the vets this morning.

It just feels like yet another chunk of life stress thrown our way.

I feel like crumbling yet am fully aware these are every day stresses that most people experience throughout their lives.

How do you/have you coped to get yourself through the shit times in life? What’s you secret to a successful way to get through it all?

Consistent good sleep I have found to be very helpful. More recently working from home most of the week and not having a set time to be ready to leave the house as a result has been helpful too.

Oh OP you have not just endured every day stresses. These are major life events that are going to affect you. I am sorry about your niece and MIL. You are caring for your Mum, dealing with your DS and now your beloved dog? Please recognise these are not every day stresses. These are bloody hard and I hope you have a good support network around you. You have every right to feel like you care crumbling.

To answer your question, I am a pray-er, so I find it helpful to pray and let things go. I also rant to a friend, go shopping and buy too much stationery, and go for big walks and stomp it out until I feel better.

Use this thread if you want to rant.

balalake If I don’t sleep well I am useless for days. My job is quite stressful, I would love to work from home.

Bless you, thank you. I used to pray loads, every day but just stopped after dn passed. I am lucky that I have a good friend and do moan to her (a bit too often though lol!)

I try very much to live in the “now” - I mean in the sense that I give myself little things to enjoy, a cup of tea, some chocolate, a walk, looking at flowers etc.

I’ve had a really stressful life - abused as a child, alcoholic schizophrenic mum, I was badly bullied as a teen to the point I had psychiatric treatment and changed schools, my son is severely disabled; my husband has bipolar and I have multiple disabilities myself now. Most days are full of stress and it’s very hard to detach myself but I do try because ultimately sometimes there is nothing you can do about these things so I look for the little things and take comfort in those.

i think life has also shown me that anxiety is mostly pointless. It’s the things you don’t anticipate that come out of nowhere and smack you in the face. If you’re anxious about something essentially you’re just going through it twice- once with the worry and once with the actual event if it happens.

My mum died of bowel cancer in 2019 and it was quite a relief in many ways as we had such a difficult relationship but the whole thing was very traumatic as I am her only child and a lot of the care etc fell to me. I think I even have some ptsd from that now but it’s made me realise how fleeting life is.

They say that depression is living in the past, anxiety is living in the future and the only way to be truly content is to live in the moment.

I was going to say exactly this - please don't diminish these things as everyday, they're not. Many people never ever experience a child death in their family, for example. I am so sorry you've been through such a lot. I have some experience of caring for a relative with dementia (although only in a 'additional support' capacity rather than being the main relative carrying that burden IYSWIM - and the period of time was only around six months), and a little experience of school refusal: that's a really hard combination especially over such a long period.

I also pray, which may not be your thing. I do find a good cry to be a helpful release, and sometimes struggle to get the need to cry and the available time alone to cry to align (and therefore had a muted but still quite restorative little cry in the toilet at work yesterday!) but it does wash me out in a useful way. Shouting into the waves on the beach. Exercise (of a sort you can enjoy, rather than becoming another demand you make of yourself). Sleep makes a lot of difference, but often feels outside of my control and therefore not a very helpful strategy - YMMV. Playing an instrument. Eating food which is easy and healthy.

I hope you find something which helps you get through. Sending love.

When you feel like you are in the rock bottom the only way is the way up. Think that it can only get better from where you are. Try to focus on small good things rather than big bad ones. See positive side of your life, focus on what you have. See your self as a warrior in a battle who will win no matter what. Believe in inner strength of yours. Tell yourself you will get through it.
I can recommend a book of Paulo Coelho called 'The worrior of the Light'. This book is made up of short but really powerful quotes. It has been my guide through difficult times.
Try to find little pleasures that would make you feel more relaxed. Make sure you get some time for yourself.
Take regular walks outside. Look up when you are walking, take a deep breaths of fresh air. It will help to clear your head.
Things will improve soon x

Food and alcohol - not to be recommended but a factual answer

Well you are going through a lot - so you aren’t going to be sailing. Sorry it’s been so tough,

Sleep, being strict about time off, exercise, spending time with people - all the usual are what I find works. In practice it’s hard to do.

I know you’ve said you’ve done all these therapies, but did you actually put the useful stuff into practice. I only ask because a lot of people don’t - it’s really hard to manage stress because you have to stand up to it.

I have complex PTSD and did have terrible anxiety and panic attacks. My mental health problems stem from childhood abuse, domestic violence and deaths of people that mattered to me. I have a very hectic job in the NHS.
Firstly I get counselling whenever I need it, secondly I take my medication religiously. Medication is the most important thing for me as it completely controls my anxiety and panic attacks and I don't get them any more.
Its important to have a healthy body and take exercise everyday whether its a walk, the gym, swimming or whatever.
If you feel slim and are not burdened by excess weight nor too thin you will feel much better.
Proper food is essential, don't eat rubbish.
I meditate daily and have hobbies that are so absorbing my mind is destressed straight away, I make small scale miniatures and I'm learning bookbinding.
I'm pagan so I make sure I get together with the others to celebrate the festivals once a month, summer solstice is coming up so I'll be seeing everyone for that.
Unfortunately I am unable to have relationships with men as I just cannot cope with living with other people so I compensate by spending time with friends.
You can overcome your problems but you will need help. It took me a while to find the right medication.
I also moved to the country and changed jobs as I was not happy where I was.
I have cats too - they are great for stress.
Anything can be overcome, it just needs work.

Humour.
Dark and wildly inappropriate jokes.
That's what gets me through.

And I'm teetotal, alcohol makes all problems so much worse, vegetarian too - I want a non violent life.

As others have said op these are not every day stresses. Please don't minimise the struggles that you have endured.

Do you have a good support network around you?

Psychotherapy, meditation, learning to rest and learning to grieve have got me through some incredibly difficult times.

Look up the PTSD cup - not saying you have PTSD, but it’s a good picture to explain how stress can accumulate. It sounds like you’re in a place where cumulative stress is overwhelming you which is completely understandable. Yes, all of those events are things everyone deals with throughout life, but when you’ve had a lot in a short space of time it’s understandable that you feel like you’re crumbling.

Rest and learning how to rest well is really important. Not just getting a decent amount and quality of sleep, but learning how to rest your mind moment to moment. In amongst all the shitty things happening, there are likely many more easier, calmer, happier moments that you can rest in but letting yourself flex between moments and enjoy each moment for what it brings is a skill. I know you said you’ve tried mindfulness - did you put consistent practice in place? Things I’ve found useful are Eckhart Tolle’s talks about learning to be in the present moment (YouTube) and also Headspace - noticing when your thoughts are busy or wandering or catastrophising etc and learning to note it and bring yourself back to a calm, centred space and to note the tension in your body so you can release it. Headspace have free stuff on YouTube about the blue sky always being there above the clouds, and the ‘noting’ technique. They also have a great series on Netflix including episodes on pain and stress.

If CBT style counselling hasn’t helped, could you try something that deeper like psychotherapy? It might be that you have some deeper trauma/blocks that need to be addressed so you can grieve well and adapt to your grief rather than being weighed down by it.

I'm with the people saying those aren't everyday stresses. The more stresses you have the more it will pile up on your and your body and brain goes into permanent stress mode (look up lizard brain or survival brain kidshelpline.com.au/teens/issues/your-brain-when-youre-anxious)

If you haven't been to your GP I would recommend it. My husband had a low dose antidepressant when he got like this and it helped.

Ask other people how you seem - people are bad at telling others when they seem stressed. But people saying ' you don't seem yourself' is usually a good giveaway.

Make sure you are getting enough help with your Mum, it's often hard to admit that we can't do all the caring for a loved one. I found that debilitating and we had to eventually admit that a care home was the safest best option.

Just that stress on its own nearly floored me - so I'm amazed at what you are going through. You have to be able to take care of yourself too.

My dd (19) has General Anxiety Disorder but we have recently realised that she most likely has Attention Deficit Disorder and the anxiety is as a consequence of this (50% of those with ADD/ ADHD have anxiety). She is waiting for a NHS referral for formal diagnosis (I know she has ADD) but I am pondering private referral. We identified possible ADD - no health care professional did (despite seeing GP / psychologist etc for anxiety) - which is fairly typical in girls and women. The reason I raise this is do you have racing thoughts? Does your mind go at a thousands miles per hour? Its a long shot but could you have ADD? There is a simple test on the ADHD uk website which isn't definitive but is indicative adhduk.co.uk/

Take up gardening! Grow some edibles! Or plants and pots if you don't have space. Very chaotic life here. Works like I never imagined! Have even found a new friend in a cheeky bird (see name!)
Would never have thought gardening was for me!

I love this. 🥰 I have also started to find happiness in my garden, I feel most at peace when I'm pottering around between the flowers, shrubs and little herb garden etc. There's always something that needs pruning, tending to and nurturing.

Therapy and cats. And wine

'my' little bird!

Comfort eat unfortunately

Beautiful; hello little birdy! Thank you for sharing this pic 🥰 x

As someone who previously had the world’s worst coping mechanisms, the following things have helped me enormously:

• Exercise (preferably outdoors in nature!)
• As much sleep as I can get (tricky with small kids)
• Eat delicious but unprocessed food
• Quit drinking altogether (this is a a biggy for me!)
• Don’t sweat the small stuff (by this I mean - messy house, other people’s opinion of me, work stuff)

We’re not born with coping mechanisms. It’s something we have to learn and work hard on. But it makes a huuuge difference to mental health. Every one is different but I reckon sleep, exercise and not sweating the small stuff are things everyone would benefit from!

I'm a single mum, full time head of department, and had a cancer diagnosis last year.

Being sole carer for my DS and knowing his whole world relies on me got me through. If I hadn't had that thought in my head, I'd have crawled away into the dark and not come out.

Thankfully, I have a supportive boss and am clear so far, so I just keep looking forward. It's all I can do.

Sleep and exercise. 2 things that I feel are heavily underutilised.

When you don't get enough sleep, everything feels overwhelming. Go to bed at a decent hour, wake up refreshed and ready to take on the day.

Exercise daily. You don't have to go for a run every day or hit the gym. Just go for a walk, do a quick Youtube HIIT workout, just get some activity in. Eat good too.

I get anxiety from time to time, but it really starts to flare up when I'm sleep deprived and when I've been sitting around not doing any exercise.

When you nourish your body, it will greatly improve your mental health and put you in a much greater position to be able to tackle life's stresses.