Have you ever had a few awful years then life became amazing again?

[winegumwinney]

Sound like a daft question but have you ever gone through a dark, really miserable time that you thought you'd never recover from, then boom, suddenly all the bad stuff that happened started to make sense and life became really amazing again out of the blue ? Please tell me your happy endings?

Yep. My DD died from meningitis at the age of three. I struggled to have a relationship with my DP after losing her, it was a massive hole in our lives. My work then announced they were moving out of the city to a place that involved a 2 hour commute. Within the space of 2 months I went from being a mum, having an enviously happy relationship and flashy job in Paris to being single, jobless and living back with my parents in Luton. I found a new career and a new DP. Then I realised the new career made me miserable and thanks to my supportive DP, left it without a backwards glance. We're happily married and I have a job that although stressful at times, doesn't grind me down. My ex-DP (DD's dad) is also happily married to someone else, left his high stress investment banking job and gets to enjoy free time watching his 2 new DC growing up (not a luxury he has with our DD when he was in banking).

The awfulness of what some people go through is astounding. Yet, many such people tend to be the most kind, grateful & positive of the lot. I've found those 'lucky' ones that sail through life are not necessarily the better for it.

I wish you every happiness for the future, you bloody deserve it

I had a shocking 2 years. February 2020 my dad died, a few weeks later my relationship with my partner of 17 years ended then we went into lockdown. So I was grieving alone while solo parenting 4 children. I was then put on a support plan at work and spent 6 months fighting for my job.

However, another year on I'm financially independent, in love with my job again, dating a wonderful man and honestly happier than I have been for a decade. Don't let things grind you down there is light on the other side x

@chiffchaffchiff I am so sorry for your loss. May your daughter's memory be a blessing.

@Knowbodysphool thank you.

Thank you! I do think that a different less difficult pathway would not have led me to where I am now. So yes, I did have to walk through a pretty dark, horrible place to reach the lovely place I’m in now, I think that’s often the way. Wish you all the best - life can go from awful to good in a short space of time.

We’ve had more than a decade’s worth of grief and sadness crammed into the last 3 months, I really hope there are brighter days ahead, it’s the only thing keeping me going right now……
Thank you and thoughts to those who have shared their stories ❤️

@chiffchaffchiff So very sorry for your loss.

it wasn’t sudden and ‘boom’ but over the last 2.5 years I’ve gone from living in a nightmare relationship with a covert narc exh, thinking I was losing my sanity and terrified for the DCs (I thought I would lose them to him), to living in my own peaceful and calm house, with DCs who are flourishing (DS’ anxiety has completely gone).

itKs been a long hard road and I’m not there yet but infinitely better.

like pp says, really dark times make you so appreciative of now.

good luck op x

Marking. My annus horribilis has lasted several years now. Was just beginning to get back on my feet and then the pandemic came and sent everything flying again. I really need to believe that things will be right again but it is not in my hands.

I had a bit of an annus horribilis a few years ago. My mum went off her head with dementia and had to move into a care home, my beloved FIL died horribly from cancer, DH also got cancer (now recovered), I developed a serious medical condition that caused a lot of pain (thankfully cured by surgery), all while my first child was a baby. We had no family or other help and I got really bad PND.

We got through it, and barring a few bumps, things are going well now. Just kept buggering on, like Churchill said.

Absolutely yes, but you can't rush it. If you're just coming out of a bad time don't think life will be amazing again next week.

so sorry to hear about your loss @chiffchaffchiff and previous posters also.

My sister is also going through a very hard time now, one of her DC is seriously ill and she lives in another country so I can;t support her.

I often feel that good people who never hurt anyone and deserve better seem to suffer a lot while war criminals rest easy and go unscathed!

So 3 miscarriages, 3 rounds of failed ivf, FIL died of cancer, stillborn son, DS1
born. Mum got cancer, dad died of cancer. Over 5 years.

That
Was 10 years ago. Now got 2 DC, pandemic was a walk in the park.

Good lord @declutteringmymind you deserve to have nothing happen to you for another decade.

Have a read of Wintering by Katherine May. It talks of times in your life when things are hard and you have to ‘winter’ to get through it. But Spring always follows Winter…

I had a horrid time in my early twenties which I won’t go into as outing.
Then in my mid twenties had a rough year with a relationship breakdown, lost 2 jobs in a short period of time, lots of upheaval/moving around

Im early 30s now, lovely partner, lovely job and colleagues and mortgage free. It all worked out nicely

Yes 2017 I was raped by my ex who then went on to stalk me for the next 2 years anytime he wasn't in prison and breach the restraining order 16 times! I barely left the house as a result and even changed my youngest school. I spent 7 months in a refuge. Just before Covid hit I had therapy for ptsd and it worked thankfully. I was able to process what had happened and deal with it as opposed to being stuck in a nightmare. I started to get into fitness and that made a huge difference to my mental and physical health. I'm so much stronger mentally and no longer live my life in fear. I'm confident and happy being single and also 5 stone lighter. I still have another 5 stone to go but It's made such a difference I literally feel like a different person! I used to wish he'd killed me that night rather than live with the trauma of what happened but now I'm strong and enjoying freedom to be myself and stopped caring what others think too.

The resilience of the human spirit never ceases to amaze me, though I wish you hadn't had to be resilient @CockapooMum

Thank you @JanisMoplin my girls are my rock and I kept fighting for them.

Yes, definitely! Growing up so any bad things happened at once in my late teens/early twenties. Then things gradually picked up for many years and were really great. Then my husband ended up in a coma and survived, which, despite the ordeal, made me feel truly lucky for the first time in my life. Recently several bad things have come at once again and burst my bubble. But I think that I am more excepting of it as just part of life. Life is so very hard at times, and unfortunately those hard times can last for several years or more, before then reaching a good stretch again. It takes around 4 years or so to 'recover' from grief. However, most people may start to feel a bit better after around 3 months. It can be tough, but I would just encourage you to talk about whatever you're going through and hopefully find and connect with people who have been through similar. X

2018 was a year from hell for us. Lost a close family member in a quite traumatic way, my DD was in and out of hospital several times for surgeries, moved across the country, struggled with PND and anxiety. Horrendous. Slowly, life got back on track and we recovered. Things are much better and happier now.

When I write this out it sounds like a TV drama 🤦🏼‍♀️ but sadly summarises a few yrs of my life!

All started with a car crash involving a drunk driver, the shock of which triggered Bell’s palsy. Soon after this we put our house up for sale and ended up in the most stressful ridiculous chain that even the solicitor said was one of the most complex he’d seen. Sale did go through after 5m, but 6m into the renovation I suffered a really bad leg break requiring multiple surgeries. Just after the 3rd surgery my lovely Nan was diagnosed with cancer and passed away 2m after diagnosis. Then just after my nans funeral MIL was diagnosed with lung cancer, staging was good and only surgery required, but unbeknownst to us she had an undiagnosed heart problem and died a week after surgery after multiple cardiac arrests. We then became carers for FIL which has advanced Parkinson’s. A few months later husbands grandmother diagnosed with terminal bone cancer following a pelvis fracture. Was managing well, but a few months after diagnosis collapsed with abdo pain and diagnosed with an intestinal obstruction requiring major emergency surgery which she was unlikely to survive (she did!) All this happened in just over a 3yr period!!

Since then of course we’ve had the pandemic, had our beloved pet out to sleep and husbands grandmother has passed away a few months ago. We had DD1 in June last year and I’ve struggled with PND, so not exactly smooth sailing yet, but much less frequent traumatic events than the previous few years! I honestly kept thinking surely nothing else can go wrong..then it would! But in a much better place now, so yes it is possible for things to get better 💐

I am so so sorry for your loss. That is unimaginable xx

I guess at some point after the tears run out and you stop crying at traffic lights you have to have a bit of a word with yourself. You can choose to let it affect you or you can choose happiness. While all that crap was going on I learnt how much I was loved, my job was my anchor. Am I a better person because of it? Maybe. But to be honest I still wish none of it happened. But I have got over the self loathing enough to accept that these experiences are part of me and who I am, and I'm doing ok.