Urgent help - DS being threatened

[LotsOfNothing]

Posting in chat for traffic. Name changed for obvious reasons.

DS 15, at local comp. Decent school with a few bad eggs. He's had problems with a kid on and off, who is the younger brother of a boy who we know is caught up on gang culture. This kid has taken his lunch money a couple of times and tried to get DS to steal things for him etc but so far DS has managed to avoid getting involved.

Today this kid has told DS that if he doesn't give him £150 he will stab him. DS says this boy is a loose canon with something to prove so his threat is not to be completely disregarded. He told DS that if he paid up, that would be the end of it all.

Of course DS wants to pay but I think this will make him an easy (and lucrative) target and the demands will continue.

But obviously I want to keep him safe.

Talking to school is pointless. They can't keep DS safe outside of school and from what in understand regarding this boys family and acquaintances, the school would be completely out of their depth. Police involvement would instantly mark DS out as a grass to some very nasty people which is also a danger.

have worked with kids like this before so I understand the dangers and also, sadly, the ineffectiveness of police in this kind of situation.

DS is now crying and frightened and I am also worried. I don't care about the money and if I thought that would be the end of it, I'd give it to DS in a heartbeat, but I'm not sure it would be the end of it. I think there is a chance this boy would tell others where he got the money and DS would have more people trying it on.

I haven't told DH yet as he would definitely tell DS not to pay a penny and stand up toto this boy, but I am worried that this makes DS vulnerable and DS doesn't really get how this could escalate.

I want to punch the little shit and don't know what to do.

Any advice?

What are the chances the boy has a knife in school?? Sorry I know you are stressed but this is the stupidest thing you can do - let your child near someone who is threatening to stab him??

if we can prevent it from escalating any further, then we'll take that.

Yes you can - you contact the police immediately.

You do realise you yourself could get in trouble if you know about this and don't do anything about it ? It's a huge safeguarding red flag.

Good luck @LotsOfNothing it's really sad your DS has to deal with this nightmare.
I feel for you all, I hope you find a way out.
it's fucking awful this other kid can wield this much power, truly awful.

DS is not going to seek the boy out but they are on the same school and the boy will find an opportunity to ask for the money tomorrow.

DS confident that he wouldn't do anything at school and I am going to pick him up.

Is it really such a bad idea to say that he has no access to money? Genuine question.

Something similar (ish) happened to my son earlier this year. No threat of money involved, just a stabbing over some perceived insult. The only thing that worked was involving the school and the police.

My husband didn't back me up at all and told me that I'd made our family a target by reporting it to the police, but I thought that was bullshit. I guess the main difference is that he is a year or two younger than your son and thankfully not quite so fully immersed in this thug/gang culture. Police involvement actually shocked him and stopped it. His older brother was kicked out of their school for bringing in a knife, his dad is a drug dealer and he was found on school grounds with a pair of scissors in his hand looking for my son, so I took it seriously.

The police took ages to do anything and the school tried to pressure me to send him in when it was partly their mistake and I lost trust in them. Practical things the school put in place were making sure they'd never be in the same area of school at the same time (so the other kid was always in a separate part of the building and ate lunch separately), daily searches on his way in to school and altered start/end times so they wouldn't cross on the way to and from school. I did worry that another relative might wait for him or that the other kid might just not go into school and wait for him but it didn't happen. It blew over in the end.

First rule of safeguarding is never promise to not tell anyone - it's not a promise you can realistically make op. I hope your day stays safe. What a horrible, worrying time for you both

@Plet thanks for that perspective and sorry you went through it too.

I kid in question has already been o. Quite serious Trouble with police so i k ow that doesn't phase him.

I'm so fucking angry. DS is a good kid on a good school with good friends. He works hard and is kind and always sees the best in people. He even pointed out that horrible kid was probably be bullied or pressured from above.

Amd right now he is sobbing and scared. I'm fucking livid. But scared enough to proceed with caution. And I can see a lot of posters don't understand my caution, but my first hand experience of these kinds of kids has shown me that I do need to read carefully.

*tread carefully

And a million other typos.

Saying he hasn't the money is calling the bullys bluff.
he can either back off and maybe lose face, make DS do something to get him the money (could be stealing or drug carrying etc) or he will follow through and possibly stab him.
If I'm honest it's not the way I'd go, too many risks.
will DH want to intervene/go and sort bully out?

I am so sorry that you and your son is experiencing this.
please please phone the police and the school. X

I’d say he’s not going follow through. your sons right tell him he hasn’t got the money he can’t get the money there is no chance of him getting any money and what made him think that he had access to cash Tell him he needs to drop it or he will report him.

What you should do… police, school etc.

Whats guaranteed to work… out of sight, out of mind.

So it depends whether you really think these people are going to stab your son. Even the remotest possibility and I would be sending him to a relative in another area or if I could afford a boarding school in a flash.

It happened to my cousin. Only stopped when he tried to commit suicide as he was fed up of hiding and being in constant fear/ threatened, chased etc. Moved to Scotland - happy as Larry now.

I would also get a trauma pack - one for home & one for the car - maybe even one for school. A full trauma first aid kit is very expensive so looking for an add on ‘trauma pack’ might be your best bet. Then you can find small kits which are designed to add on to normal first aid kits so not too badly priced.

Maybe like this… www.firstaid.co.uk/specific-risk/hypastop-critical-injury-pack-standard/

I know someone who happened to have a kit from work in his van (tree surgeon) when happily having lunch in a pub one day when someone was stabbed . multiple times - paramedics said saved the girls life without a doubt. So they are worth it - been meaning to purchase a couple myself.

The problem is if you pay he will just go to him again for more money - why wouldn't he? He can use him to withdraw money any time he wants. Honestly, I think I'd get ahead of it and go to the police. If the boy knows that the threat of him stabbing someone has been recorded surely he is less likely to do it. God, I hate people like this. One day they'll fuck about with the wrong person though.

Do not threaten the kid with anything. Christ this is the worst advice.

And the kit you need is a “bleed kit” - school can get one via PTA with limited funding.

@LemonSwan sorry to read about your cousin, but glad he’s happy now.

Well done for talking sense!

If you send your lad off to a bolt hole, get him to strip down and leave those clothes behind. Search his books and schoolbags thoroughly for tracing tags.

You say “so In the abscence of that” implying without that, move. Ie re that first

everyone needs to remember there’s a very stressed parent asking this - let’s not advise or imply they do anything stupid hey?

Poor kid! Don’t pay the money under any circumstances- next time they will demand 500! Keep persisting with the police and make sure your son is accompanied wherever he goes.

^excellent advice
Things have moved on since a lot of us were at school

Whenever your lad goes the above should happen:

This is terrifying OP.
I hope you get the right support from school and the police. I understand your fear and reluctance but this isn’t the kind of thing you can deal with on your own.

So you’ve sent your DS to school expecting this roadman trash to approach him demanding money again, not knowing if he’s carrying a weapon to carry out his threat, and school are none the wiser. Seriously?

You think your DS telling this thug he’s got no money is going to make it go away?

Please go into straight into school after drop of and tell them everything, then contact the police immediately afterwards. Hopefully they will attend the school today to speak to both of them. At the very least the school will put something in place so they are kept apart and your DS can be dropped off/picked up early from a different entrance. The police need to be informed of everything further that’s said on SM etc.

I would be insisting on a prosecution - death threats. You don’t keep quiet and try to get people like this to change their fucked up minds about killing you. You bring it out in the open, shout it from the rooftops. Bring down everything you can on them.