Does anyone know they drink too much....but don't care? 🤷‍♀️

[PunchitBishop]

Hi,

Just wondering this. I'm not one of them. I do drink too much, but I do care. Typical 'middle class drinker' I suppose. Don't drink to get drunk. Just drink wine mostly, not every day, but definitely too much at the weekends. Certainly more than the RWA.

I go from really worrying about it and consider going teetotal, to thinking life's too short, it's my only real vice etc.

I've noticed a lot or my friends have split between two categories in recent years - pretty much don't drink at all anymore or drink way too much. I do have a friend who genuinely doesn't care and gets very irritated if people interfere with her lifestyle. Again, she doesn't get drunk, may have seen her tipsy a few times, but that's it. In a way, I kind of admire her for just saying, "no, I'm an adult and I love a few glasses of wine, leave me alone".

I know there are health risks, premature aging etc, which is why I'm often at war with myself, but I did wonder how common my friends attitude is now...so thought I'd come on here 🙂

Thanks.

That's a good one op! I gave up smoking 15 years ago but giving up the wine was one step too far! I only ever get silly drunk at family dos as my DH's family are big drinkers. Now I've got to that stage where I have to drink every day but only ever half a large glass. At weekends I might have a large one! It's like my body knows when I've had enough and I just stop. I know i'm probably an alcoholic as I have to have something every day but it's only a bit! (Noone believes me!) It's like a medicine. It's got like this since having DS when I was 40.
I don't know anyone else like this..like you say, you either get drunk alot or hardly ever drink.

You obviously do care or you wouldn’t have started the thread. It’s a right pain that lovely enjoyable things are so bad for you!

We decided in our early 30s that wine was for weekends. Sure it’s lovely but every day is just too much. You might get away with it. Local friend just died at 55 of cancer of the oesophagus - she loved her white wine and drank daily. Never saw her drink either.

OP "I do have a friend who genuinely doesn't care and gets very irritated if people interfere with her lifestyle."

I don't drink often but I relate to that. My habits don't affect anyone else. I get very annoyed if people try to tell me something is "bad" for me. I am an adult, I make my own choices.

I drink too much according to the RWA but I don't care, it doesn't impact anything and I enjoy it. I don't think anyone I know bar a couple of non drinkers drink below the RWA.

The Mumsnetters that have a thimble of baileys at Christmas every other year will be out soon though

It’s silly saying thatz The other thread had lots of thoughtful contributions from those that really enjoy their wine. Dismissing anyone that doesn’t endorse daily drinking as some sort of Mary whitehouse pearl clutcher makes you appear quilts defensive.

DH and I both drink more than recommend. Wine Wednesday and weekends mostly. Can be up to a bottle each. I really should care but don't

@MsTSwift Yes, I said in my OP that I do care.

I think this is very common. I know several women who drink a bottle of two of wine most nights.

I genuinely don’t know anyone who stays anywhere close to the NHS 14 units a week. Most people I know would easily drink that in an evening.

I drink several times over that on a regular basis. I like wine and I like being tipsy. And you know what, I’m sure it will affect my health eventually but right now I can run a sub 3-hour marathon, I squat 1.5 times my body weight, and I am the happiest person I know: so I’ll stick with what I enjoy and think about the “what ifs” later.

No, I no longer drink too much because I DO care about health and longevity and aging and also drinking too much just makes me feel like shit these days, so I always regret it on the rare occasions that I do.

I don’t care that I drink more than the RWA.

i do care about gaining excess weight, feeling a bit sluggish in the morning, not sleeping well and teaching my kids that it’s okay to drink every single day. So I generally don’t, even if I want to.

like the poster who started the other recent alcohol thread I grew up watching my parents drink a bottle of wine and several spirits every single day (they still do and they are in their late 70s now) so it seems very normal to me.

I have a love/hate relationship with wine. I love drinking it, not to get drunk but just because I enjoy the taste. it’s my only vice. During lockdown I did overdo it ( for me anyway ) I would have a bottle almost every day. It’s the weight gain I hate! ( why does it have calories!!! 😭 )

now I am trying to cut down how much, but certainly not stop having a drink when I feel like one. I know I’ve crossed that line when I feel groggy the next day. I’m trying to find my own happy medium.

tbh I don’t pay attention to guidelines. I pay attention to how I feel, I decide my own limits. I have definitely had moments I’ve thought I should stop altogether and then changed my mind again and thought sod it!

I drink far more than the weekly allowance - probably 4 or 5 bottles a week. It doesn’t feel problematic for me and I’m rarely actually drunk these days. I don’t have children so I suppose that builds into a bit of a fatalistic and live in the moment attitude - if I die when im 60 or 80 I can’t say I care.

I do care because at one time Ià was slipping into alcoholism and underestimating how much I drank.
Then my youngish neighbour five years older than me had a massive stroke then another one and died. Her son said the autopsy showed it was drink related. She started drinking to hide grief after her other son died and hid it very well
Always eating mints and cleaning her teeth.
I'm teetotal now. I know I can't be responsible with drinking.

I think the peri-meno changes things. I feel much worse drinking now than I used to. The risk factors for alcohol and cancer and other horrors seems more relevant at my age. Alcohol is seen as riskier for women than hrt yet people tend to skip over that inconvenient truth

Health for me too. I drank a lot in my 20s and early 30s. Now I'm 43 I really have to fight the middle aged spread and eye bags. Not drinking much helps. Basically I'm too vain to drink too much. Although today's weather is making me think about wine 😁

I love white wine. I drank 1-2 bottles of wine most nights, could get up in the morning and work absolutely no problem. Mid 40's and no negative effects so far.

I decided over a period of time that I must be nearly an alcoholic, my DH doesn't drink and felt I needed to give up for all the health reasons, I read the books, joined the facebook pages and quit 6 months ago.

I'll be honest the only change is I don't have wine to look forward to on a weekend. I haven't lost any weight, I don't magically look better, I definately wasn't even close to being an alcoholic in hindsight, my mood isn't better. I don't feel fantastic at all.

My mother in law is a daily drinker and when I discussed with her my reasons for giving it up said they same as above - she enjoys it, it's her only vice, she's an adult and she will do what she wants!

I'm quite envious of that actually.

Some Interesting replies so far.

I definitely drink less than I used to, but I know it's still too much. This weather really doesn't help!!

Some of my favourites things are sitting in the sunshine - home or pub garden, sitting in the dining room on a Friday or Saturday night for hours, chatting to dp, catching up with friends and these all seem even better with wine. Now, does that mean I have a problem or is it just as simple as, I like/love a glass (or 2 or....) of wine?

I love a drink, but generally keep it just to Saturdays. Once you get in the rhythm of it, I found I didn't even think of opening a bottle of wine mid-week.

It’s not a hard and fast rule though, holidays, Christmas etc. are exceptions.

Absolutely, I drink way too much but I don't care enough about it to drink less.

@Fifiellz I hear you. I gave up drinking for a while to feel all the benefits - I was looking forward to losing weight, sleeping better, having more energy...all it did was make me more cranky

Drink is my major vice. I gave up a couple of years ago - then had cancer treatment - and you might think that would be a good motivator to keep off but no - it's crept back up again. I care - but at wine o'clock and especially if wound up - I really don't care. I'm not good a moderating but loathe to actually give up again. I'm mulling it over a lot.

We've moved to only drinking on Fridays and Saturdays for 2 reasons: money and weight.

Our taste in wine has gotten a bit pricy and having multiple bottles a week quickly adds up! As do the calories 😢

Some of my favourite things are sitting in the sunshine - home or pub garden, sitting in the dining room on a Friday or Saturday night for hours, chatting to dp, catching up with friends and these all seem even better with wine. Now, does that mean I have a problem or is it just as simple as, I like/love a glass (or 2 or....) of wine?

It could be either @PunchitBishop, from what you've written. I used to think that being an alcoholic and/or 'having a problem with alcohol' meant that you drank every day and couldn't stop even if you wanted to, but regular binge drinking at weekends (which could apply to you, it's not clear), also comes under the banner of 'having a problem with alcohol'. There's lots of info online about what the danger signs are, if you're worried.

I used to drink way too much when I was younger - I mean a lot, alcoholic probably. I worked in bars and it was all part of the culture. I stopped aged 32 because I developed severe autoimmune conditions which meant taking medication that was incompatible with drinking. I’m now 41 and have been the total all this time and I can’t see me ever drinking again. What helped was realising that I associated drinking with relaxing. It was a signal that it was time to stop and rest. So I focused on that aspect instead and tried to replace it with healthier options- smoothies, cold fruit juices etc etc and slowly I didn’t crave it so much anymore. Some of the non alcoholic versions of things are also quite nice - Gordon’s Gin in particular and it feels like you’re still having a “treat”.