How was your childhood?

[sleepfortheweek]

When you reflect back as an adult, especially with DC, how do you recall your childhood?

And why?

Do you see it different now than when you were a child in the moment?

Purely a Sunday reflection

I had two parents who cared and loved me shelted me from financial woes they were going through in detriment to their longer term well being, made sure I had everything I needed, I was always smart clean and fed we didn't have fancy holidays to Florida etc but we had wonderful family holidays in a caravan at the seaside. I also had siblings who cared and looked out for me as they were a lot older.
Looking back, it's sad they had to sacrifice their longer term ( financial health etc) futures for my childhood but I appreciate them and will always do anything I can to help now I'm in a good place.

I prefer not to! Emotionally abusive and violent parents. Went no contact with them when I was expecting my first DD, and never saw them again. Used them as reverse role models for parenting my own DDs.

Religious and crackers.

I was very lucky to have wonderful grandparents as my parents hated each other. I spent lots of time with grandparents, largely horse and pony orientated because that's who they were and being the apple of their eye.

Also spent a reasonable amount of time in London and my mother's idea of a day out for me was an afternoon in Biba or Way In on the top floor of Harrods.

I had the very bes

Not good. Mum was a single parent to 6 and whilst she wasn’t a bad mum she tried her best, but life was very hard (father(s) totally absent) 6 kids was too much on her own, she had no time for us, never got 1:1 ever, no money, was never taken anywhere as she couldn’t afford it, kicked out as soon as I turned 16 as she was just desperate to see the back of us by the time we was old enough so I felt I was forced to grow up before I was ready.

Cold and lonely. I feel such empathy for that little girl.

Great up until I was 11. I had wealthy parents, a big house (which at the time I didn’t appreciate how lucky I was), a large garden and my mum only worked very part time. I’m an only child so I spent loads of my childhood with my mum going to art galleries, museums, hiking through forests, picnics outdoors, at castles, historic sites of interest etc. We had loads of books and I used to read a lot, we had no celebrities or reality TV in the house, I had pretty much the idyllic middle class childhood.

But when I went to high school at 11, I hated it. Found out as an adult I have adhd, so I went though all of school undiagnosed which meant I was constantly in trouble, the other kids hated me and it was generally a shit time. Home life was still great, until I was about 14 by which time I ended up attempting suicide due to school and then the problems there started spilling over - ended up hospitalised for a bit and was home educated from that point on, which was much better. From 16+ everything was fine again. I have missing memories from that point in my life.

So overall I’d say it was great, but 11-16 and particularly 14-16 was rough.

We had everything we ever wanted growing up. We lived in a nice area with lots of families for us to play with and we had family literally around the corner. We couldn't have asked for a better childhood. It was idyllic. That changed when my parents split when I was 11. It coincided with my going to high school, experiencing SA and rape, and undiagnosed autism. My teen years were hell. I'd rather not think about them

Like a dream, a lovely one!

Perfect. And when I wondered whether I was looking back with rose tinted glasses, both my siblings confirmed that I wasn't.

I was lucky enough to have a perfect childhood. Loving, supportive parents, still together after 49 years, close siblings, massive extended family we spent a lot of time with, and a lot of close family friends too.

We really were blessed, and I don't take any of it for granted. The only thing is now trying so hard to replicate it for my kids and knowing I probably fall pretty far short!

Posted too early. The very best of everything. Clothes, holidays, pony, etc, except my mother was always clear I was not good enough. Not pretty enough, not a party girl, not the daughter she'd have chosen. I wasn't allowed to wear pink because it was for pretty girls. Everyone would have thought my childhood was perfect and my friends thought I was so lucky to have such a modern and glamorous mother.

Mumsnet made me realise my mother was a classic narcissist. Thank God for my wonderful grandparents.

Ahhh the undiagnosed neurodivergent experience of everything going to shit when you get to high school. I’m sorry that happened, I had similar but for slightly different reasons

Absolutely spot on childhood. 2 parents still together now; twin brother and older sister. Working class but we managed fine. Very humble and family orientated. Went on holidays abroad and had a big extended family. I feel lucky AF and aim to give my kids the same

Single parent family with an amazing mother who was struggling valiantly with depression, being very poor and in debt, and a child with SEN. Fantastic nans, aunts and cousins. Emotionally abusive father who was a religious nut and a constant source of anxiety and unease in mine, my mothers and brothers life. I also was abused by a family friend for a period (it wasn’t horrific but abuse nonetheless).

Happy, shabby and full of family but with a sadness and precariousness I couldn’t can’t understand as a child but which made me terribly anxious nonetheless. I feel like I knew too much too young.

Something tragic happened later in life and now I look back in my childhood with a sense of foreboding, it unfortunately taints everything though I try to be rational. My children have a very different life to me and I’m so happy that’s the case, though I learnt a lot in hindsight.

It wasn't the happiest. Mum had married a bully who may have seemed charismatic and entertaining at the pub but wasn't particularly nice to us at home. I think she regretted it but was stuck with it ("You've made your bed so you have to lie in it", said unsympathetic Victorian grandma) so had to spend the rest of her life trying to justify it. She suffered from high blood pressure and other health problems which must have been brought on by the stress of being married to the most argumentative man in the world.

However, she was glad to have married him because she had a family - but it was an unhappy family.

He was a very cold fish, over-critical and nothing was ever good enough and he caused a terrible atmosphere. One of the reasons why I didn't have children.

Lovely.
I think very much the same as my dcs' childhood.
Stable, fun.
Would have been nice to have had more money / afforded a few more things but I grew up knowing the value of money.
No trauma. Just everyday normality really.

I loved mine. I was brought up on one of the biggest council estates in the North and it was like one big happy family. I remember sunny days, loads of games ( rally ho,kerby, etc) team building exercises ( they weren't called that then, but looking back that's what they were ), picnics etc. We'd go out to play early morning and only went home when we heard my dad calling us. We weren't rich but both parents worked hard to give us everything we needed.

It’s only in the last few years I’ve realised how different my childhood was. Mother who emotionally and physically abused me and my sibling, played the most terrible mind games with us and who had us living in fear every single day. I never went hungry and she always made sure we were fed, but she always told us how we’d ruined her life, how she didn’t want us, and was very cruel at times. Sometimes I feel sad for the little girl I was back then. My goal in life is to make sure my daughters childhood is nothing like that.

My mum was odd and temperamental. Made it obvious she didn't like young children. I fear I'm the same but I don't think I am.

It wasn't the happiest. I was angry and difficult and awkward - always aware that my parents found me hard work and that they were impatient with me.

In retrospect I realise that there was nothing wrong with me, except I was unhappy and felt unloved and unwanted. They made little attempt to understand me or empathise with the things I was upset about. It was clear that they much preferred my siblings and blatantly favoured them. Anything I got upset or angry about was immediately dismissed with Oh for Goodness Sake! Mim being silly and difficult again!

As an adult this has continued and I have as little contact as possible with them as they still make me feel shit. They are the only two people I know who find me 'difficult'. Every other person I know would probably describe me as 'easy going' or 'laidback' or 'cheerful'.

I am the eldest child and I think I was an unwelcome culture shock to them. I spoiled their lifestyle.

Extremely loving parents who moved heaven and earth to do what they felt was right for us, and still would, but who were also burdened by their own histories. One parent is a Holocaust survivor, the other is also traumatised by their wartime childhood. Both are driven to make sure we will all be safe and fed, but so driven that they do not notice emotions until they (the emotions) explode. And then they do not know how to handle it so either get emotionally clumsy, or angry or emotionally distant.

Horrible and abusive. Doing my best to make sure my kids have a very different experience and
am still trying to keep my mother away from me as much as possible as she’s so toxic.

When I was growing up I never gave my childhood a second thought. It felt quite normal.

It's only been in the last few years, speaking with my husband about his childhood, spending time with others who have children (and planning for our own) that i've come to realise that it wasn't all that happy. There are a lot of things that have come to the surface that I never paid much mind to at the time, but connecting the dots has been eye opening and quite sad.

As a teen I thought I was so lucky to have parents who didn't ask me a million questions and want to know the ins and outs of my life. Now, in adulthood they still take zero interest in any of my plans, achievements, or my life in general. It makes me quite sad sometimes, particularly if I have news to share. It's like they never wanted to get to know me.

On reflection i've realised that absolutely everything was negative. Christmas? Loads of commercialised rubbish. Marriage? Just a bit of paper for idiots. Someone had a baby? Ruined their life. Someone just got a promotion or a job? More fool them for slaving away and making someone else rich. Holidays/days out/anything at all that might be fun? Money making racket.
It's still that way and it is so exhausting to be around.

Perhaps as a result of the above I feel like I missed out on a lot. We never ever did celebrations, holidays, days out. Anything that might have been enjoyable really. I feel that my parents approach to parenting was that as long as we were fed and watered we didn't need anything else.

One of the most significant things I remember about growing up though was how it was drummed into me for as long as I can remember that having kids would ruin your life and be a huge mistake. It was relentlessly reiterated. At the time I never read anything into it and just thought it was a warning against getting pregnant young as they had. Now it seems like a weird thing to consistently relay to your child.

Mine wasn't too bas although my mum did have mental illness for many years which was difficult and meant she exposed me to some things I perhaps shouldn't have been exposed to at such a young age. She was very passionate about human rights, animal rights etc and involved me in a lot of that stuff , things I never should have known about at a young age and would never talk to my kids about. Dad worked a lot and not really that involved in day to day stuff. Was never really pushed much academically, there wasn't much interest shown by my parents really. In my teenage years my dm was very over zealous regarding religious stuff, talked about the end of the world and the apocalypse a lot. To this day I'm still not sure how much of that was mental illness just not being able to make her understand that she could not force that stuff on her kids and others. She alienated people / neighbors and you just couldn't make her see that not everyone wanted to be bombarded with that. There were some good times, we had loving grandparents, always had nice home cooked food and freshly baked bread, days out, a Uk holiday once a year etc.

Mine was lovely looking back to my early years, had everything I needed, lots of love and freedom to play out with friends all day. No money for holidays abroad but camping every summer.
They split when I was 12, everything changed then. I was very insecure, made bad choices, got in with the wrong crowds etc.

But I've found out in later years that my throughout my early childhood, they both had affairs and weren't happy at all, they hid it well from me as I had no idea. It's quite sad really that my nice early memories of childhood were somehow filled with lies.