How was your childhood?

[sleepfortheweek]

When you reflect back as an adult, especially with DC, how do you recall your childhood?

And why?

Do you see it different now than when you were a child in the moment?

Purely a Sunday reflection

Mine was okay. I was fed and loved, but my parents divorced when I was 3 and my father threatened my mother and got custody of me and my brother. My mother was so young and inexperienced and she was devastated. We saw her for holidays. I didn’t know she was suicidal over it but then she met my step dad and fought for us. My dad was angry and driven to make money, and left our granny to raise us after school. She was lovely.

Emotionally lacking- mother in hospital from when I was 5, died at 8, every single adult around me behaved appallingly and in no way would I treat my niece or child like that. Maybe because it was the 90s, it was a case of get on with it- no thought for emotional turmoil.

My parents nearly killed me. I have absolutely no idea what it is to feel loved and supported by parents that truly care and can be relied on.

In some ways lovely but in others a constant feeling of not fitting in with other kids. Still feel that way as an adult tbh

I feel like I had a good childhood. We went to the local Catholic school across town, over several main roads, and all walked in a bit group together.

My mum and step-dad worked so we had to look after ourselves for a few hours after school and we either got on like a house on fire or we would fight. We always had friends round, or go to friends' houses, and would just play for hours.

We were given a lot of freedom: we could go miles, without anyone knowing where we were, and only come home at tea-time.

We were poor, we owned our house but lived on a council estate and we never had any money but I remember feeling safe and loved; I didn't have any hang-ups over boys or my body; and I don't remember feeling as though I had to look and be "perfect".

very Poor, moved a lot. My mum was a lovely mum but not the most protective or headstrong. My dad was an alcoholic. My oldest brother is 12 years older was more like a dad to me, he was sensible and moved out when I was 11. My 2 other siblings got in trouble with the police a lot as teenagers.
I didn’t really have any guidance growing up so dropped out of school before my exams and then went to work full time. Became a mum at 18.

the good side of my childhood was the freedom. Lots of outdoor time, lots of fun as a teenager.
we had a small boat growing up so did fishing.
I spent a lot of time in nature and being creative.
there were a lot of positives that perhaps my children don’t have despite us being much better off.
My dads abusive side definitely effected me but I’m over it now. The lack of money and moving house made me a strong resilient person.
im grateful for what we did have rather then what we didn’t.

And yes, I reminisce on my childhood with my dc (sometimes mid-rant about their attitude) and show them photos and compare it with theirs.

I am trying to give them similar freedoms.

A lovely mum but my father wasn't a nice person. He was selfish, argumentative and very obviously didn't like us. I have no relationship with him now. They bickered terribly and the atmosphere was awful growing up. Mum is still with him, she would find the fall out of separating too overwhelming - so she has stayed unhappily married for decades. I couldn't wait to leave home. Its very sad

I luckily met a wonderful man and am happily married.

Mixed. My parents split when I was 11 which was fine but my dad has mental health issues. I remember seeing lots of arguments and us children were used as pawns. My dad also tried to kill himself at one stage, he also had 2 breakdowns when I was younger. However, we have a good relationship and my mum provided us with a lovely home & steady, safe environment. She worked her ass off and although we didn't do lots of expensive hols or have loads of things we never felt we missed out. We grew up in a good area and attended good schools.

Both my parents were abusive. Dad was an alcoholic, Mum was cruel physically and mentally.

They got away with it for years and I was controlled by them into my 40s.

I am now no contact. One parent has died and I'm looking forward to when the other one goes.

They both appear in my nightmares and I have been in therapy for 15 years.

But I have my own glorious family now and the love I get to give and receive was worth hanging on for.

I am reflecting on this a lot
Spent time with my parents yesterday and there was a lot of criticism
And I feel shit today

When I look back on my childhood now I realise how controlling my dad was (and still is to other family members).

We moved four times for him to progress his career including six months before my exams. Now my DD is doing her GCSE’s I think he was massively selfish.

my mum had mental health issues including pnd when my sister was born (we are 8 years apart) and during my teenage year she was just angry with me all the time. I remember saying I needed a new bra and she started screaming at me saying I was a liar.

I was always told “to stop making a fuss” if I expressed any emotion at all. They were and still are very critical of other family members but also get really worked about about random strangers, politicians etc.

looking back I was often very lonely as a teenager as I found it hard to fit in when I moved schools.

I did work hard at school though as I couldn’t wait to leave home and go to college hundreds of miles away.

Even now they feel like such hard work compared to DH’s family who are just kind and straightforward people.

It was unique. With lot of twists and turns. Dm life would make a few millions if her life story was turned into a movie. But my dad's sister would bring in the most amount of money. Her life involved drama after drama and she was very jealous of dm. Which ment she would be around constantly, to see what dm was up to. She was territorial about all her brothers. She would create over the top, sneaky tactics to punish people over nothing.

I learnt to love the mundane and I always knew dm loved me very much. My father is a different story, as dm told me he loved me very much, but he had a genuine reason not to be with us, my first few years off life. So I developed an imaginary dad and I was very disappointed when I finally meet my real father. He was nothing like the perfect man I had imagined. He had flaws.

I was an army brat so never any real stability. Mum was very hot on tough love, dad a Disney dad to compensate being away all the time. I sought approval a lot.

They divorced when I was 17, should have been years earlier. Infidelity on both sides.

I don't hold any grudges since growing up and getting married (twice) myself, and we are close now.

Out of interest did you go away to school?

No, but my brother did - he has his own range of issues now 😂

Horrible.

Both my parents were violent, had serious mental health problems and were alcoholics. My mother really disliked me and hit me all the time.

My mother was in hospital for years of my childhood, my two grans never stepped in to help me. It was very difficult going through puberty with my drunken dad. I made pads out of cut up towels.

I am on anxiety medication but I have a stable life now.

I had a normal enough but I suppose not typical childhood. One of the youngest in a huge family (15) with very little money, no grandparents or aunts and uncles, father died when I was small. I wouldn't say that was i unhappy exactly, but there was very little of anything to go round, including affection, if anything I felt like a bit of a nuisance to my mother, just another mouth to feed. I have very low esteem, not really surprising when I was never complimented or appreciated or made to feel worthwhile. It definitely affected my adult choices, didn't go to college, worked dead end jobs, married the first man that was nice to me, but i dont feel bitter or blame anyone, it is what it is and other people fared much worse in their lives. I adore my mum and help care for her now that she is very elderly and housebound. Tbh I feel she has had a much harder life that I have.

I look back fondly, it wasn't perfect, as an adult I can see the holes but as a child I had a wonderful time.

Long hot summers out playing with friends all day every day, lovely little school, nice well kept house, caravan holidays with the occasional year that we'd get the ferry to Eurocamps, lots of family bbqs and weekend buffets.

In hindsight there were money concerns, dad disappeared for a year, mum was hiding a lot of depression, some of the family members who seemed so friendly were actually back stabbing, but all of that was hidden from us and we were just carefree kids.

It was generally happy and I always felt loved. We were poor though and one parent had mental health issues - anger, depression etc. It did affect us as children and made life more difficult. However, because we always felt loved I believe this mitigated some of bad effects. I do think I'm more anxious because of how that parent was.

Chaotic. Single mum and I was an only child. She had lots of help from my DGP but she really disliked them (not to their face). I never understood that. Holidays with grandparents in a small town every summer were paradise. Trips with my mum could be fun but lots of arguments. She was very emotionally abusive. I went out a lot, drinking, partying, very little self esteem. I left as soon as I finished Uni and she died a few years later when I was 26. Those last years of me being out of home were a blessing because I grew up, understood that she might had MH issues, and be got closer.

I have now been diagnosed with PMDD and highly suspect she had it too.

Looking back, I just love being an adult and I take medication for PMDD so I don't repeat history, I tell them I loved them all the time and never ever call them names (I know this is obvious for some people).

That was mine are like. We've just been on a 5 day holiday and after 3 days I couldn't wait to go home . My child loved it though but he's going to school this year and hopefully I'll just say I can't get the holidays off to avoid it

A df who was indifferent and a dm who liked babies and lost interest the moment we hit 3.
On the upside, lots of siblings.

We didn't go hungry but we were often cold and otherwise generally neglected. Leaving home was a relief. 🙂

I was pretty blessed. My parents were well off and were (and are) great parents - to the point it compensated for a medical issue that meant spending some months while very small hospitalised. I think I have some minor attachment issues related to that, but it would have been way, way worse if I hadn't had such a great relationship with my parents afterwards.

There were bumps, like my first few years in secondary school being miserable - I wasn't bullied or anything, I just didn't fit in or make friends until we mixed form groups more and I found my besties. I consider the later school years to be some of the happiest of my life. There was also when my dad's business folded due to recession and money was a bit tight and I knew my parents were stressed.

I seem to be one of the relatively few parents who wishes she could be more like her own parents!

I had a great childhood , lovely parents who set boundaries but were always fair and supportive . My dad died quite young and before I’d had my children but my mum was a great Nan , indeed she was more like a second mum particularly to our oldest .