What is sex

[purpleme12]

My child is 8
How should I explain what is sex?
She knows you make a baby by having sex but she doesn't know what it is.
What is the right thing to say at this age?

This is shocking.

Sexual education should come from parents. Of course schools have suitable programmes.

But home should be the space for learning not just the facts but the values & challenges that can arise in the context of sex. You learn this from a young age, ideally, so that it's never an issue, you can be open & when more serious conversations are needed eg as a teen or young adult, it's not difficult.

why does a 3 year old need to know daddy put his penis in mummy’s vagina

Why not?

They might not need to - your seed example might be fine.

But if they ask 'how', there's absolutely nothing wrong with saying that, along with saying a bit about context ie that it's part of loving each other, or whatever.

So odd you think something that's natural needs an 🙄

Your comment said it was on kids TV programmes hence me asking what ones, you didn’t say films and I’m not familiar with the film you mentioned, I’ve certainly never seen it on any tv programmes

I saw an amazing quote from someone recently who said his wife had described it to their children as “the mummy puts the daddy’s penis into her vagina”

(I have googled to try to find out who but that quote gives v nsfw results!)

I just loved the way it turns the control around. I hadn’t realised that the way we all tend to describe sex to our kids starts that idea that sex is something men do to women rather than something they do together.

@BiscoffSundae

Also, I wasn't saying that particular phrase had to be used - I didn't use it at all - I said that explaining biological facts wasn't graphic & can easily be done with small DC

Yes, and this is true - what more do you want me to say? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Clifford was one example.

It's often oblique or subtle but to avoid exactly the scenario that OP describes (not knowing the word 'sex' at 8!) I am very open about facts, emotions & values to do with sex from early on.

Ok then

I totally get that perspective, but I think every household is different. In my teens I had sex ed lessons, I had friends who would chat about stuff, I had Google, etc. Never once did I wonder what sex was or how it worked, or what I should/shouldn’t be doing, or what safe sex was. Definitely didn’t want my parents describing it to me (ew…)

Just not sure why of all the topics, people feel so strongly that this one should be treated differently and handled by the parents. To be honest I can’t think of anything more mortifying than talking to my little kids about what “mummy and daddy do”, let alone asking them questions about their personal sex lives when they’re older - I’d really hope I wouldn’t be needed by that point!

But point taken, maybe I was brought up in a worse way and it’s warped my thinking!

Good book options designed for children your DD's age:

⁃	It’s not the stork by Roby H Harris 
⁃	What makes a baby by Cory Silverberg

We used a book, the Usbourne one and read that -over and over again!-

I've told her anyway.
Like I said it was never an 'issue' like seems to have been implied on here by a poster. I did this thread to get advice.

I always remember a girl crying in my class in year 3 or 4 thinking she was pregnant because a boy had cuddled her!!!

Please don't say 'special cuddle'. There's nothing gross or graphic about saying the daddy puts his penis in the mummy's vagina'. Kids really don't think of it in the sexual graphic detail that we do.

No I wouldn't say a special cuddle either.
I mean it's really choosing to lie saying that

That’s why most say a special cuddle that only adults can do 🤷‍♀️ Not something I’ve said personally as I said anyway but equally I’m not telling 3 years olds that daddy puts mummy’s penis in her vagina

@BiscoffSundae why are you so adamant that a 3 year old can't be told that a man puts his penis inside a woman (or as a few PP have put it, the woman puts the penis in - I really like the control messaging here). This is an entirely natural act, like pooing and weeing, and our children deserve to be told the truth as plainly as possible. Or are you saying sex is something to be hidden, or be shameful about? Honesty and openness right from the start will breed trust and safety into our children as they navigate the world.

I'm with @EarringsandLipstick on this as one of the only posters here making sense!!

It’s more the age than the words 8 fine 3 no need too young for those details at such a young age and I don’t like “the woman puts it in” it sounds weird said that way.

I talked to my 9 yr old as she never asked. The 7 year old found out at the same time. I don't think all 8 year olds are talking about sex.

And I don’t see how not wanting to discuss having sex with preschoolers makes me think sex is shameful 🤣🤣 nope literally no need for a 3 year old to know how sex happens.

8 is plenty old enough imo. My dc were a bit younger, but I think I said something like:

"Sex is a thing adults do where the woman puts the man's penis in her vagina and his sperm goes inside her. Sometimes the sperms meets up with the woman's egg and that can make a baby." I have dds so it suited me to explain it with the woman in the active role, aware this might be different for others.

I have since explained that gay couples can have sex too.

Thank you

Nope not telling a 3 year old daddy puts his penis in mummy’s vagina, don’t care what you think about that, it’s unnecessary imo, fwiw I never used special cuddle however a child at 3 that’s a fine explanation imo, I used seed story as mine didn’t ask any more than that I was simply answering what I would say If a child pushed and wanted to know exactly how it got there, why does a 3 year old need to know daddy put his penis in mummy’s vagina 🙄 so unnecessary

I'm the same @BiscoffSundae. I don't care if it's my issue or whatever, I'm not talking about that at this age. Don't mind seeds and sperm ( mummy's have eggs that grow, daddies... whatever) but don't need all the details about penis in vagina. My child can't even asked for that much, it would be weird to just say it.

People are introducing this earlier and earlier. I just don't see the need as long as they know by age 11, before secondary school.

Thank you I’m glad it’s not just me, I think people are going too far the opposite way to be the “cool” parent, toddlers don’t need to know HOW sex works, just the basics, the rest can come later. But like there is such thing as too late there is also such thing as too early when it’s not needed.

Mumsnet is a funny old place.

My 6 year old has never asked about sex and I've never told her. Shocker!! God only knows what kind of uneducated monster I'm creating!

🤣

If they ask, you tell. When my four year old asked how babies get it the mummy's tummy I told her. Surely most little children have asked this by 8 years old?