What is sex

[purpleme12]

My child is 8
How should I explain what is sex?
She knows you make a baby by having sex but she doesn't know what it is.
What is the right thing to say at this age?

My DS is about to turn 8 and has never asked or queried anything to do with sex/making babies so I'm yet to have these conversations.

But one thing I read lately which I made a mental note of was to word it as 'The woman puts the mans penis in her vagina' rather than 'the man puts it in' to form the idea of consent from the beginning and to show it's not only ever the man's decision or the man in control.

I’m in my 20s and I didn’t know what sex was (neither did my friends) until we learned about puberty and periods. We were older than 8 because no one in my class had started puberty at that age. It all made sense then because periods/pregnancy are linked to sex.

Gosh I'm obviously way off, as I've already told my 3 and 4 year olds this! They asked where babies come from and I just said "the daddy puts his Willy in the mummy's vagina and it makes a baby". They didn't care and carried on playing!
I'm just quite open with them though. They've been in the bathroom when I'm changing a tampon for example.
I don't want it to be a big thing requiring an awkward sit down conversation.

Yes she's been in the toilet with for years and years.
I don't feel awkward at all I just wasn't sure of the right thing

Everyone is different I personally don’t like the idea of telling 3/4 year olds knowing what sex is a penis going in vagina etc but see that’s the way the world is now, my son is 8 and hasn’t asked about sex, what kids shows speak about sex? Haven’t seen any that do 😕 my kids know you need a man and a woman to have a baby and that it’s a seed the goes in mummy’s belly and they know where a baby comes out, and they know about periods. My kids don’t seem to ask questions about it though.

She knows the word sex from someone at school.
Although she thought it was a swear word lol so I had to correct her on that.
So I do think it's the right time.
But of course I'm talking about an 8 year old

Yes definitely about the right age, toddlers/preschoolers knowing what sex is is weird and unnecessary imo! 😳

My almost 8 year old has never shown any curiosity about where babies come from. I was ready for the "mummy and daddy have a special cuddle" type explanation when she was a pre-schooler but the question never came. I think it's actually a bit trickier to start from a blank slate at this age. There's also a bit of an added layer as she is an ivf baby so me and her dad were several miles apart from each other and the sperm and egg when conception took place.

I personally don’t like the idea of telling 3/4 year olds knowing what sex is a penis going in vagina etc

You don't necessarily need to tell a 3 or 4 year old this - Daddy puts a seed in Mammy's tummy might be fine.

But if they then ask 'how?', you need to follow up with the answer, and context.

Regarding kids' shows, by the time they are 8, a lot of shows make reference to kissing, relationships, having babies. J remember some references in Clifford the Big Red Dog that we saw at Christmas!

My kids tended to ask me, so I answered.

Also, I think it's vital from early ages, children then teens, understand about consent, treating people respectfully, respecting sex instead of seeing it as the subject of a crude joke. I want all my DC, boys and girls, to be able to speak openly about sex & understand the issues for the opposite sex.

That's nuts.

Your 8 year old has heard the word sex from someone in school & thought it was a swear words?

You need to get chatting & also be more open.

We all parent differently, but at 3/4 I think a special cuddle is more suitable for that age group no need for graphic details at that age as far as I’m concerned. My kids have never watched a show that speaks about sex but then my kids don’t watch CBeebies Etc

It's nuts? I can't control what is said in school.
I corrected her when she mentioned it.
We are actually open as per above posts she knows people have periods cos she's always been and to come in the toilet with me. I'm not shy about being naked. Etc etc etc.
I again have no problem with explaining about sex which is the reason I did the thread as I wanted to know the best way. If I had a problem I'd avoid it altogether or tell a lie.
I have no problem with how or when any of this has cropped up as when it does I will answer

She might have thought it was a swear word because it was being discussed in hushed tones away from adult ears.

@BiscoffSundae cbeebies is the last place to talk about sex lol

This is the same for me, DS is an IVF baby so I'm keen for him to know babies aren't 'just' made via sex.
I've got this book in my Amazon basket ready for the conversation, based on a few recommendations

I think she said her friend said it was a swear word!

I’m trying to work out what kids shows talk about it then? Mine have never watch Clifford? Thought that was on CBeebies 🤣

@BiscoffSundae I think it's more family films that make veiled references to it.
At least in my experience

But then she's never twigged from the veiled references in films anyway

Ah yes I’m sure sex references in kids films would go over most kids heads anyway, could never get mine to watch a film they’ve never been very interested in watching them (other than the odd Disney movie)

Not sure why it’s so shocking that some parents haven’t brought it up at home - my parents never needed to, it was taught at school. The same way my parents never needed to teach me maths - it was taught at school…

We all parent differently, but at 3/4 I think a special cuddle is more suitable for that age group no need for graphic details at that age as far as I’m concerned

'Special cuddles' 🙄

Using vague language isn't a great idea. You can be factual without being 'graphic'. And being clear about sex, consent and bodily functions isn't being graphic for goodness' sake

It's nuts? I can't control what is said in school.

It's nuts an 8 year old has no idea what the word 'sex' means & thinks it's a swear word

Mine have never watch Clifford?

It's a movie 🙄

There's nothing explicit but references are made, which while oblique, mean I prefer to be clear about sex, avoiding the scenario OP finds herself in

Nope not telling a 3 year old daddy puts his penis in mummy’s vagina, don’t care what you think about that, it’s unnecessary imo, fwiw I never used special cuddle however a child at 3 that’s a fine explanation imo, I used seed story as mine didn’t ask any more than that I was simply answering what I would say If a child pushed and wanted to know exactly how it got there, why does a 3 year old need to know daddy put his penis in mummy’s vagina 🙄 so unnecessary