10 year old at a church service. Need to take something to occupy?

[AaaarghSchool]

DD is 10 and has never been to church before. Tomorrow she has to sit through a confirmation service which I imagine will be quite long. When I was 10 (and younger) this wouldn't have been an issue, but I was taken to church every Sunday so was used to it. We don't really talk about religion so she has no real idea what will happen. DH has helpfully told her it will be very boring!
I could e.g. give her a small book to take, one of her Lego dot bracelets or a bracelet that turns into an animal. Or tell her to read the Bible if she's bored 😂Do they still put bibles in every pew?
Or is it OTT and I should expect her to sit through without any fuss?

10? She can read the Bible if she’s bored. Stare at the ceiling, count the cobwebs, daydream. Unless she’s unusually disruptive she’ll be fine. Bored, but fine.

At 10 she should be able to sit through a service with no issue.

Maybe this will be a good cultural / spiritual experience for her OP?

I went to a CoE school, and whilst church services were never the highlight of the week, they were bearable to get through. Often our reverend would talk about the more 'relevant' issues in life or be quite philosophical, plus there were the hymns etc. There was a big religious element obviously but it was not an hour of verses, prayers and an awfuly long benediction.

Church services are not the same as they were 30+ years ago, many have modernised.

10! As others have said of course she should be able to sit there and listen / arrange her face in a listening expression whilst daydreaming. Do not take a book for her, that would be very rude and frankly a bit odd.

There may be some colouring in she can do

Colouring in? At ten years old?!

I'm.assuming she's neurodiverse? Or SEN? Then let her read a book quietly.

In not ND then this is a great learning opportunity for her.

I think that all the people pointing out that a 10-year-old can sit through a service aren't wrong, but I presume what you're worried about isn't a toddler meltdown, but her asking a question or making a noise at the wrong moment?

If so, then you need to find out what will happen, and to tell her about it.

I would have thought a child quietly reading a book would be no bother to anyone.

No assemblies at school, and no discussion on religion either at school (because otherwise she’d know what a church service involved) or at home?

Whichever country you reside in, OP, I’m feeling a little sorry for your daughter. Her education sounds somewhat lacking in education.

Have you asked her?

Regular church goer - for a long service we unashamedly pull out Magna doodle, colouring, drawing pads, friendship bracelets even if desperate a discrete phone/head phone with a book/podcast on.

Definitely don't bring a toy, and especially any toy that would make noise.

A pencil and small notebook, or a longish book that won't make a lot of noise if dropped would be fine.

I think at age 10 a child should be expected to understand that not all events are presented for her entertainment and should be able to read the room and sit quietly.

My 8yo can sit through mass.

Don't need to occupy her. She should be able to sit through the service for an hour. If she is bored, she is bored. Apparently your DH will be bored. You aren't taking colouring for him. Stop babying her.

At 10 she can sit through a service for goodness sake…

she should participate in the singing, if only cos a bit of communal singing is good for reduces stresses and promoting wellbeing. She can listen to what’s being said, look at the building and the bling in it , and engage her brain and natural curiosity to see what the deal is. If she’s never been it’s a faith lesson for her.

She needs to learn her own way to deal with church/ multi faith services in the future ( weddings, funerals, bar mitzvah, and everything in between) and be comfortable with how she’ll choose to deal with prayer bits etc.

Teach her to listen and watch and ask herself why people might do that, what it means etc. that’ll take her through most of it. Even looking at stained glass window or watching the light coming through them can be interesting for a while. Looking at the folks being confirmed especially if she knows one is interesting. The sermon can be boring …but that entirely depends on preacher and actually some are very good and engaging…she is used to listening to teachers in school drone on about dull stuff so sure she can cope. If she thinks preacher is talking gosh- well at least she is forming an opinion.

don’t take something in to entertain her with. Sets a pretty low bar of expectations for attending stuff that might not be her choice in future. We all have to attend and nod politely and look engaged at dull meetings and gatherings…it’s called being polite for others - it’s a communion service so for some folks it’s a real celebration…explain this to her..it’s their special day and you being there is important socially no matter with faith or none. Set her up to know a bit of what is going to happen- maybe get her to look it up herself on Google before hand so it starts a bit of curiosity that’ll keep her a bit nterested. By 10 most kids have a view on the whole god concept

Tosh not gosh 🤷🏼‍♀️

Oh and timing..catholic maybe 1.5 to 2 hours 😱 and CoE around 1-15-1.5 hours.
it’ll depend on number of folks being confirmed in that church. CoE tends to save them up and bishop does single service for multiple parishes

make sure she knows to use toilet before start 🤣🤣

My four year old can sit through a church service.

Regular church goer - for a long service we unashamedly pull out Magna doodle, colouring, drawing pads, friendship bracelets even if desperate a discrete phone/head phone with a book/podcast on

what’s the actual point then? Why take them at all? A ten year old using a magna doodle or reading a book during church is just rude.

I'd take a book.

I think people are being unreasonably harsh to the op. She hasn't said her dd is unable to sit for a long service being bored, presumably she just wants to make her dd's morning a bit less crap if she is being forced to attend a boring event for social reasons. It doesn't sound as if the op's family are religious.

All the pp's bragging about how perfectly their very young dc will sit silently for hours at a time - I'm not sure this is the parenting success you seem to think it is. It is perfectly normal for dc to seek stimulation.

Teach her to have some respect for the service and the other people there and listen to what's going on.
Lego ffs!

A book is fine. One of the families at my church always used to let their DC read quietly. Until they were old enough to leave at home. And the dad's a minister. So I presume that means it's OK.

You’re being given a hard time but I agree with the overall message. It’s okay for her to be bored. I am not Christian but had to spend a lot of time sitting and waiting in a church when I was young because of other activities. I remember looking at the depictions of Christ, the stained glass windows, the Bible in the pew, etc. I would be lost in thought and observation and the time passed quickly enough. And observing all those details made the setting more familiar to me when I was older and had to attend social functions on my own. I can still picture that church today.

Take a book, but agree she should be able to sit through it at 10, but she can read quietly if she is bored

Presumably the person bring confirmed is around her age too? No, she's 15.

They should do it's a legal requirement!!!
not where DD goes to school. School is secular and freedom of religion is guaranteed and it's illegal to force someone to attend lessons on religion.
They have only recently decided to introduce RE lessons,
but they can't be taught by a priest or other religious leader, they have to be taught generally by the class teacher and be lessons about religion. That's not until the final year of primary though.

She hasn't said her dd is unable to sit for a long service being bored, presumably she just wants to make her dd's morning a bit less crap if she is being forced to attend a boring event for social reasons.
Yes, this too. Although as DS was throwing up all night it is now not my problem and solely DH's! I have told her basically what happens, she was a bit at the thought of having to sing, so I said she can just pretend. If she's bored she can look through the hymn book or bible, count the stones in the wall, calculate how many people can sit in the church etc. Watch what everyone else is doing and keep quiet when everyone else is quiet etc etc.

My main concern is/was I have no idea how long it will take. She'll be fine for 50-60 minutes I'd have thought.

At 10 years of age she must be sensible enough to know how to behave in such situation and shouldn't need any distractions, surely.