What do you think about this?

[Donaldduck22]

My brother has asked me if I want to start looking after his daughter, my neice, on a regular basis. It's come out of the blue a bit. My neice is 15 months. I work part time but want to increase my hours. I've said I'll think about it but it feels like a really big responsibility especially because at that age they need so much.

Hard no from me - totally cf

Abso-fucking-lutely-not.

”Be nice looking after your niece” is offering to babysit, not being her PT nanny. This is a whole other level of commitment which will restrict your potential hours at work, social life etc. whilst also not being as fun as a day trip/babysit as you will soon be caretaker. Changes the whole dynamic, including with your brother.

I wouldn’t do this even if my family paid me (and I have kids!). Far too many issues. Wondering if there is a back story here as to why your DB is suggesting this - he’s either a CF or for some reason thinks this is good for you. Either way - no.

"it's not about the money" are lofty ideals to bandy around when you're trying to get free childcare or of a family member.
He's phrasing it like he's doing you a favour?! He absolutely isn't and he's being a complete CF here.

Even if he was offering to pay, I'd still think it's a bad idea. These agreements usually end badly.

I agree. Unless this is something that you actively want to do for personal reasons (which you have said it’s not) then it would be incredibly restrictive for you and would probably end up souring your relationship with your DB and DN.

I hate it when people phrase things to make it look like they're doing you a favour
I'd probably laugh in his face
Cheeky git

For me, it would depend if it's just one day a week (might be nice to have your niece around), or whether he's expecting all day every day!
Also, do you actually want to?
Got to give him 10/10 for being cheeky!!!

If it's not about the money then why isn't he offering to pay you? What a CF.

Exactly! What a CF!

I don’t really understand why you didn’t trust say no though?!

It's not about the money! Jeez, I've heard it all now!

The answer should be fuck off no thanks.

How much 'looking after' do you think your DB is suggesting OP?

Is your niece in nursery or with a childminder at the moment?

The odd but of baby sitting - lovely. Even an afternoon every few weeks. A full day a week or more....Not a chance!

“There’s no chance I can do it regularly. If you’ve a special event and need a couple hours babysitting every few months then of course I’d help out.”

If he asks why, tell him you don’t want the tie, nor the hard work. Don’t be apologetic and talk about responsibility and anxiety-those are things he can have an answer for, and “reassure” you about. But “don’t want the tie or the hard work”.

Don't do it and do not feel guilty about saying no. Tell him you love your niece but with the massive rise in cost of living you have to be sensible and increase your work hours so couldn't commit to having her on a regular basis.

He's being bloody cheeky. If he says it's not about money - it is if your time is tied up doing free child care but you can't pay your bills.

I agree with this. Because there would be emotional ties involved so you'd all fall out if it didn't work or if you realised it wasn't a job you felt you could do well. Or if he 'forgot' to pay you or started dropping her earlier picking her up later etc etc.

You haven't got kids of your own
You won't be paid
You want to increase your hours at work

There's 3 very good reasons why you should say no.

Erm, no then

Fuck off if you want to be blunt

What does he mean by 'regular basis'?

Erm, no you don't want to be tied to spending your days off at home looking after someone else's kid. And having your child free home full of plastic crap. Or going to their house. Neither is appealing!

And I say this as the mother of two small children who would hugely benefit from an arrangement like this. I just wouldn't ask. Especially from a young person - you have plenty of time for a house full of toys, mums and toddler groups, softplay and school runs if you decide you want children. And if you don't want children even more reason not to take responsibility for someone else's.

Also, from reading threads on here once you start doing childcare for someone they can get really arsey with you when you then can't do it. Like if you want to do more hours or go for a weekend away. By that stage they've got the notion that the child is your responsibility on 'your' days and not there's and will get pissed off at you for wanting to live your life.

Just say no you can't commit as you'll be getting more hours at work.
It's awful it's making you anxious.
Say you're happy to babysit occasionally if they want to go out (if you're happy to do that).

He's taking the piss and trying to make you feel back.
It very clearly is about the money because he's not going to pay you!

If you were home with your own kids anyway and he paid you something it might be different but that's not the situation here.

I would explain that you're increasing your house so will have less available time.
You'd be happy to have her for a very occasional day if you're free.

If you would consider something more regular tell him he has to pay you as that would be a day you could work. If it's not about the money, he won't mind will he!

If it's not about the money, then why is he asking you to do it for free instead of sending his dd to a nursery or paying a childminder? Are he and the child's mother together, or is it that he wants to offload the poor kid onto family when it's his turn to look after her?

Just say no.

Otherwise, if you say yes, all of a sudden you will find that you are looking after her far more often than you want to, and childcare will somehow magically become your responsibility instead of the parents'.

Childcare is expensive-he knows this. What a cheek!

Does he have form for taking the piss?

Do not agree to this, not even for one day a week!
Your brother is a HUGE CF

Deal with your anxiety. That will help you in the future.