Page 3 | Retorts please to rude man in restaurant

SK82 · 2022-06-11T12:16:13+00:00

I never eat out. I am a carer and I am never cooked for. Today I enjoyed some messy tacos in a restaurant and as I was wiping my mouth some bald headed man tells me I’ve missed a bit. I feel so cross at him trying to make me self conscious at enjoying a rare treat. He is sitting with two women. He has a loud voice. What can I say before I leave to put him in his place?

dudsville · 12/06/2022 08:19

Whether or not he was trying to make you feel self conscious is not clear, but you feeling self couscous is. Sometimes a witty retort is well placed, other times saying and don't nothing is fine too. You'll be strengthened by allowing other people's behaviour reflect on them and not you. People may try to offend me, but whether or not I'm offended is down to me.

orbitalcrisis · 12/06/2022 08:25

If you had missed a bit I'd say thank you. If he was trying to be sociable and light-hearted I'm sure he's sorry he mistook you for someone who might enjoy the interaction.

Tipsyturvychocolatemonster · 12/06/2022 08:26

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 12/06/2022 08:15

That's not banter or normal (ie goodheated) social interaction. That's negging. It's common and it chips away at you. However, not much point in responding unless you can instantly come out with something like 'thanks for your unsolicited opinion, random man' which feels so rude it's really uncomfortable anyway. I don't suppose you have the ability to act well enough to make yourself burst into tears with noisy sobs on the spot, do you? That might work quite well.

Wtaf? That’s so over the top. Do people actually behave like this? I am assuming you do that’s why you think it’s a valid suggestion?

emuloc · 12/06/2022 08:36

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 12/06/2022 08:15

That's not banter or normal (ie goodheated) social interaction. That's negging. It's common and it chips away at you. However, not much point in responding unless you can instantly come out with something like 'thanks for your unsolicited opinion, random man' which feels so rude it's really uncomfortable anyway. I don't suppose you have the ability to act well enough to make yourself burst into tears with noisy sobs on the spot, do you? That might work quite well.

Yeah that's right, turn on the helpless woman tears, that is really helpful🙄

Cactusprick · 12/06/2022 08:42

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 12/06/2022 08:15

That's not banter or normal (ie goodheated) social interaction. That's negging. It's common and it chips away at you. However, not much point in responding unless you can instantly come out with something like 'thanks for your unsolicited opinion, random man' which feels so rude it's really uncomfortable anyway. I don't suppose you have the ability to act well enough to make yourself burst into tears with noisy sobs on the spot, do you? That might work quite well.

Why would she need to fake sob? Why pretend to be more upset than you already are? So weird.

I cannot fathom how anyone can be so upset by this. I think perhaps it shows that you do need to get out more OP. The guy was probably just expecting you to laugh back. I think you need to asses his intention. You can’t genuinely believe he was trying to upset you.

OverEggedPudding · 12/06/2022 08:45

Oh, and you missed a bit there luv (points to bald head)

OverEggedPudding · 12/06/2022 08:46

I am waiting for an opportunity to say "thanks random man"

DoloresMores · 12/06/2022 08:50

Some bizarre advice on this thread. Sounds like it was a daft joke, just move on.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 12/06/2022 08:55

Bloody hell, what the hell has happened that people are so touchy!?

If someone says "you've missed a bit" or points out I have food round my mouth, I always answer jokingly "thanks, I'm saving that for later" 😁Noone's hurt or offended, and we've both enjoyed the little social interraction with a stranger.

HopelesslyOptimistic · 12/06/2022 08:58

Say thanks.

Triffid1 · 12/06/2022 08:58

Oh for Pitys sake. This man inserted himself into Op's meal in and unwanted and unnecessary way. He would not have done that to a man eating alone. A woman would not have done it to anyone.

Op had every right to be annoyed. But there's always a huge crowd saying the woman's feelings are irrelevant because "banter"

Tipsyturvychocolatemonster · 12/06/2022 10:04

Triffid1 · 12/06/2022 08:58

Oh for Pitys sake. This man inserted himself into Op's meal in and unwanted and unnecessary way. He would not have done that to a man eating alone. A woman would not have done it to anyone.

Op had every right to be annoyed. But there's always a huge crowd saying the woman's feelings are irrelevant because "banter"

For goodness sake what an over reaction. He told her she’d some food on her mouth. The way you are writing you’d think he sat at her table and ate her food.

ofwarren · 12/06/2022 15:18

Is the "you've missed a bit" saying regional then?
I'm not understanding those posters who think it's offensive.
It's said to people painting walls, mopping floors, cutting grass etc where I'm from, along with "you can come and do mine later on".
Totally, totally normal interaction where I live in a working class area of the North West.

Stompythedinosaur · 12/06/2022 15:24

I get "you've missed a bit" in the context of painting a wall etc. I think a men making uninvited comments to women about their appearance is part of the misogyny of society and a subtle way to keep women in their place.

Personally I'd roll my eyes and leave it at that, but I certainly wouldn't feel forced into being polite when he was being rude.

NotTheWomanIWas · 12/06/2022 15:24

Pennox · 11/06/2022 13:20

Are you on your own?

I think that's incredibly rude of him. Are you leaving before them?

If you're not alone point at him amd laugh with the person you're with. Get them to turn round, stare at him and burst out laughing.

If you're alone it's trickier.

Don't do this 🙄

LetitiaLeghorn · 12/06/2022 15:31

He would not have done that to a man eating alone. A woman would not have done it to* anyone.

I'm a woman and I make comments to strangers. I'm from the North West. Maybe we're more convivial than other regions.

CandyLeBonBon · 12/06/2022 16:22

Maybe you just actually missed a bit and he was trying to save you some embarrassment- or he was just trying to be funny and failed! Either way it's not worth the headspace you're giving it!

Not understanding the relevance of your job or how often you eat out either really!

Enjoy the rest of you day and move on!