To know I’m going to waste my two days holiday

[checkedcloth]

I have zero motivation. I’ve got two days off work which I need so much as I am so tired. But yet my mindset is setting it up to be such a waste.

it’ll be mostly doing school runs and supermarket shopping etc.

I feel so fed up that I have nothing planned for myself, but yet I’d be wrecked with guilt if I did as I haven’t got much spare cash at all.

Im menopausal, and am hating this side of me that fails to see any joy and is paralysed to do anything.

essentially I just feel so bloody sorry for myself, I hate it.

but I need to address that all - and stop being the martyr.

Please can you stop calling yourself a martyr. Your reaction to the imbalance is not unreasonable but I feel as though by calling yourself a martyr you think that your feelings about the situation are the problem rather than the actual issues at play here.

'DH, I love my job, I'm pleased that my salary has helped us to afford this house. The situation as it currently stands is not sustainable. If all my life is is working hard and you begrudge me spending a bit of money on myself on a day off then this doesn't work for me. The rate of resignations due to burnout in NHS staff at the moment is xx% (look this up - I saw a statistic somewhere recently). I want to make sure that I'm not one of them. Please can we sit down together and look at our finances as a joint responsibility and work out where we can find £50 a month for me to have some disposable income for myself and a day a month as a minimum for me to recharge my batteries. If you're not willing to have this conversation then I think I'd be better off on my own'.

... because you would be better off on your own than have someone make you feel bad for spending a bit on yourself.

Or you have a much shorter conversation with your DH " DH I need HRT for my health, and because of my extremely long working hours, I'm forced to buy my lunch out. Going forward I'm going to use the joint account to pay for both of those to make equal so I have money like you to save up for things that give me pleasure.
If we can't afford that then we each need to reduce our solo spending money per month. "