We're friends with a family living in another European country who have DSs the same age as ours. The oldest two are 15 and we'd talked to them about visiting the other family when they got old enough. My friend asked a few months back if her DS could come and stay for 10 days to improve his English. It's in school time, so the plan was for him to go to school with DS1. They speak each other's languages to a good level. Fine, I said, didn't think it was a big deal.
When I told DS1 it turned out that it is a big deal. The boy came to school 4 years ago for one morning, and apparently DS1 was teased for ages by his friends about having a foreign pal. I didn't know anything about this. DS1 refused point blank to go to school with him and stopped speaking to me and DH for a week (until we made clear that this was not ok).
I was a bit stuck, didn't want to go back on what I'd promised my friend. Having the boy in the holidays not an option - partly our friends' dates but also DS1 refused to go anywhere with this boy and his mates so boy would have been kicking his heels while DH and I were working. So I came up with a compromise: the school teaches the boy's language so I arranged with the school that the boy could go to those classes as a language assistant - it would give him something to do and he wouldn't be trailing round DS1's classes with him. We have activities planned for the weekends. But now the visit is getting closer DS1 has kicked off again, refusing to speak to us or engage with the boy.
I want DS1 to be welcoming and friendly, same as for any guest, but he can't see past that morning 4 years ago. What can I do?