Pamper parties..... for five year olds!!!

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Just received a party invite for DD via WhatsApp - for a pamper party. 🤢 AIBU to think this is a horrible concept generally, and particularly vile for five year old girls?! Must we indoctrinate them into this male-gaze, beauty standards bullshit before they're even out of infant school?
😭

I think they’re grim as fuck but I don’t have a daughter so apparently this makes me unqualified to comment on them according to friends IRL 🙄.

And the notion that this doesn’t start the female obsession with our looks is utter nonsense. Of course it does.

How many boys get invited to these sort of parties?

5 is definitely too young. My DD just had one for her 11th. For the record it was not vile...what is vile about having a face pack, nails and toe nails painted, a party game and hot chocolate?!

I'm assuming from what you've said that it's only girls invited and I think 5 is quite young for gendered parties. When they're 7 or 8, that may happen naturally but 5 is young to start!

But see, this is my point. I don't think it happens "naturally" at 7/8. I think the preceding years of social influence create it. People start doing it, then when the kids absorb what they're shown people say "oh look, but they just naturally gravitate towards this stuff!" One party isn't going to make a massive amount of difference. Just feels like another front to have to fight on! 😒

I don't see anything wrong with a bit of glitter and nail polish, bubbly foot spas and mocktails, I just think that there are so many more ideas for parties that would be far more age appropriate (and much more fun) for five year olds. Pamper parties would be a much better idea for 8/9/10yr olds, when they are starting to outgrow the soft play, bouncy castle, entertainer type parties.

It's absolutely repellent. It's teaching little girls that fussing over their appearance is fun and recreational and encouraging them to ape adult behaviours which aren't age-appropriate. Swimming, soft play, a cinema trip, a bouncy castle or even just playing in the garden - there are so many more wholesome activities they could be doing. If you want face painting, why not just have a fancy dress party?

(Although my visceral distaste probably derives mostly from the word 'pamper. Yeuchh.)

But see, this is my point. I don't think it happens "naturally" at 7/8. I think the preceding years of social influence create it. People start doing it, then when the kids absorb what they're shown people say "oh look, but they just naturally gravitate towards this stuff!" One party isn't going to make a massive amount of difference.

So your issue isn't this: indoctrinate them into this male-gaze, beauty standards bullshit , it's that the boys aren't also invited and doing the pamper party?

I think there's a lot in what you're saying but there's also a difference between giving in and actively promoting. At 8, you might 'give in' to a girl's only party (which is requested as a result of societal influences). At 5, I think I would be actively promoting gender differences if I had a "Diggers and Mud" party in the garden for my DS and only invited boys.

I feel guilty enough my 2 year old is copying me putting my tinted lipbalm on in the morning

So many people missing the point.
Some children don't like soft play, they don't like swimming, whatever other activity that YOU think is fun thats been detailed here.
Why does anyone get to decide what is fun or not on someone else's behalf, in the rush to prove that you're so progressive.
Sure, invite boys and girls, no reason boys should miss out on the fun if that's what they like to do. That's the problem here, not the party itself. People like the op and others agreeing with her, are turning this activity in to a negative thing. It's the age old dripping narrative - boys stuff is cool, girls stuff is shit. Boys don't want to do it BECAUSE people sneer. That's the problem. Rather than piss on things only girls get to do, encourage the boys to join in should they wish.
If the kid wants to do it, let them do it, let anyone who wants to join in.

I don't think a child should be forced to invite boys if they don't want to just becuase they are boys

Fucking hell all of you saying how vile it is - it's not as though they're being take to an orgy or pole dancing lessons is it
My 5 year old would love a pamper party. I can't see the issue, you're being told in advance what it is, if you don't want your child to go then decline the invite.

I don't think a child should be forced to invite boys if they don't want to just becuase they are boys

I agree @WooNoodle but there is probably another question to be raised as to why a child would only feel it appropriate/ right to invite girls. At that age children haven't separated their friendship groups and are likely to be equally close with either sex. If they see socially constructed barriers at that age, I don't think it is right.

DD went to something similar recently. I thought it was age appropriate. Party games and dancing with a "princess", some crafting, then nails and a glitter tattoo followed by a party tea.

There weren't any boys but DD had a soft play party and initially didn't want boys there.

I understand your reservations but the one I was at was done well.

My dd had a pamper birthday party here when she was about 8 or 9. They were asked to bring their own make-up and some brought the real thing, others brought the toy version. They made hair grips, did each other's nails and plaited their hair, and poor DH was commandeered as a 'model'. He had to sit there while they put make-up and nail varnish on him (and glittery stuff in his hair). There was much hilarity all round.

No boys were invited because dd had reached the 'yuk boys, ugh' stage by then.

My daughter had one when she was 6-7 it was making your own face masks from chocolate & halloumi. Chocolate fountains, Karaoke, picture props. They had buckets to soak their feet in etc. It was actually a really good afternoon and the kids loved it including the boys. Heaven forbid a young girl loves things like that.

What's it got to do with men? Ffs

I know where you're coming from and I can feel a bit ick when my 5yr old asks to put some make up on or paint her nails. But it's all fun roll play to her. I'd be more bothered about a nerf gun party.