Pamper parties..... for five year olds!!!

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Just received a party invite for DD via WhatsApp - for a pamper party. 🤢 AIBU to think this is a horrible concept generally, and particularly vile for five year old girls?! Must we indoctrinate them into this male-gaze, beauty standards bullshit before they're even out of infant school?
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My 5 year old would love this. She loves a face mask, a bath bomb, having her nails painted, a shoulder massage. Especially after a few days of play areas, swimming, the park etc. it relaxes and chills her out. Pampering doesn’t have to be a full face of make up, hair done and little skirts to impress a man and I very much doubt that is the parents intention. I imagine it will be face masks, nail painting and movie and popcorn. I really can’t see the problem. I think it teaches them self-care from a young age and that not being ‘go, go, go’ all the time is a bad thing.

Because we only teach women to "look after themselves" this way

I am doing my best to teach DS to look after himself. I don't see why it should just be women and in particular, routine application of a moisturising sun block is something I'd like to see as completely standard for men and women, similarly the use of decent conditioner for their hair. Both my father and Dh have always made an effort to be well groomed - clean, short nails, hair, beard/shaving etc and it's something I appreciate.

I don't think it's vile at all, assuming it's not a tutorial on how to apply fake eye lashes or whatever. But kids of that age - boys and girls - love a glitter tattoo, getting nails done etc. DD loves doing a facemark with me.

DD made bath bombs at her party of both boys and girls. They all had a blast, mixed in glitter and different scents and then took them home and used them. The only obvious gender difference is that the girls ALL chose pink and the boys all chose blue!

But then isn’t the issue that enough people don’t teach their boys that it is ok to take care of themselves?

ds goes to a class each week which teaches him relaxation and other self care/coping strategies. It is just as important for boys to look after themselves as girls.

YANBU. If paren ta want to spend money on a kid's party, what's wrong with a good old softplay hire ?

Bet there aren't any boys invited too...

My DD was invited to one of these when she was about that age - they all had make-up put on them and had to strut down a catwalk in feather boas in front of the parents at the end. She looked utterly bemused by the whole thing. To be fair, there were quite a few boys taking part too who were also strutting - they'd had fake beards and moustaches painted on them. It was so odd, but I wasn't about to exclude DD from her friend's party.

I wouldn't make it about "why are there no boys". I'd make it a "why is this what we are teaching our girls'

It depends what’s involved. I took my DD’s for a pamper party which was just hand and foot massage, nail painting and an afternoon tea at a children’s spa and it was wonderful. Preferred it to the soft play ones. I found it more sad when DD’s friend turned up for DD’s swimming party wearing blusher, lipstick and eyeshadow aged 8 to be honest.

I am doing my best to teach DS to look after himself. I don't see why it should just be women and in particular, routine application of a moisturising sun block is something I'd like to see as completely standard for men and women, similarly the use of decent conditioner for their hair. Both my father and Dh have always made an effort to be well groomed - clean, short nails, hair, beard/shaving etc and it's something I appreciate.

Right. But I'm pretty confident they won't be teaching them about SPF and ordinary cleansing products.

The people who think.im overreacting seem to have stuck around on this thread more than the handful at the beginning who said "yup, vile" but everyone's effort to frame it as "self-care" and point out that plenty of boys would enjoy a glitter tattoo doesn't really change the fact that it's only women and girls who are taught that self-care = "pampering". It feels like this is where it starts!

I'm not so strident that I'm going to stop her going but my reservations remain fully intact.

Off to go and bubble-bath my way out of patriarchal oppression now. 😁

Surely most 5 year olds would prefer running round a soft play or playing party games in a village hall than doing "self-care", relaxation, guided meditation....it just doesn't sound much fun to me.

Your original post was about male gaze/ beauty standards - which I think most people have pointed out that's not what's happening at these sort of parties.

I do understand the point that this idea that it's only girls who should do self care = pampering and that it's a slippery slope to "must be polished and buffed at all times". But I don't think refusing to allow little girls to do this stuff is the solution. The solution is to change the perception - so a) it can be little girls AND little boys b) if you enjoy the sensation and time it takes to do this, go ahead and enjoy it but you don't have to (girl or boy), c) encourage both girls and boys to learn how to have basic self care.

I don't really get the issue? If they were dolling up 5 year olds and taking them out for the night then fair enough. It's literally just a party for a group of kids who get to play with make up and have fun. My 5 year old loves having little pamper times with me as it's just the same as playing, which is how she sees it.

I'm not so strident that I'm going to stop her going but my reservations remain fully intact. you must be the change you wish to see in the world

Right. But I'm pretty confident they won't be teaching them about SPF and ordinary cleansing products.

Also, I really wish they would! I'm like a one-woman drone on this stuff, to both DD and DS! I'd love it if a few more people got in on the act.

On plus side, DS now sees conditioner as a basic and normal part of washing his hair. I consider this a major win side eyes my brothers who have ridiculous course mops of hair

My 35 year old DH likes a bubble bath. His favourite is the bright pink lush comforter bubblebar. It smells good 🤷🏻‍♀️ When he's stressed out he'll spend an hour in the bath watching YouTube videos. Occasionally he uses my hair masks when I leave them laying around. I don't think he'd be embarrassed to say it to anyone.

He doesn't have the same elaborate skincare routine that I do, just cleanse and moisturise but that's because he doesn't have acne and fluctuating hormones.

Yeah I would definitely swerve that one op and vote with my feet. Other plans that day…go play in a wood or something. Have teen girls myself now - plenty of time for make up and prancing about only a few short years of childhood make the most of it

But I don't think refusing to allow little girls to do this stuff is the solution. The solution is to change the perception - so a) it can be little girls AND little boys b) if you enjoy the sensation and time it takes to do this, go ahead and enjoy it but you don't have to (girl or boy), c) encourage both girls and boys to learn how to have basic self care.

Yep. This. If this was what was happening, I would have no objection. But all I'm seeing at time of writing is the separation of pamper parties firmly as being "for girls". Maybe one day soon....

If you've already accepted then there's not much you can do. I don't think a discussion about it being a pamper party and only girls being invited with your daughter is the greatest idea because at the moment it's a one off. It might just be that this particular five year old girl really enjoys doing these things and also mainly plays with girls, so her parents have come up with a party around things she enjoys and invited her friends. I think I'd broach the subject without mentioning the party specifically. But I'm actually quite crap at this sort of thing and always go in too heavy. My teenage son might roll his eyes so hard they roll right out of his head one of these days. And I always think I'm being so chilled and just slipping little things in there :D

I feel you! I don't want to spoil anything for anybody - just plant a questioning seed.... Perhaps need to see what's actually involved before I say anything at all!

That was meant to be @Plet . Cannot work phones. 🤦‍♀️

Im sorry, i have no idea what would be wrong with a "pamper party" 🤨
I regularly enjoy a pamper night, doing my nails, moisturising, the occasional spa day, treating myself and my body to feel nice.
It's hardly taking 5 year old for a make over and a night on the town, is it?

Ok this kind of "pamper" party would have me rolling my eyes. I'd understand a parent objecting to that.

These 5 year olds must be better-behaved than my 5 yo! I dread to think what his friends (both boys and girls) would do if given free reign around a lot of sparkly coloured nail polish and other products. Probably start making 'potions' and get them all over the carpet 😄!

I don't think it's an awful idea and there are ways to do which focus more on the 'self-care' than beauty aspect, and which make it gender-neutral, but I wouldn't be very fond of what you've described for two reasons. The first is that I'm assuming from what you've said that it's only girls invited and I think 5 is quite young for gendered parties. When they're 7 or 8, that may happen naturally but 5 is young to start! The second is that I prefer parties where they all run around until they drop, and then you scrape them off the floor and take them home completely worn out. But that's just personal preference on my part.

Didn't you all liked a bit of nail polish and lipstick etc as a 5 year old girl? Children's make up kit and little compact with mirror?
I did, and loved it when my aunty who was a beautician did some nails and make up for me for fun.
I don't think it's for everyone, but whoever hosting must love it. So I see no problem with this at all, and if you don't like the idea, you can always decline.

No way would I send any child of mine to a pamper party.