Attitudes toward those on benefits disheartening.

[AWizardsSleeve]

I am chronically ill; I worked and paid in to the system for years before becoming too poorly to work. The condition I have causes crippling fatigue; it’s not tiredness, it’s debilitating, life limiting fatigue.

The recent announcement of the cost of living help for low income families has brought out the worst in people and frankly, makes me feel worthless. I’ve stopped reading the comments sections in the media as it makes me feel like trash.

From family and friends, I’ve had remarks such as: “I work hard for what I’ve got and there’s you being paid to watch TV”. Said in a lighthearted way of course

“It’s wrong how hard working people get nothing and those that don’t, get it all handed to them. Oh but I’m not talking about you.” Yes, you are.

“I know someone who has 4 missing limbs and they still have a job, why can’t you work?”. When I’ve tried to explain that fatigue can be a huge barrier to work, I get told about another inspirational person and if I really wanted to, I could.

My own sister threatened to report me for benefit fraud (jokingly of course) . I told her to go ahead as I have nothing to hide.

Family call me the ‘benefit expert’ and it’s so hurtful. I have never told them that I receive benefits but they assume and bring it up every time I see them.

I’ve lost any chance of a career and I spend my days in pain and exhausted. I dread the week as I’m so bored being stuck at home. I do also try to live life as I have children but heaven forbid if I take them on a day out, because it means I’m not truly unwell (they don’t understand the suffering I go through after).

I told my other sister I was being referred for more testing and she rolled her eyes and said “what’s wrong with you now?”. I rarely talk about my illness because family don’t understand it and are very unsupportive. I had to hold back tears and make an excuse to leave.

I cringe when doctors ask me about my occupation and I’m so embarrassed to say I don’t work. I hate this. I hate every second of it and the attitudes of people make it worse.

I’ve had to fight the system repeatedly in spite of medical evidence to get financial support. The fear of it being removed every few years and wondering how I will survive in old age keeps me awake at night.

Do people really believe people choose to live with this worry and the shame that comes with it? I feel so disheartened and upset today.

That's horrible that people have that attitude. People generally don't have a clue about chronic illness unless it directly affects them.

Don't feel bad, you worked when you could and now you need to focus on your health.

Sending you lots of love

Yes my 16 year old had to suffer a barrage of abuse similar to this from her boyfriends step dad this week. She has panic disorder but he basically told her she was making it up to get disability payments. She's desperate to be like any other 16 year old. It makes me seeth.

They are targeting the wrong people unfortunately.

It's the layabouts who have no intention of ever working that spoil it for the genuine folk who can't work.

The worst comments I get are from my own family, manly my mother. I am a carer to 2 disabled teens, one needs 1:1 all the time when at home, I’m a single parent and I have no one to care for her during school holidays or when she’s sick (which is often), yet apparently I should be looking for full time work as I’m a scrounger relying on benefits.

People just don’t like the fact that some people don’t work and get benefits instead, what they don’t realise is it’s not easy to prove you need benefits, not anyone can get them.

I would love to work full time but no one offers to help me care for my dc2 and I wouldn’t trust them to care for them anyway due to their high needs.

ignore them OP, concentrate on your health x

I think your family sound bloody awful. Can you find support elsewhere?

Abd don’t read the comments, nothing to be gained there.

This is a brutal take on it but what do these people add to your life? Is it enough to balance out these horrible comments? Living with a disability is difficult enough without you having to face those sort of comments from those who should care about you most.

Perhaps they need a zero tolerance approach. When the jibes start, tell them how offensive they are being, and either leave or ask them to leave. They don’t seem to understand (or care?) about the impact on you, but you don’t have to tolerate them, put yourself and your feelings first.

Benefits are hard to get. I don't begrudge people who need them one bit. Benefit fraud is a drop in the ocean compared to tax evasion and corruption in this country. I am sorry you have so much to put up with.

I hear you, OP. I can't work due to MH issues. Yet, I get told that if I can post on MN, I can hold down a job! Bollocks.
Living on benefits is not easy. We are on shit money, and face it being taken away at any second. It is an awful way to live.

As a foreigner, I think people in UK are blessed. I have a dc with chronic illness, and I don't have to pay for his medical needs. But don't get me wrong, he has a British father so he is as British as any other children, and we are not on benefits, so I think he deserve the same treatment as any other children in UK.
Just think of the blessing you have, In different country, you may not be living the same life, could be crippled with medical debts.
I know it's hard to ignore stupid comments, but think of the positives rather than negatives. After all, that's all we can do.

It is saddening to see others experience such ignorance.

@grapehyacinthisactuallyblue I agree we are fortunate to have a welfare system in this country, however, it’s not what my post is about. I’m sure you mean well but there are no positives to be taken from the abuse people in the U.K. receive for being on the very welfare system we are lucky to have.

I agree with everything you say. I worked for 27 years until I was too ill to carry on, with hindsight I should have finished earlier but I just couldn't afford to. I still get digs from my mum if I happen to say that my brother isn't pulling his weight in things like looking our for her & all I get is "but he works" When I was working I had a disabled husband & a child but I still did what I could. When I was married my exsil kicked off that instead of claiming benefits I could work longer hours, I was working, doing all school runs, looking after the home, I was disabled as well & called me a scrounger & said she was working to pay my benefits, she never spoke to me again after that & caused my exh & his brother to fall out for many years.

What they don't see is the degrading assessment process, the awful face to face assessments you have to go through when you know the assessor will lie through their teeth to try to get your kicked off. They don't go through the appeals & reviews, the fear every time something drops through the letter box that it could be a brown envelope with a letter stopping your benefit or another form to fill in. Benefits aren't a lifestyle choice & 99% of people on them would rather have their health & self respect than be on them.

Attitudes towards those on benefits in the UK are shocking. There seems to be somthing toxic in a large subset of British people that wants to look down on people and shame them. It's very sad. For what it's worth I don't begrudge you a penny of the taxes I pay. I have a DD with fibromyalgia - she's only 19, has a number of other conditions and is now a wheelchair user. I fear for her future.

Unfortunately you will forever face this, in part because we have created a system where those he can't be bothered or are too lazy to work get benefits and on top of that make it too easy for people to fraudulently claim benefits due to ailments or injury. As a result those who genuinely suffer are unfairly tarnished.

Surely your attitude is part of the problem.
You think there are people that are just too lazy to work, or are somehow faking illness/injury.

Exactly, people rarely get away with being lazy and claiming benefits, if your fit for work your are forced to apply for work in order to claim job seekers (which is hardly anything btw), if you are injured /disabled you have to prove that you’re unable to work, they don’t just dish money out to someone who fakes a limp 🙄

I had similar attitudes as I don’t work due to disabled dc. Rather than support me I had a group of ‘professionals’ get together and decide we had ‘too many medical issues for one family ‘ ( absolute dicks tbh as most of the conditions were genetic). They decided to put together their ‘evidence’ (gossip and opinion) and sent it to the dwp to try and strip my dc of dla and accused me of FII…..

They even write how I misappropriated funds for dc (luckily I had ALl my receipts) plus alleged I deliberately isolated my dc from peers and social opportunities (I then provided receipts for all the out of school activities they attended- cubs, dance, brownies, art club, cookery club, sewing club)

One whole paragraph in their report / chronology basically said I was lazy and using the dla to find my non working lifestyle and that the nursery manager noted that ‘on a few occasions’ I’d been seen to have a Costa coffee and bag with food in so I have to assume they decided those not working aren’t allowed to get Costa ever and that I was lazy for doing so. It nearly destroyed me finding out what everyone thought of me. I’m far from lazy

*fund

Do people really believe people choose to live with this worry and the shame that comes with it? I feel so disheartened and upset today.

Some people choose not to work, have no intention of ever getting a job and have never had a job - despite being perfectly able to.
These people exist and they are wrecking the system for the people it was set up to help and support. Your family/ friends are picking on totally the wrong person.
I have absolutely no issue with people claiming benefits if they genuinely cannot work. What decent person would?
Sadly there are too many people for whom it is a lifestyle choice and this should be stopped.
How, I don’t know.

JustALatte I often feel guilty for spending anything on myself, mainly because of what others think, people think I’m living a great life on my DC’s disability money, driving around a new mobility car etc.., I feel I’m not allowed to spend money on myself or have a holiday. What they don’t see is how lonely it is, or how little sleep I get, the hours i spend on the phone, emailing, filling out forms, going to hospital/physio appointments, cleaning sh#t off the wall. No one’s sees that because they don’t live my life, they just judge.

People who have never held down a job are not going to find it easy to just find employment. There will be many barriers they face, and the Job Centre wont help with them. So, what then? Stop their money? They will end up starving and homeless.
Under UC and the rules about commitments, you can't just opt to not work as a lifestyle choice. This is a huge myth and it needs to die a death tbh.

This is precisely it ! Those days I’d got coffee were days after a night of no sleep. She had no idea she was hateful she would snap at me if I was slightly late and then judging me. If I tried to let her know any issues I was told that the dc ‘looked fine’ and really dismissed. She told so many lies about me she was absolutely hateful.
plus side is her nursery had to close a few months ago as they ended up with only a few children there and it seems she managed to put everyone off.

i just remembered feeling like I was doing my best but constantly looked down on and judged

Surely your attitude is part of the problem.
You think there are people that are just too lazy to work, or are somehow faking illness/injury.

If people defrauding the system don’t exist, why is there an entire government department set up to deal with benefit fraud?
(The Department for Work and Pensions Fraud and Error Service)

I hear you OP. I have three jobs, am disabled, and claim 'in work' and disability benefits. But I still feel guilty for claiming because, you know, slacker!