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Original poster

I hate being an introvert

27 replies

TickledOnion · 04/06/2022 20:22

Does anyone else feel like this? I’ve spent 3 hours at a street/family party and have had to leave as I just couldn’t take any more even though everyone was perfectly nice and friendly. I feel like such a loser. I pretended to have stuff to do so I could get away. I really wanted to enjoy it and I had a good go at chatting to people but I feel like they find me boring and awkward.
I wish I didn’t feel this way. I don’t really have any good friends and though I am very happy being on my own I would like to have people over and host social stuff.
Just feel a bit pathetic today.

OP posts:
42isthemeaning · 04/06/2022 20:38

3 hours is amazing (and tiring)! Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure you came across as lovely, but, as I'm sure you know already, most people tend to worry about themselves too much to think about what others are doing or saying!
Maybe you could invite a couple of people over to your house sometime for a coffee? I find that 3 is easier as it takes the intensity out of it being just two of you.
I do sympathise with you as I dread socialising, even though I'm pretty good at making small talk according to my dh! I worry about what others think, but logically I realise that it's unlikely that they think anything much and even if they do, it doesn't really matter.

User135644 · 04/06/2022 20:44

I'm feeling like this lately.

The lockdowns seem to have made it worse. I really struggle to enjoy socialising anymore, I just want to get home when i'm in the company of others, after a short period of time.

orwellwasright · 04/06/2022 20:49

Don't be so hard on yourself. I love being an introvert. I have this inner resource and strength and know that I can always amuse myself and soothe myself without the need for anyone else.

I'm not surprised you're feeling flat..you've just done three hours in company! You need to recharge and refind your equilibrium.

Introverts rock 💪🏻

Darktimes35 · 04/06/2022 20:50

I’m like this. I’m not very good with people as I’m constantly thinking about what I’m saying, what my face is saying, making sure I’m saying the right thing. It’s exhausting. I’m also not good with people I don’t know. My husband is a massive extrovert which makes me feel a bit crap. I think I come across as quite aloof even though I don’t mean to.

Well done for going though 🙂

sjxoxo · 04/06/2022 20:51

Are you socialising because you want to, or because you feel you ‘should’.. I suspect the latter! We are all born alone and die alone on this earth- socialise if you want to but you don’t need to go far enough that you are miserable doing it. I think extroverts have made us introverts feel a bit abnormal and it’s not true- you do you & don’t feel guilty. You went, had a nice time, came home- some people can be so chatty an excuse is the only way to escape hours of chitchat. You’re too hard on yourself xo

timeforchange2022 · 04/06/2022 20:53

I am exactly the same. There was a street party where I live, but I made other plans as I knew I wouldn't be able to relax, socialise and enjoy it (despite really wanting to be able to). Most of the time I'm completely happy being a total introvert and fill my life with what makes me happy, but sometimes I do feel that I'd like to be more sociable and that I do miss out.

SageMist · 04/06/2022 20:59

I am a life long introvert, I'm 61, and happy in my own skin now. Though it took a while to realise it's ok being an introvert. I have a couple of close friends I see separately every couple of weeks, but I can really only cope with about an hour and a half in their company. I can't imagine managing to spend 3 hours at a get together of any sort. So that's pretty impressive.

Original poster
TickledOnion · 04/06/2022 21:02

Thanks for all being so kind. I felt
silly leaving after 3 hours but maybe it’s not that bad.
I really want to socialise. I like cooking and would love to have people over to cook for. I quite happy 1 to 1 so I might start with inviting people over for coffee.

OP posts:
Oldfilmsareshit · 04/06/2022 21:04

Feeling awkward and like you’re boring isn’t introversion. It’s more like social anxiety which you can get help for.

introverted people don’t feel like this, it just means you get your energy from being alone rather than from other people

CthulhuInDisguise · 04/06/2022 21:06

I hate it too. My boyfriend is an extrovert and will strike up conversations with anyone, and if we are away together will make plans to visit friends who live nearby. Its exhausting, sometimes I just want to be with him chilling with a drink, not constantly "on" and being charming. He sees me managing this, and doesn't understand that I find it stressful - I am lonely and have few friends myself so he thinks that introducing me to his friends is helping me widen my circle. Its sweet but sometimes annoying.

Belovedfool · 04/06/2022 21:07

I love being an introvert. I love my friends but am truly happy alone, reading, making things and just being me. You've done something really exhausting today so no wonder you're feeling flat. Extroverts are fab, I'm married to one, but we have our own strengths. Read "Quiet" by Susan Cain. There's nothing wrong with being a quiet person.

Wobblyjob · 04/06/2022 21:09

Oh.
you went to this thing?
you actually went?

WOW. You are a much better intro than I am. For me it would have been a straight NO.
Absolutely not. Torture, fucking torture.

That said, I’ve recently got my dream job. This job comes with social activities galore.
So I’ve pledged that I will embrace … erm, well.. people I suppose. People I don’t know. New people. Outgoing, chatty, gregarious extrovert people.
Im fucking exhausted ALL THE TIME.

I’ve zero in common with any of them, don’t know what to say to them, contribute nothing of any worth but I grit my teeth and get through the minutes until I can have silence and can breath.

I feel you OP, 100% I feel you!!

ofwarren · 04/06/2022 21:09

Oldfilmsareshit · 04/06/2022 21:04

Feeling awkward and like you’re boring isn’t introversion. It’s more like social anxiety which you can get help for.

introverted people don’t feel like this, it just means you get your energy from being alone rather than from other people

This
I'm an introvert (ASD too) and I just don't enjoy socialising and prefer to do things alone. This doesn't stress me out and I'm not worried by it.

mummabubs · 04/06/2022 21:10

Just wanted to wave (remotely!) and say I'm like this too. Right now DH is still outside at our street party, I'm on the sofa having a glass of wine to myself while our two young kids sleep upstairs. I can cope with small gatherings but 40+ people, 80% of whom I haven't met before is pretty overwhelming for me. They're all friendly and I did have an ok time but I was also quietly relieved to stay in. Nothing wrong with being OK with your own company, I'd say that's a strength. 😊 I'm definitely better one on one or in smaller groups, I've never needed a huge friendship group, where as DH is much more extroverted and happily throws himself into social situations.

orwellwasright · 04/06/2022 21:11

Oldfilmsareshit · 04/06/2022 21:04

Feeling awkward and like you’re boring isn’t introversion. It’s more like social anxiety which you can get help for.

introverted people don’t feel like this, it just means you get your energy from being alone rather than from other people

I'm not sure this is true. Although your description of introversion is accurate.

But there's so much pressure to enjoy socialising, that it's the absolute norm to have fun at parties that many many introverts come away feeling a bit lacking, particularly when younger.

It took me years to understand why I wasn't enjoying social stuff like this and that it was ok not to. Until then I felt awkward and I'm actually incredibly confident with no social anxiety at all. For example I adore public speaking.

BobbinThreadbare123 · 04/06/2022 21:12

I have ASD. I am introverted but I am not boring. I am frequently made to feel like I'm doing socialising incorrectly though. 3 hours is more than enough of other people, quite frankly!

Wobblyjob · 04/06/2022 21:17

Throw in that I’m not just an introvert with social anxiety but I don’t drink alcohol and I’m vegetarian…. Those things combined make me a bloody nightmare to tolerate at social events.

😳

Original poster
TickledOnion · 04/06/2022 21:18

I really don’t think it’s social anxiety. I’m quite good at chatting to complete strangers 1 to 1 for a short while. I just find groups physically and mentally exhausting.

OP posts:
Kezzie200 · 04/06/2022 21:19

I'm so like you. I tend to role play to get through it - then I over analyse when I get home and think everyone found me strange.

I wonder how many others at parties feel like us?

Original poster
TickledOnion · 04/06/2022 21:21

Just to make things worse I now have to go back to the party to pick up my DCs. 😬

OP posts:
RunningAlong · 04/06/2022 21:26

The difference between an introvert and an extrovert is simply an extrovert needs to be around people to recharge and an introvert needs to be alone to recharge. As an introvert myself I'm perfectly happy socialising and enjoy but I'll often manage this by taking time for myself before hand and then planning more alone time the next day.

SallyWD · 04/06/2022 22:04

3 hours is ages! I'd have stayed an hour. I'm an introvert and know my limits. The main thing is you turned up and socialised which is great. Just accept who you are. I'd have been exhausted after 3 hours at a street party.

kickingupdaisies · 04/06/2022 22:23

It's a huge benefit being happy in your own company. I know extroverts who are anxious about being on their own and not being busy enough or socialising enough or having enough friends as they hate loneliness. So look at the positives and build a few close bonds individually, I find groups much more full on and a struggle too

Original poster
TickledOnion · 04/06/2022 22:24

I survived the pick up. You’ve all made me feel a lot better for managing 3 hours. Coming home for a few hours in the middle really did recharge my batteries.

OP posts:
Wobblyjob · 08/06/2022 19:23

I hate being an introvert but I hate it more when people a twats about me being an introvert.

fucking people.

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