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Original poster

Has anyone successfully simplified their life

56 replies

User76745333 · 04/06/2022 10:23

By making fairly small changes?

Im sitting by a pool contemplating. Life is just too much at the moment. I work full time, live on a building site, have two teenagers, a dog, two cats, chickens - oh and a DH who works crazy hours. I’m menopausal and on hrt but still really struggling.

if you have successfully simplified your life how did you do it. Unfortunately cutting work hours isn’t possible (in fact I’ve just gone for a promotion)…

OP posts:
OneRingToRuleThemAll · 04/06/2022 10:25

I did it by paying off debt. It took years, but now I rarely shop for things I don't need and live well within my means.

It's so easy to get into debt and so difficult to get out that when I was on the other side my whole mindset shifted.

DeborahVance · 04/06/2022 10:31

I don't say yes to any invitation that I don't want to go to.

Also, and this makes me a bit sad, I don't always offer to take on things that I previously would have done, for example collections for club leaders etc. I have resigned myself to accepting that sometimes they won't happen, but it is just not always my responsibility.

I've also gradually loosened ties with people who I didn't particularly feel added anything to my life, parents who always wanted childcare but didn't reciprocate etc etc

Fere · 04/06/2022 10:32

after an informal diagnosis of ADHD and finding ADHD coach life is getting much easier, it is about decluttering ming for me, stopping getting engaged in things which were taking up mental space
obviously it's much more complex the steps I am taking but in essence simplifying my life is making huge difference

Interested in this thread?

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Menopause Women's health
DisplayPurposesOnly · 04/06/2022 10:34

Stayed single.

Bought small newish house that doesn't require major upkeep. (Bonus: mortgage paid off.)

Cleaner (fortnightly, for sitting room, bathroom and kitchen).

Food shopping online. Bulk deliveries of certain pet supplies.

Decent job, promoted to middle management so comfortable salary (especially for single person). Could progress but don't need money or stress. (Downside: coasting somewhat, but balanced by chosen hobbies.)

Socialising only by choice. (Naturally introverted, have kind friends and family, no peer pressure.)

DisplayPurposesOnly · 04/06/2022 10:35

@DeborahVance has a good list.

JanisMoplin · 04/06/2022 10:36

Also menopausal with 2 DC and a DH who works crazy hours
I don't have pets ( love them but not ready for the responsbility)
I don't bake ( do cook from scratch)
I live in a flat ( hate gardening and don't want the upkeep of a house)
I don't drink or v seldom
We don't have a car ( can afford one but much easier not to have one in London)
I realised experiences make me much happier than things so I rarely buy stuff and do stuff instead
I order everything online

Original poster
User76745333 · 04/06/2022 10:38

I think the socialising only when I want to and loosening ties with some people suggestions would make a big difference actually

OP posts:
Annflsle · 04/06/2022 10:40

I stopped talking to friends who weren’t actually friends. Life was lighter and easier, definitely recommend. But obviously don’t write people off either, just those who really aren’t friends at all and no scope to revive it.

DickVanDyke26 · 04/06/2022 10:42

First of all I would say do you want the promotion? I mean hand on heart actually want it or is it a case that you need more money?

I think a lot of the time we end up doing things that society expects of us but we need to think about what we actually really want and to be our authentic selves.

Original poster
User76745333 · 04/06/2022 11:07

Hmm, I actually do want the promotion. Bizarrely it’s a promotion in terms of status and hierarchy but it means less money. So it’s adding more financial strain not easing any financial pressure..

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 04/06/2022 11:10

I went part time and that significantly improved my life.
I say no from the off. No having to make up excuses to not do something I don’t want to do, just no. Let them be offended if they choose to be.
I get my shopping delivered.
Dumped all my friends on Facebook, I just use it to keep up with things I’m interested in.
And I only buy what I can afford. If I need credit to get it, it’s a no.

Bunty55 · 04/06/2022 11:13

I stopped dying my hair. What a bind that was !
I stopped ironing. Apart from the obvious electric use it has liberated me. No more piles of washing waiting to be ironed any more. I wonder how I found the time to do it tbh

KangarooKenny · 04/06/2022 11:17

I also stopped having highlights when mine grew out in lockdown. I actually like my natural colour more.

dudsville · 04/06/2022 11:20

The silliest thing to happen to me in recent years was New years 2019 when I sat down and made the consious decidion to simplify my life...I mean, I'm not saying I caused the pandemic per se... 😂

Anyway, I made the lifestyle choice to do less. I wanted more time with my partner and my close friends, time to do my hobbies which require me to have energy, and more time for my family. One of my measures for this was I didn't want to be relieved when something got cancelled, I didn't want to be fitting poeple in, I wanted to actively look forward to whatever I was doing. And then the pandemic happened and I learned that boredom was key to this. I needed to allow a little room to be bored. I learned that creativity and inspiration came out of boredom . Two + yrs on and I am happy. I have very little in my diary. I have the space in my life and my energy levels to be spontaneous. On the whole I feel well and balanced, I can't remember the last time I felt overwhemled and run down.

h0rsewithn0name · 04/06/2022 11:24

Once our mortgage was paid off, I moved to part time. Three days a week, so now I have control of all the essentials in the house and garden, I can spend time with my elderly Mum and I can lunch with friends, visit museums etc. I have the perfect work/life balance. It's also helpful to have the flexibility with my hours, so I can do medical appointments etc.

Original poster
User76745333 · 05/06/2022 05:53

I think part of my problem is that I already do the standard things that get suggested like having a cleaner/roomba and we have actually paid off the mortgage too so money isn’t tight (but neither do we have loads of spare cash).

lots of these suggestions revolve around saying no to people and that is something I need to do more of. I find it difficult having spent my life as someone who takes on everything..

OP posts:
carefullycourageous · 05/06/2022 06:00

Yes we did. For us it involved slowing down and not engaging in some norms or caring about status. Our day yesterday was amazing - but only by our own standards, not necessarily society's.

The principles are:

  • cut costs
  • cut obligations
  • minimise possessions
  • plan in quiet/slow activities

There are loads of blogs on minimising and slowing down.

I probably wouldn't take the promotion in your shoes!

You have to give some things up if you want a simpler life, no way round that.

Solosunrise · 05/06/2022 06:06

You know what you've got to do then Flowers
I used to be similar about saying no, taking too much responsibility etc. It's been a gradual change for me as it is hard, but so worth it!
I also try really hard to keep clutter free (I know that's extremely difficult with teenagers!)
I enjoy reading some simplicity blogs like zen habits and be more with less.
We keep meals very simple here, and I love project 333 which is about reducing the number of clothes you wear so eliminating decision fatigue.

NerdleNoodle · 05/06/2022 06:06

OP the best and most life-changing lifestyle advice I have found is 'If you're feeling overwhelmed by your home try throwing out a whole lot of crap'. Decluttering has made a huge difference to my internal, as well as external world.

Solosunrise · 05/06/2022 06:07

Cross posted with @carefullycourageous but all that too!

Original poster
User76745333 · 05/06/2022 06:09

Strangely the promotion might actually help once I’ve actually finished the horrendous 12 month long application process (and if I even get it). It will mean a shift to a role where I get paid by someone rather than having to do my own billing etc and so it will cut out a lot of admin time even if I then earn less in the role.

I want to be able to spend time in the garden and just enjoying our home rather than feeling I’m constantly chasing my tail. And I want to have time to spend with the dc whilst they’re still living at home (without constant stressful arguments)

OP posts:
Somuddled · 05/06/2022 06:09

I've really simplified my life recently. One thing that took done practice was just volunteering anything 'extra' except when it genuinely suited me. So, Rainbows going to the petting zoo, don't offer to collect at drop off 4 children just because I have a car. Neighbours having a street party, contribute bought food, don't offer to make individual fancy pies for everyone. Thoes are not the best examples, but my job involves a lot of problem solving and so my brain constantly finds ways I can make things better or take away problems but this solutions are usually at my expense. So instead of saying them out loud. I jsut let the thought run through my head and leave it there.

carefullycourageous · 05/06/2022 06:10

One thing I will warn is keep fairly quiet about trying to simplify - some people still running round like headless chickens can get pretty arsey is you say you had a brilliant week. Busy people often feel they have to be busy and it was amazing to me how cross some people got with us for not living the same way.

Smogtopia · 05/06/2022 06:24

Both wfh 99% of the time - allowing us to do school runs with ease and no commuting times / late nights

Cleaner once a week for the whole house

Takeaway every Friday

One meal cooked per day we all share as a family (no separate dinners or dinner times)

Meal plan with simple meals so dinner time isn't stressful and we have the right ingredients in

Carefully planned weekends so we don't 'burn out' and we don't say yes to every invitation

Solosunrise · 05/06/2022 06:30

carefullycourageous · 05/06/2022 06:10

One thing I will warn is keep fairly quiet about trying to simplify - some people still running round like headless chickens can get pretty arsey is you say you had a brilliant week. Busy people often feel they have to be busy and it was amazing to me how cross some people got with us for not living the same way.

True story!