Has anyone successfully simplified their life

[User76745333]

By making fairly small changes?

Im sitting by a pool contemplating. Life is just too much at the moment. I work full time, live on a building site, have two teenagers, a dog, two cats, chickens - oh and a DH who works crazy hours. I’m menopausal and on hrt but still really struggling.

if you have successfully simplified your life how did you do it. Unfortunately cutting work hours isn’t possible (in fact I’ve just gone for a promotion)…

Got divorced, life for me is much easier as a single. Condensed my work hours to 3 longer days so I have more time off to do things I love.

What age are your children? I found my life got a whole lot simpler when mine got old enough to be a bit more independent. It’s relentless when they are young: all that helping with homework, picking up and dropping off for school / activities / play dates, making sure they eat enough veg / drink enough water / don’t spend all their spare time on a screen. Etc now they are older, they take themselves to wherever they need to go, school work is their responsibility, etc etc. The novelty still hasn’t worn off for me: when my 14 yr old says he’s going to meet friends, I still get a buzz that I don’t have to stop what I’m doing and take him!

Also, a couple of things mentioned above. Stop saying yes quite as much. And focus on a few good friends rather than a wide circle of acquaintances. Trying to keep up with lots of people is hard work.

accepting a simpler version of yourself is part of it. I had to consciously step back from being the person who organised big events, which made the fanciest cakes, who’s always up for a night out, who sorts everything out. Sometimes this means things don’t happen, but so be it.

holidays are an issue for us. we don’t live in the UK and all our family are there. Planning trips back is an expensive nightmare between all the people we have to see, sorting accommodation and transport, activities, fitting in the needs of aging parents and active teens 🙄.

Expect more of your teenagers. In my case a cancer diagnosis enforced this as they just had to do things I previously did for them but no longer had the energy/ was unavailable for due to treatment. I noticed myself starting to take more on again as I got better but stopped myself 😁 Sometimes dad is just as good as mum, I know you say your DH works crazy hours but from time to time insist that he is the person who does parent/teacher or accompanies a kid to something. Their relationship will benefit, trust me, and you can step back occasionally.

Start sending your laundry to a service wash. We have one that picks up and delivers if needed. Just bag it all up once a week and you get it back washed, dried and folded.

I send everything - bedding, towels, clothes, underpants - the lot. 2 massive bags and it all comes back done the next day (or I drop off and pick it up). It has saved me countless hours of drudge.

I still have a lot of work to do on the simplification front (especially in terms of the amount of Stuff I have), but I gave up tonnes of volunteering over the pandemic (I used to campaign for a political party, help run a scout group, be a trustee for a local charitable/social thing, also another committee/trustee role for a separate political campaign which used to eat a lot of time, as well as doing what I would describe as a "big" job and trying to keep fit etc.

Now I do one much lower commitment committee role, a lot more keeping fit and nothing else. I feel vastly more like my life is under control as a result.

I don't have pets and I plant very few things I have to water. I have a cleaner. I don't have (but want) a robot lawnmower.

I would recommend this book:

How To Say No Without Feeling Guilty ...: and say yes! to more time, money, joy and what matters most to you smile.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0051UT7B2/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_X4HW25RVM2V7BBNHJRN2

I’d be very wary of assuming life will become simpler once you have the promotion/building work is done/kids are on hol/whatever. External changes are rarely the answer if you’re someone who is acclimatised to being on a bit of a treadmill.

There are alternative models on this thread - outsourcing tasks or reducing busyness to enable tasks to be done stressfree or simply not doing certain tasks. Not saying either is definitively right, but they are very different approaches.

• Pay someone else to iron
• Have more uncommitted time so ironing is relaxing not stressful
• Stop ironing

These three options can be applied to lots of different things/tasks.

I do not over comitt myself. I give a lot of thought before saying yes. Better to say no from the start, than to agree and be inconsistent.

I have cut fair weather friends loose. You know the type who only contact you after you have contacted them. The type who pleased to hear from you but never quite enough to suggest a playdate/coffee/lunch. If you arrange it, they will oblige but you are doing all the peddle work. No thanks!

I do not make calls during weekday evenings. This is my time to unwind after working all day.

I run the household like a military operation which is tiring:
Everything that can be is done night before is - uniform hung out, shoes polished, bag packed, packed lunch packed - fridge items retrieved from first thing

If we have one busy weekend, I make no plans the following weekend.

I do a food shop late evening when minimal people are in store. Race around in 45 mins if that.

When invitations arrive, I take photographs and discard of the originals. I also immediately add details to my calendar.

When we are going out as a family, whether a meal or trip to zoo, seaside, I calculate the average cost per head to give me an idea of overall expenditure and update budget sheet.

Yes five years ago I had a successful career which I was supposed to be doing part time hours but I regularly did full time. I had a toddler with Sen who was not sleeping and melting down 20 times a day. My dad was v sick and my mum was end of life (I was responsible for both of them) life felt impossible I was constantly letting someone down /failing. In the end I had a breakdown. Something needed to give, in the end it was my job. I took up yoga and meditation I got professional help. I started walking. I made space, I learnt how to parent a Sen child. I spent lots of time with my parents. Now even though I lost my parents and my dd is at school I work 1.5 days a week in a job I can forget about at the end of the day.

My advise would be to meditate fir ten min daily. Clearing your head for a short space of time makes everything else feel like it has space.

I'm 38 and have already minimised my life to a great extent by deciding not to have kids and just sticking with the one dog.
On top of that:

• The pandemic showed me that I actually find hosting friends and family - for dinner or overnight stays - really tiring. So now we're much more inclined to meet in a pub for dinner instead. I no longer want the mess, expense and hassle of cooking for friends at home (having done it regularly for 15 years).
• I recently moved job and spent my entire 3 month notice period (wfh) decluttering! I got rid of literally half of everything we own, cleared the loft, cleared the garage - and made sure everything has its place.
• We have a very tricky garden, but over the course of 4 years (since moving in), we've made it low(er) maintenance. We've planted evergreens and perennials that don't need deadheading or tending to - and they just come back again next year without the need to buy extra plants. We've also got lots of bark chippings everywhere to suppress weeds.
• We used to go on day trips regularly - to new little towns, to the beach, to our nearest city for shopping and lunch etc. We've stopped all of that. Instead, we just potter around our little town, which we love, unless we're doing something really significant (like staying with family somewhere or going on holiday). The pandemic taught me that I don't need to fill my time in that way and I'm just as happy at home doing a jigsaw (I started a new one yesterday!).
• We've started eating more simple meals (scrambled egg on toast) - not for every meal, but a couple of times a week. And having always cooked everything from scratch, I've started buying microwavable rice pouches and microwavable mash (from Aldi, it's delicious) to save getting an extra pan dirty. To hell with it!
• We have a scattered family, but now make clear we will drive to see only one person over the Christmas holidays - the rest we will catch up with in January. No more multi-stop trips crammed into a 4 day period.

I’ve definitely managed to simplify my life for the better. Lots of the things that have worked for me have already been mentioned but include:

• Scheduling in some me-time for hobbies. This means I say no to some things to protect that because it helps my state of mind so much!


• Related to the above… “doing” something to relax rather than sitting watching TV. My usual thing is sewing. It helps me relax more even though/perhaps because it is doing something rather than a passive pastime and it’s something I enjoy so I feel a bit more fulfilled this way


• ive backed off from a lot of family mini events if they’re too much… not being able to make every single one is OK!

some tips for saying “no”

just “I can’t make that weekend, can we do sometime in the school holidays?” (For instance). No need to apologise or explain or come up with a reason!

stop conflating free time with availability. You NEED some free time. Protect it. If someone asks you whether you can do a thing and you don’t want to use up your free time to do it - just tell them sorry I’m not available that day/time.

yes get the teens to take on some responsibility

A little bit off-topic but also reframing “I have to do…” with “I get to do….” Has been quite powerful for me. Eg even mega boring things like the washing up, instead of the “I have to do the washing up” which feels like a chore, thinking “I get to wash up all these plates so my family can eat from clean plates again tomorrow”. Not explaining it very well but feeling grateful for eg crockery and hot water and the ability to do these things as I do them rather than feeling the drudge. So yes simplifying life but also finding pleasure in the simple things

i do still need to get on the decluttering thing! I feel the need to do it for sure but finding the time around two small kids and work is very tricky. Hopefully I can do it bit by bit. This thread has spurred me on so thank you!

Agree with all the posters saying to declutter. I’m pretty ruthless in this respect, especially with items of DDs clothes/toys that she’s grown out of. And also, any unused kitchen items. In general fewer possessions equal a clearer mind imo.

I’ve also stopped hosting lots of things. In the past (pre Covid) we would seem to be the default family for other family members to come to for Christmas/Easter/Summer bbqs etc. I’ve now had a chance to reassess and realise that always hosting was making me stressed out. Plus it’s often a thankless task with others never taking a turn/reciprocating. There’s so much work involved in both pre and post prep, plus not to mention the expense. So we’ve done very little hosting these past couple of years which has been lovely.

Shopping online
Learning to say no
Career change, I see my children a lot more now
Living in a newer house, saves a lot of time on upkeep as you've not got years of damp etc to sort
Keratin treatment for my hair, saves me a lot of time on a morning or before going out as it just stays straight!

For me it was acceptance.

I can't change my life demands, I am not going to farm out my children, animals life elsewhere. This is the last leg of the marathon so to speak in terms of parenting. So I am focusing on that. My children are the most important aspect in my life, and soon they won't be here anymore. So I spend a lot of time with them, because soon they won't be here and I will have missed the chance.

Try and drill down exactly what you want to do with the finite time you have. Write a list of your personal priorities and take everything else out or heavily reduce it:

My top five is:

Children
Animals
Studies
Friends
Travelling

You can combine one or more of these often.

want to be able to spend time in the garden and just enjoying our home rather than feeling I’m constantly chasing my tail. And I want to have time to spend with the dc whilst they’re still living at home (without constant stressful arguments)

So spend more time in the garden with your children, ask them to help or at least keep you company from the chair or perhaps they can be in charge of BBQ lunch? The animals can be outside, gardening is a form of therapy and offers well being.

I also had to accept I simply don't have the same energy levels as before.
I can't go out for lots of dinners and parties and still feel well, or even functional. I go out much less, but make it much more fun when we do, and schedule rest time before and after. I am beginning to feel older, and we all make adjustments here and there.

Schedule in dinner/lunch/walks/hobby with your dc so you are keeping that connection going. Not easy but more important than some of the other stuff we fill our lives with.

Be ruthless about accepting invites, and be happy to say no if you are not going to get enough out of it.

It's a bit extreme but we bought a new build There's no upkeep other than basic maintenance. Anything big like the boiler breaking down or the roof tiles flying off is dealt with by the housing company under warranty.

I don't host Christmas anymore. Three years ago I had a 4 month old and a 3 yr old. I got up at 6am to start prepping the turkey. I did the full spread and made everything from scratch. On the day, two people didn't show up and one sullen teenager refused to eat a single thing. My 3yr old refused to eat and my mother in law was fussing over the baby and said she would eat later. There was so much food just sat on the table I couldn't believe it. No one offered to help and cleanup took just as long and I had to do it with a baby attached to the boob.
We haven't hosted since and we now buy ready made food from M&S. it's honestly so much better this way!

Because of that incident we don't host much else either. If there's an event we try and suggest a pub or restaurant, I can't be doing with the clean up and stress!

Great thread. Yes to so just of pps.
Another vote for saying no more often. I see fewer friends but enjoy my time with them more as I'm less stressed.
Wfh 2 days a week.
Putting all commitments in the calendar and checking what else I have on before I say yes to anything. Sounds daft but I used to not do this and then rush from one place to the next trying to fit everything in.
Expect my teenage dc to help organising lift swaps.

De clutter.
Be ruthless, keep only what you need.
It's so easy to find things then as everything has its place.

Sorting the kitchen cupboards and buying a big chest freezer has made a big difference to us.

Things that have helped me.
Do a weekly shop online and get it delivered. I spend much less this way and it takes much less time.
Get a cleaner for three hours a fortnight to do a big clean.
Get rid of all the clothes and shoes I don’t wear.
Say no to things I don’t want or need to do.
Meal planning, dull but saves loads of time/
money
Write a small to do list every day that’s realistic

On line shop
Cleaner
No to anything you don't want to
A massive blackboard in the kitchen that I write on every Sunday.
I list things than need doing and who is doing it and share the mental load equally.

I think you’ve listed the things that you know are causing you stress, so maybe you’re looking for solutions for those things?

Your responsibilities or the kids (can you get more help, a nanny, an au pair, allow them more time at a family member’s?)
The building site (can you finish the work, get your friends round to help, hire more handymen?)
Working full time (can you WFH?)
Too many animals (could you rehome some of them? Or get some help with them?)
DH working too much (can he temporarily reduce his hours?)

It started with the little things. What do I have to do often that I could change up or automate?

for example my prescription - I was taking it to the drs once a month to put through the letter box. Now I order on the NHS app. Or buying cat/dog food - now I get it from Bother or Amazon.

pay bills via DD, all that sort of thing.

decluttering - it’s a slow process with lots of mental stuff attached to it, but I am doing it.

Storing items properly within my home like from The Home Edit. It frees up my mind, and having somewhere for everything to go when I buy things helps me.

I then put what I want to do first. For me that’s walking the dogs/spending time with the dogs, going to the gym, reading. I don’t leave these until the end of the day or when all my chores are done.

my approach has been ‘little and often’. I’ve got a long way to go but I’m crafting a life I am happy with.

Yes. We don't have a TV, and this has had a great impact on our time to pursue interests and hobbies. I read a lot more now. We purchase only those things that are absolutely necessary. We have embraced a life with limits. I don't care for status or comparison with others.

Concentrate on what actually matters to me.

We will have things that are important and others we do because we think we ought to.
You might want to read 4000 weeks. It’s not about time management as we normally think about it but a about we only have 4000 weeks in our life so ho are you going to use that short time iyswim

How much does this cost?

I am all about a simpler life. I only wear one colour so that reduces decisions, what I buy, washing etc. I make my kids (10 and 7) do more and more for themselves, despite the eye rolling. Just small stuff like clearing plates and cups, getting out breakfast stuff etc. meal planning helps massively too, just a list of meals we will have that week. I’m not there yet but life feels easier to cope with