Posters who comment ‘have you posted this before?’

[Raedf]

Why ask? If the poster has NC just leave them alone, they’re obviously looking for more support.

People who post multiple times are surely having a difficult time and the last thing they want is being questioned. If you don’t like to see a post similar to a previous one, wouldn’t the answer be to hide it?!

Its almost as if posters thing they will get a GCSE in being a busybody if they make it their priority.

I never understand the mentality of calling out.

Am I on my own in this thinking?

Nah, I think the same, it's like if you want to comment, why ask that ? Yes the person may have read similar but even then, what difference does it make overall.

There are a small number of people who post repeatedly about the same thing though. They ignore all advice they get and just keep rehashing the same stuff like Groundhog Day. I never comment on those threads, but I can see why people who do get sick of it

If someone is posting about the same situation/issue they have posted about previously it’s useful to know if they took any of the suggestions from the previous thread or if they decided any of those suggestions wouldn’t work for whatever reason, so that people don’t suggest the same stuff again.

If they want to ask if a poster has posted before, I can’t see the harm. Maybe they don’t want to type the same answer again if it’s the same poster. Often the repeat posters are drama llamas from what I’ve seen.

I can’t seem to hide threads since the update. I can but then they appear again.

It’s a bit accusatory I think. As you said, if they have posted before they obviously need more support. If they haven’t posted before then it’s quite disheartening to be dismissed. More than one person can have a similar problem!

I don't think it's a big deal. It's just a question.

Often the OP will say they did, and expand a bit more on the situation

Absolutely this. I don't see the problem with anyone asking, but I wouldn't. If they have posted before, why not continue on the original thread saying they need more advice?

What I hate more are posters who think their way is the only way & they have some authority over what other people post. Are they looking for a GCSE in Bossy Booting???!

Because it’s attention seeking and time wasting. Continue on your original post to prevent drip feed, and so people can see what’s already been suggested.

I agree. I am going through the hardest time of my life and have no real life support. On my last thread somebody commented "you've posted about this a few times now and nothing changes what do you expect people to say". Now I darent post again.

This, its the ones who post the multiple versions of 'woe is me, everyone is so mean to me' threads but leave out the things from previous threads that didn't get the reaction they wanted. Like the 'my ex won't leave our house even though we're divorcing' but leaving out the fact they want to move their affair person in, have the ex pay the full mortgage, not work, and get huge spousal maintenance and child maintenance despite kids not being the exs, and a marriage of 6 months!

I see it as a warning not to invest in giving advice to a poster in a drama who isn't actually interested in doing anything to change things.

I do sort of get when it's a difficult situation that you can't really do much with apart from waiting it out or enduring it and you just want to offload.

"help me with my situation"
"You should do this this and this..."

A week later.
"Help me with my situation"
"You should do this this and this..."

A week later.
"Help me with my situation"
"You should do this this and this..."

So on and so on.

People asking the same questions until they get the answers they really want is a pointless waste of everyone's time.

And.....

My DH does X, Y, Z, but I'm not sure if that's bad?
That's really really bad, you need to get out.

Week later, NC

My DH does A, B, C [much smaller things than X Y Z] is that bad?
No it's not that bad, my DH sometimes does that too.

Poster thinks in reality DH is not that bad, she's just being sensitive, other people's DH do similar things, she should stay.

That's why it's sometimes important to call out when you recognise a situation.

Oh I don't know about this. Say one week a woman posts about how she's struggling with an unexpected pregnancy and an unhappy DP. Then the next week under another name starts another thread about how now she's pregnant he wants her to move to X. Then a week later under another name change he wants her to move to Y. Then she name changes again and says actually she stopped taking the pill and didn't tell her DP and that's why she's pregnant. Then another name change where she's still the same age and he's still the same occupation (and still unhappy) and they don't know where to live and by then she's had 3-4 threads deleted by MNHQ but is still name changing and starting new ones - at what point can you say "hang on a minute?"

Posters who continually tell other posters what they should and shouldn't do 🤷‍♀️ who made you the queen of Mumsnet!

If you message Mumsnet they might send you a Prefect badge.

I agree @Raedf it's so unnecessary, if they have, so what? What's with the private detective carry on.

And the likelihood is that there are in excess of two people with this issue. There might be hundreds...........

What are you hoping to acheive by reposting the same thread though?

Unless you're referring back to all your previous ones and acknowledging what other posters have said and are actually moving frward in some way what is your purpose?

It's only natural if someone is posting what appears to be the same thing again and again especially now that the search function is rubbish

Those few people who post repeatedly about the same situation without taking anyone's thoughts on board seem to me to clearly have some sort of mental health problem, be delusional or just very disturbed in their thinking. I have no idea if there is any way to help someone like that by pointing this pattern out to them.

@Raedf I think a lot of posters feel that they've spent two minutes of their time, offering up a solution and if the poster doesn't INSTANTLY pack a bag or instantly call the police then they have heroically offered the solution and the poster ignored them. This injures their ego a bit.

But people go to therapy for years to try and alter their mindset so they can have boundaries/leave/stay/call the police

It'd be good if these posters had the emotional intelligence to understand that but sure why would they.

That is awful. xx

I know what you mean though, on the rare occasions I've started a thread, the second I mention that I'm a single parent, so much is projected on to me that it's impossible to get any reasonable advice geared at the issue that caused me to post. I have to first convince the jury that I go to work like you do. I pay my bills like you do. I don't have boyfriends. I don't smoke. I buy healthy food. I support my children emotionally and practically, but we can't get to the the issue until I've defended myself against all the automatic charges of neglect/idiocy! And if I do that, I'm defensive.

I don't think that's fair, in the main.

Most posters offer constructive advice that OP can do in small steps. There are the LTB brigade but most posts are more nuanced in their advice.

I appreciate it. Usually if someone's posting multiple threads about the same issue there's a reason for that. They refuse to admit they're in the wrong, they've reposted omitting key info to get a more favourable response, there's wider issues that are the actual problem etc.

All of these will influence how I reply, whether I bother to reply and whether I follow the thread.

Sometimes it's because it's utter shite that's just being rehashed,'often on one more than one forum so the 'have you posted this before' can serve as a warning to others to be cautious - subject dependent of course.