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Original poster

How much independence to you give your 5 year old ?

32 replies

iknowthismuchis · 03/06/2022 22:28

I struggle with anxiety so I wondered if someone could tell me what's normal for you. For example how far away from you would you be ok with them being in a public space? Do you feel you can sit and read/ be on your phone when in the park with them or do you feel the need to watch them. Would you let them explore a different room in a museum where you couldn't see them but you were in the room next door?

I'd be really grateful for any opinions.

OP posts:

MintMe · 03/06/2022 22:30

Always where I can see him. And I don't consider myself to be an overprotective parent at all.

MintMe · 03/06/2022 22:31

Re: phone in park, I'll check messages but mostly watch him. Only because it's nicer for him to feel I'm engaged.

piratehugs · 03/06/2022 22:34

Always within view (except for brief moments when he and his toddler brother run off in opposite directions in the park - I run after the littler one). Also insist on holding hands in crowds or by busy roads. I'm definitely cautious but not anxious or overprotective.

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Figgygal · 03/06/2022 22:35

I dont give mine any......he is 5
I always keep him visible even if he is with his older sibling

Boating123 · 03/06/2022 22:35

I am happy for my 5 year old to be quite a long way from me - but I always want to be able to see her. For example if she is on her bike and I'm walking she can go on ahead, but has to stop when there is a corner so I can see her. I wouldn't go to a different room in a museum. In the library I might let her carry on looking at the books while I check out some books. I can't see her then, but the childrens bit is quite enclosed so I would see if she left the area/someone went in the children's area.

JuneJubilee · 03/06/2022 22:36

I couldn't read a book, but I can flick through a magazine or MN on my phone, but not as well as I could if I was, say, home alone.I tend not to though.

somewhere like soft play, free rein really, museum or other adult space, no, partly in case someone dodgy was there & partly because it's not childproof & I wouldn't want them to inadvertently cause damage/get hurt. Plus I don't think it's a good idea to teach them it's ok too do that, because they might assume it's ok to do it at the shops etc then.

DoubleDiamond · 03/06/2022 22:39

I think of myself as v relaxed. Would check a quick text at the park but no more than that. Would stay in the same museum room.

Mummumtum · 03/06/2022 22:41

Always in my sight unless it’s a safe enclosed space like soft play or a fenced in park or our back garden.

no to separate room in public place like museum

Skinterior · 03/06/2022 22:42

Within view. For the safety of what was around us as much as for him!

Aria999 · 03/06/2022 22:44

Mine is six now and I have just started letting him be in a different room in a museum for short periods but mostly I like to be able to see him.

In the park I check phone but look round and make sure he's ok every few minutes.

Ragwort · 03/06/2022 22:48

Mobile phones weren't really a thing when my DS was 5 but yes, I'd sit and read a book whilst in the park rather than be bored senseless. I was a Beaver Scout leader and we took Beavers camping at 6 so they needed to be fairly independent.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 03/06/2022 22:50

Park... well with two I wasn't hovering over both. But at 5 I was mainly watching them even if I wasn't next to them. If it was extremely busy I kept them together, but smaller ones they did their own thing (there was a 2 year gap)

Museum... definitely together.

Generally... the busier the place, the closer I was.

Fevertree · 03/06/2022 22:52

Definitely not a different room in a museum. In a park they can go ahead a little distance but only as far as I can see. Soft play I would read a book or phone but check every few mins. In a park I watch but might check a message

lifesnotaspectatorsport · 03/06/2022 22:55

I think I'm quite relaxed in a familiar environment. We have a big square near our home with kids playgrounds in it - I will often mind the younger ones at the playground and let my 5yo (eldest) do laps of the square on his bike. So he'll be in and out of my view. He also walks/ scoots ahead of me to the next junction when we're out but is good at waiting for me there.

I would let him pop into a next door room at a museum or in a shop if it's not too busy/ he knows it well. He's quite a sensible kid though.

mypinkslippers · 03/06/2022 23:00

All depends on the child and how well they listen to you. Not sure about 5 as I remember, but more like 6 mine would be more independent but if I couldn't see her I would 100% freak out. It only takes one wrong place/wrong time and opportunist or otherwise to grab and go. Yes yes, it's unlikely but the thing is once it's happened that's that.

So, mine understood bad people exist, knew what to do if anything happened, knew to call out, and they went as far as I knew they were safe to go at that time, on that day. It changed with tiredness levels, excitement levels etc.

It's all completely relative to the child and your relationship and their own levels of awareness, also where you are to a lesser extent because like I said, takes one time and sometimes an opportunist. I live in a "safe" area generally but it's not closed off to people from other places coming in so it can never be deemed totally safe.

jubileetrain · 03/06/2022 23:02

Not watching a 5 year old in a public place is not giving them independence, it's just not paying attention. Independent behaviour at that age would be doing part of their daily routing alone.

ConfusedByDesign · 03/06/2022 23:06

None of that at 5. Always where I could see them in public.
At home, it's a different matter.
Allowed to play in the garden with me checking every now and then and giving small chores to do.

PinkSyCo · 03/06/2022 23:12

I would let a 5 year old explore a next door room in a museum if it wasn’t too busy, but I would not take my eyes off of them for more than a few seconds at a time when outside.

Original poster

iknowthismuchis · 04/06/2022 00:17

Thank you everyone, I just wanted to check I wasn't being too much but it seems I'm in line with the responses on this thread. I'm grateful. Thank you

OP posts:

ChocolateHippo · 04/06/2022 00:44

Always in sight unless a safe, enclosed space like soft play. I'm not fond of playgrounds with different areas where they can disappear out of sight, of which there seem to be more and more.

Unlike many parents, I don't let my DC scoot or bike ahead on the pavement. The roads around us are very busy so he's always within arm's length.

I let him play downstairs by himself at the weekend (front door bolted) and he can have porridge, cereal and milk (but not apple, banana and other food which might be a choking risk). He helps me cook and I will let him cut stuff with a semi-sharp knife.

He can play in the garden by himself and I will leave him there to go to the loo, but usually supervise from the kitchen. He's never left unsupervised around the paddling pool when it's filled up.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 04/06/2022 00:48

Boating123 · 03/06/2022 22:35

I feel the same way. I let DD(4.5) play for hours by herself (or with her sibs) in another room from me at home, but within earshot. But out, I always want to have eyes on her, even if she’s a good 100m ahead of me.

Thebeastofsleep · 04/06/2022 08:32

Depends on the environment.

In a public park, at the play park I'll sit on a bench and read. But when I look up I can see him where ever he is in the play area, and he isn't allowed to leave the play area to explore the wider park. On the walk to the park he's allowed to go to the main road, a distance of about 250m and around the corner.

In a museum, I'd be worried about him touching stuff so wouldn't let him go far.

In soft play I let him get on with it and sit and enjoy a coffee, I can't always see him because of the set up of our nearest play centres.

We go camping lots and he gets much more freedom then - can go to the play area and toilets without us, we can't always see him. He can go to the little shop and cafe alone if there is one. However we're very picky about the types of campsites we go to, to allow them that freedom.

I think 5 is when you can start giving them that bit more freedom. We did lots of work around the freedoms though, not just "off you go"

Lazypuppy · 04/06/2022 08:35

Most places so i can still see her, but don'g mind how far she is. E.g. outside a pub near us is a big green essentially where the kids can play, i stay in the outside seating at the pub.

Softplay is only place i can't always see her because of how it is set up but i just tell her where i'm sat and she pops back every so often.

At weddings in enclosed buildings where there are no other guests she will run off and play with other children out of sight

Natsku · 04/06/2022 09:19

When my oldest was 5 she was playing out with the other neighbourhood children with me checking in from time to time. My youngest is 4 and I can't imagine letting him do the same at 5, completely different child from DD, he is always in sight.

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 04/06/2022 09:28

At 5yo, yes, I would want her within sight at all times in a public place. I think of myself as a fairly laid back parent!

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