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Original poster

Feeling sh*t about having to move back to parents

50 replies

Popsicle1991 · 03/06/2022 21:59

I'm a single mum of 1 I work 30 hours a week but with the cost of living creeping up and my rent being £750 a month my mum has offered me and my DD to move back to hers allowing me to put about £600 a month in to savings. There's enough room for me and my DD to have seperate rooms, and it really would help out as my DD is only 2 and it means where currently she sleeps at my mum's two nights a week so if I move back she'd not need to sleep out as she'd already be there. I know there are so many pros to me moving back. But I just keep getting this horrible feeling like I'm pathetic for moving back in to my mum's at 30 years if age. Would you move back to your parents at 30 with your child of it meant you'd be better off money wise?

OP posts:

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 03/06/2022 22:03

ive moved back in between house moves. I cannot see an issue if your mothers home is a good home.

PetersRabbitt · 03/06/2022 22:03

Give it a few more years it will be perfectly normal!! I imagine my kids will be with me into their 30s as it just takes so long to save for a house/deposit unless your lucky enough to find your partner early

restedbutexhausted · 03/06/2022 22:03

If I could, I would. She has the room but miles away unfortunately.

Don't feel bad about it. It's the system that's flawed.

Also just think of all the grandma/DD bonding that's going to happen.

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dudsville · 03/06/2022 22:03

This sounds like a smart move if the relationships are good. Nothing to be ashamed of.

justasking111 · 03/06/2022 22:05

Please don't my DS worked abroad for six years, came home at 32 set up his own business from the dining room first year turnover 4k. Met his future wife , he built up the business they married bought a house nine years later they're on their second house two lovely children.

It's a temporary hand hold your mum's offering. It's not a hand out. I wish you the best of luck

SallyWD · 03/06/2022 22:05

It's fine. I'd do it as a temporary measure (and temporary can be several years) whilst I got back on my feet. Don't feel bad about it. It makes sense.

Redshoeblueshoe · 03/06/2022 22:06

I'm old enough to be your mum and I would rather you came home for a while than you be struggling week in week out. I wouldn't consider you to be pathetic. Unless your mum is horrible, but I think you'd have mentioned that

Leobynature · 03/06/2022 22:06

Yes I would.

I think that’s very generous of you mom to offer her home and it will be lovely for you DD to have secure accommodation. Saving of £600 per month is an incentive, you could use this to invest in your and your DDs future.

what is your relationship with your mom? It may help to lay out some boundaries and expectations in relation to finances, privacy,
freedom and parenting if you were to move back.

I would make a financial plan… where to you want to be in X years and how much do you need to make this happen?

Original poster

Popsicle1991 · 03/06/2022 22:27

Me and my mum get on quite well most days other days we bicker mainly because I'll happily leave the pots till the next morning but she wants them moving straight away. However it's her house so I'll need to pull my weight with the cleaning.
I don't know why I'm feeling so down about it it's like I feel like a failure.
I'm hoping to save up to be able to buy a house

OP posts:

redskyatnight · 03/06/2022 22:30

No. Because we'd spend the whole time arguing and I'd have to be grateful for the next 20 years.
But if we got on well, I think it would be fine. Maybe set yourself a target/limit for staying there so it seems more temporary?

CornishTiger · 03/06/2022 22:31

Do you get universal credit at the moment? It might be worth looking into applying regardless of whether you move back to your mothers?

RandomMess · 03/06/2022 22:34

I tell my DC frequently that there is always a place for them here no questions asked.

Bunty55 · 03/06/2022 22:34

OP If you have a good relationship with your parents then do it.

My daughter has lived with me since my grandson was born and he is 4 in July. She will be moving into her new house soon and I will miss them. I have helped her as she deserves it and do not regret one minute of them being here despite having to completely redecorate everywhere :)

RampantIvy · 03/06/2022 22:37

I imagine that more households will merge as the cost of living goes up.

Nothappyatwork · 03/06/2022 22:37

Re: the washing up might be worth you spending 200 quid on a dishwasher, costs about 40p per cycle to run it and if it saves the arguments it will be well worth every penny.

godmum56 · 03/06/2022 22:38

If i felt i could get on with my Mum then yes I would....but yes you will have to pull your weight and if your mum doesn't like the pots left then don't leave the pots!

Honeyroar · 03/06/2022 22:38

It’s not forever. It’s going to help you save and move forward in the future. She’s very kind.

nocoolnamesleft · 03/06/2022 22:39

Don't think of it as a step backwards. Think of it as enabling you to save towards the next step forwards.

Cherrysoup · 03/06/2022 22:39

Shush, you’ll be fine! It sounds like you might need to clean up immediately rather than the next day, but fair play in someone else’s house. It will give you a cracking opportunity to save and invest in your future.

DarkDarkNight · 03/06/2022 22:40

I don’t think it’s pathetic. It’s a chance to save a really good chunk of money each month. My parents made the same offer to me and I would have snapped their hand off if they’d had enough room. We would have made do but it would have been too much of a squeeze really. In your position I would go for it.

Danikm151 · 03/06/2022 22:41

If my mom hadn’t moved into a smaller place after I moved out at 24 I would have totally moved back in with her once baby came. the amount of money I could have saved, even with paying towards bills and rent would have been substantial.
in fact we did stay with her for 7 weeks during the first lockdown.

midairchallenger · 03/06/2022 22:42

Nothing pathetic about living together as an extended family unit. In other cultures that is the norm.

You are raising your child, you are working, and have a healthy relationship with your mum. I don't see anything to justify calling yourself a failure - quite the opposite.

midairchallenger · 03/06/2022 22:44

It's okay to feel disappointed if life isn't looking how you'd hoped right now, but you don't deserve to be beaten up or called names - by anyone, least of all yourself.

onelittlefrog · 03/06/2022 22:45

Only if I was desperate and if I got on OK with my parents.

Original poster

Popsicle1991 · 03/06/2022 23:25

Thank you all, I'm definitely feeling a bit more positive about it now, I do get UC but with the costs of everything going up but housing benefit still staying the same I just can't afford to live, I got my first higher energy bill this month and its gone from £69 Direct debit to £213 and it's wiped out my food bill I had £700 in savings to save to go see my sister in NZ but I'm not having to spend that on food shopping till I can move out in September if I didn't have that I'd be having to go the food bank this month which is just so bad considering I work just a few hours short of full-time, and unfortunately due to child care I can't do those extra 7 hours to make it full time.

OP posts:

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