Feeling sh*t about having to move back to parents

[Popsicle1991]

I'm a single mum of 1 I work 30 hours a week but with the cost of living creeping up and my rent being £750 a month my mum has offered me and my DD to move back to hers allowing me to put about £600 a month in to savings. There's enough room for me and my DD to have seperate rooms, and it really would help out as my DD is only 2 and it means where currently she sleeps at my mum's two nights a week so if I move back she'd not need to sleep out as she'd already be there. I know there are so many pros to me moving back. But I just keep getting this horrible feeling like I'm pathetic for moving back in to my mum's at 30 years if age. Would you move back to your parents at 30 with your child of it meant you'd be better off money wise?

Now* not "not"

If my mum had spare room I wouldn’t think twice about it!

I’d rather have spare money which I can downs on myself and children or even save up for a house deposit.

I’d also love a live in babysitter and someone to share housework with.

The only worry I would have would be getting under each other’s feet but if you’re working all day and then have a routine of going upstairs early and watching a film or reading before bed then you’ll hardly see each other.

@Popsicle1991

Would you move back to your parents at 30 with your child of it meant you'd be better off money wise?

Times are really tough, OP, and likely to get more so in the next year or so before they get better. In your shoes I'd move back in a heartbeat and be grateful for this opportunity.

Yes you may need to do some things differently (more like your mother likes it - she's used to things a certain way in her home) BUT you and your daughter will really get the benefit - including you not being emotionally as well as financially stretched.

I bet your daughter and mother will really enjoy each other's company too. 🌹

I think it’s a smart move, don’t forget her cost of living is also going up so you contributing will probably be helping her too. If I had a good relationship with my M I wouldn’t hesitate if it meant saving and not struggling week in week out.

I lived with my DM until I was 35 when she passed away. Honestly I don’t regret it and it allowed me to get on my feet and for my DD to form a special bond with her. I’m a functioning adult now living in my own. There’s nothing wrong with living with your parents as long as you carry your weight.

I can't thank you all enough for you responses it's really made me feel so much more positive xx

Give yourself a break OP! I was working a really high paying job in London, and had to leave or I’d lose the plot! I moved back in with my mum at age 26, feeling very much ‘how the mighty have fallen’. I had no kids, and could have afforded to rent, I just didn’t have the capacity to do that, and needed help for a while. I stayed about 9 months and I am very grateful for what my mum did for me. We all have moments of need - it is nothing to be ashamed of. What I would say is, have a plan of how you intend to leave, and be very strict with yourself to achieve that (sounds like you’ve already got your saving target in mind!). You’re doing the right thing, make the most of it, best of luck to you.

I moved back in with my Mum after a messy break up in my late 20's. It was fine. We get on well and it allowed me to save a shed load of money to get me back on my feet. We did need to be considerate of each other and shared the chores/ planned meals/ let each other know where we were etc.

I also moved back in for a few weeks with my newborn DC when DH had to go away for work. It was easier being there than at home!

Just think of the money you'll be saving, that trip to NZ you'll be able to plan and the time your Mum can give to your DC. Not to mention the movies and chocolates you can enjoy together when DC is asleep, if that's your thing!

Of course you're not pathetic I was a single mum too and it was so hard. I didn't have anyone and there were days that I could not afford to eat so DS could. It is a fantastic opportunity to save. My 40 year old son and DiL live with me. They don't have kids but the cost of living is too much for them.

I'm old enough to be your mum and if it was one of mine I'd be delighted to help. Last year my DS came back to live at home for a few months and it was a real pleasure. We were careful to give each other space and privacy and everyone has to be prepared to tolerate minor irritations.

Absolutely nothing wrong with this @Popsicle1991 , you didnt caused the cost of living crisis going on or decide to sell the council housing years ago and push up the cost of rent

Dont beat yourself up.

But dont leave the pots either 😉

Think how less tired you’d be having someone around to help. You could have a few nights out or a lie in. Obviously not taking the p*ss!

That more than make up for washing up being done.

It is a smart move, collating the family resources under one roof to tide over the economic storm. Sensible and pragmatic, too.

I echo getting a dishwasher, to obviate the potential for conflict around doing the pots.

Mate. In 2016 my greedy twat of an already wealthy landlord put my rent up from £475 to £600. I sold all my furniture, cried a river and fucked off out of it. I was 31 years old. I spent three years house sharing and felt like a total fucking loser. At one point I moved in with someone who turned out to be a coke head followed by someone who's kitchen was so disgusting I didn't even cook in it. But I had a goal. I sacrificed my social life, hobbies, everything. Saved every penny. Gritted my teeth and cracked on. Fast forward to now. I'm currently sat on MY sofa in MY living room in MY beautiful little house decorated just the way I wanted. Think of the bigger picture. I never thought I would get here but I did - and so will you x

This could me my daughter writing this
She is moving back with us for a few months. For all the same reasons
Really don't worry.
From my point of view it is fine as long as I get some free time and she tidies up !!!
Two year old are tiring so just make sure you give your parents down time and just enjoy the time with your parents. Xx

You definitely should!

Absolutely no shame in what you're doing at all.

I had to move back in with my parents (and then 11yo DD in tow when my marriage broke down). Anticipated being there for 6 months but it was nearly 2 years.

I'm very grateful for their support although it was tough going at times.

The biggest flash point for us was use of the kitchen...my mum is fanatically tidy and hates cooking. I love to cook from scratch and prefer to eat my meal while it's hot rather than fumigate the entire kitchen first!

It's probably not a bad idea to discuss some ground rules for anything you feel might be tricky.

You know, you're very fortunate to have this option & it's only temporary.

I left my abusive ex H at 31 and moved back in with my Dad with my 2 kids aged (at the time) 3 and 7. We get on brilliantly as it is and lucky enough, he has lots of space. I was there for about 18 months. I felt the same as you initially, but it literally gave me the space to save money (still paid our way of course!) and restart. We're now in our own lovely home (still renting) but completely financially independant and finally debt free.

Was a life saver for us.Really kind of your Mum - please don't feel ashamed!

I did it as a single parent, I stayed for just over 2 years and now I've brought my own place. I'm so grateful for them allowing me to stay and save enough to get me on the property ladder. Don't feel ashamed at all. You're doing the best thing for your child, it's better than struggling along because of pride.

If I was single and struggling and got this offer I would 100% take it up - especially if relationships were good.

Me and DH moved back with my parents age 25 to save money for a year for a deposit. Yes I had to live to her house rules for a year but that's no bother as our relationship was good. It helped us hugely and we got our house. It will be worth it OP.

As another pp said, hand hold not a hand out. It's a nice choice to have x

I am looking forward to my son and his girlfriend moving in this summer. They have lived in their own flat , paying rent.Now with new jobs after retraining and being that little bit older , they asked to move in here to save for a deposit . I am recently separated and while I absolutely do not intend for them to be companions for me, I will be glad of their mere presence in the house.
It does help that it is quite a big house so no sharing of rooms or bathrooms . Kitchen is the only thing we too might struggle with .I am like your mother , like it cleaned up . But because, I want them to feel comfortable, I will try to compromise. Just do it before bed as I do not want to start my day with dirty dishes. And I do have a dishwasher, so no excuses !

God when my kids were small I used to fantasise about moving back home, as a single mum but I live far away. Just the emotional support is huge knowing there's company etc

I think it's the great opportunity for your dd to get to know her granny even more.
More people who loves you involved in your life, you will become better person, imo.
If she is doing you a favour, return the favour by respecting her and help her when she's older.

I'm a foreigner here in UK, and my parents always said I was welcome back home if things didn't work out. Didn't need to take their offer yet, but I would take it, without hesitation if I need it.

I’d want my DD back in that situation, definitely. It’s a great opportunity for you to start saving for a deposit. It would put my mind at ease as a mum if I knew DD was working towards a home plus I’m sure it’ll be nice for your DD too.