Boy in girls changing room…what’s the solution?

[Bundlesofchocforme]

DS is on a swimming course this week and the policy is that you use the changing room of the parent’s sex regardless of the sex of the child.

DS’s presence was clearly causing discomfort for some of the girls and there were a lot of pointed looks and mutterings from other mums but no one said anything directly to me.

Personally I would prefer to use the changing room of the child’s sex, meaning I would go into the boys changing room with ds and dads would go into the girls changing room with their daughters but I can see how this might be difficult.

Alternatively, all parents could wait outside and only children allowed in the changing room but some children do need help,

Not wanting to cause the girls further discomfort or encroach on their space, I changed ds in the very small toilet as quickly as possible but we won’t be going again.

Is there a solution that I haven’t thought of?

I think you should have just changed him alongside everyone else. Don't hide in the toilet, that just reinforces the idea your DS shouldn't be there. If you wanted to protect his modesty from staring eyes and tutting mums then you could put a towel round him while he got out of his shorts and into his pants. If the concern is boys looking at girls (and as another poster pointed out it goes both ways) what use would going to the male changing area be in this scenario if there are little girls in there with their dads?

It's the adults that have the problem here, not the kids. At that age there's nothing to be concerned about beyond unwanted curious staring from other children, male or female. Everyone should behave respectfully regardless of sex or age.

FWIW I wouldn't like DS 9 going in a mens changing room alone, and actively avoid pools that have separate areas. We use the family changing area in that scenario if there's one available.

6 is fine to be in the womens changing room. By 8 they should be in the appropriate sex changing room however. I would not feel comfortable changing around a boy at or close to the start of puberty.

What does your DS actually need help with? Could he theoretically go into the make changing room without you and just slip off his wet trunks, dry himself off and put on a tshirt and pants? Coukd he manage tracksuit trousers that are easy to slip on? Then come out into the lobby barefoot and you sort out his socks & shoes then?

(as I said above I think it's fine for him to be in the women's changing room while he's so little but this would be an alternative for if you didn't feel able to do that)

But Op doesn't live where you live or have your sort of changing rooms. You don't have her problem, she does.

My sons used to go ready changed. They wore boxer short type trunks with tee shirt and joggers and sweatshirt in winter. After swimming they dried themselves ( sort of) put on pants ,tee shirt and joggers and came out for help with shoes if needed . Velcro trainers/ hideous Croc type shoes take this problem away .

My 7 year old is tiny and nervous, I'll do what I need to to keep him safe always.
He's not remotely interested in looking at other people getting changed. Ok working on his confidence because obviously he won't go in the girls loos for much longer.
We were at a play place recently and he was too scared to go alone into the mens loos so I took him into the womens and let him use a cubicle there
I have also used the mens for myself when there's been astronomical queues for the woman's (take that concerts)

people really care about a 6 year old boy in a female changing rooms?

But you're proposing a solution to be that grown men use the female room if they have a girl?

This all seems like madness. I think just get on with it. Anyone who objects to this young boy being there needs a bit of a chat

He’s 6. It’s fine for him to be in the lakes changing room. By the time he’s 8 or 9 hopefully he’ll be mature enough to change himself in the mens. But under 8s are fine to change with their mums. Don’t know why anyone would have an issue. If he was 10 I’d get their point, but he’s only 6.

• ladies changing room

As a swimming teacher you use the changing rooms of your sex not your child if he's 9 I'd say he could go in by himself but he's 6..There would be outrage if a man came into the females with his 5 year old daughter. The policy is correct and protects all the kids.

Our kids at a school...I'm a TA
And from year 2 could get costumes off...give them selves a rough dry and get back into uniform themselves ...we are in changing room with them ( as per school guidelines ) but they just get on with it ...occasionally we do a ' hurry up the bus leaves soon ' kinda comment !!

Just say out loud. He's only 6yrs old.

If he genuinely looks older and this is at the heart of the issue then saying out loud to the people who are clearly displeased with it - 'he's only 6yrs old' would more than likely change their attitudes to 'ah OK fair enough'.

Exactly. In real life I've mostly just seen common sense in place.
It's a weird thing on here that makes it sound like every male child is a potential creeper and every female can't bear to be near them.
My son won't be growing up apologising for daring to be male and I won't be apologising for letting him use a loo if he needs to.
I know there's lots more to the subject but if people spent more time getting on with their day rather than overthinking on Mumsnet there might be some more useful threads on here

I phrased that all terribly but in reality if a 6 year old is in the loo/ changing rooms nobody cares. That's the gist

I agree. My boys at 8 years plus would have refused to go swimming. Why should girls get preferable treatment. There should be separate changing rooms by sex. The Equality Act allows that.

As someone already mentioned often these open plan changing areas are at school pools, where only the members of the swim school attend. It probably is much safer for a boy of 8 years old to head off on his own into the changing room than doing so at the public swimming baths. Only families of swimmers will be there.

At some point the apron strings will have to be cut and I can’t see why for a NT 8 year old with no history of trauma (and I see OP’s son falls Outside of this category hence why I suggested a change of venue), going into the changing rooms on your own at a small school pool with only families of swimmers on site is probably the safest environment to practice that bit if independence.

I mean you could probably get away with sticking your foot in the door of the boys changing room, and call around the door (respecting privacy) to check he’s ok every 5-10 minutes.

It's far better for a 6yo boy to be in with the girls than a bunch of dads...

He's only 6!

It’s not ideal for older boys, I agree! I suppose people vote with their feet if they’re unhappy but swimming lessons are very in demand round here. There are separate toilets people can use too but they’re not very big.

Seems a bit of an extreme reaction of the mums and girls to a six year old! If they kept staring over I think I would have done a cheery ‘u okay?’ to see if they wanted to raise an issue.

MintyMoocow · Today 07:28
On no occasion would I ever have turned a hair about a 6 year old boy in a changing room. The world has gone insane!“

this. Non-issue.

Personally I would prefer to use the changing room of the child’s sex, meaning I would go into the boys changing room with ds and dads would go into the girls changing room with their daughters but I can see how this might be difficult.

I think people (especially many MNers) would lose their shit if this was the policy.

I think it’s ridiculous that they don’t have cubicles as this is such a simple solution.

You taking him into the female changing room is definitely the best idea. And I think it’s best you go in with him.

I know of two single parents who have disabled children of the opposite sex.
They’re both over 12 but can’t get changed independently and definitely can’t be left alone, so I don’t know how they would cope in this situation.

Personally I would prefer to use the changing room of the child’s sex, meaning I would go into the boys changing room with ds and dads would go into the girls changing room with their daughters but I can see how this might be difficult.

you can't possibly think this would make the girls feels less uncomfortable than having small boys in with them!

I think the only answer that works is a large unisex changing area with generous cubicals that have solid floor to ceiling walls/doors with additional small strictly single sex changing areas.

There was a similar thread about boys in girls changing rooms sometime in the last year which turned quite nasty. Apparently quite a few mums thought boys of even 6 are perving at the girls in the changing rooms and should be in the mens by themselves even if they were at risk of strangers, emotionally or physically not quite capable of changing alone. The thread turned quite disgusting.

Slightly different but our private gym says boys go into the mens from age 8. DS(7) wears a towel poncho, occasionally goes into the only cubicle to get changed, but has several female friends (all 7-8 years) at the gym that he sees weekly for swim lessons and they get changed together with no one distressed. He’s always been taught not to stare at people regardless of where he is.

It worries me a bit that from age 8 he will be alone in the mens changing room with male strangers. It’s not just about being physically capable of changing themselves - it’s also being mature enough to deal with a situation that is potentially sinister and knowing what to do. At 8 I feel that is too young, however the only solution I can see is for all public and private pool/gym facilities to eventually provide unisex changing cubicles.

Exactly this!! And for the suggestion that grown me go with daughters into the female changing room is ridiculous!!!