Anyone else bullied in your younger years and find it still affects you?

workinprogressju · 2022-06-02T18:55:14+00:00

I was bullied a lot growing up and went to therapy which helped a lot, but the low self esteem and emotional scars never fully healed. I was diagnosed with ADHD last year which explained so much about my life and has helped me to be so much kinder to myself. Anyone else still find that the aftermath of bullying affects you years later ?

TellySavalashairbrush · 02/06/2022 20:11

I hear you op. I have had thirty years of on/off eating disorders as a result of being bullied in my early teens at school. Being overweight (though this was by 1980s standards so not that overweight at all in hindsight) with acne and a family who couldn’t afford to buy me trendy clothes is not a good combination when you are young! I still think I am ugly and have low self esteem. ongoing therapy is helping but I know it will affect me to some extent for the rest of my life. Such a waste - most of the bullies ended up making nothing of themselves in adulthood , so why did their horrible opinions matter so much?

HollyGoLoudly1 · 02/06/2022 20:46

Yes. I worry constantly about whether people like me or if I'm being annoying/boring/mediocre. It makes it difficult to make and maintain meaningful friendships.

user2908143823142536475859708 · 02/06/2022 21:02

Yes. It still affects me now I'm in my late 30s

forlornlorna1 · 02/06/2022 21:07

Oh definitely. I have not one close friend. I'm suspicious of anyone who tries to befriend me. I'd rather just not have any friends and be safe really

1jan2020 · 02/06/2022 21:08

HollyGoLoudly1 · 02/06/2022 20:46

Yes. I worry constantly about whether people like me or if I'm being annoying/boring/mediocre. It makes it difficult to make and maintain meaningful friendships.

This is exactly me. I do feel that a lot of what I went through at school has set me back for life - I have very little self confidence really and crippling social anxiety. I do take medication now and have had a course of CBT, which has helped a lot, but I don’t think I’ll ever get over the feeling of not being good enough and worrying that everyone dislikes me.

XenoBitch · 02/06/2022 21:10

Early 40s here, and yes, it still has a huge impact on my life.

1jan2020 · 02/06/2022 21:12

It makes me so sad that the bullies “won”. I worry every day that the same thing will happen to my kids.

JanePanface · 02/06/2022 21:15

No. I was bullied very badly at school over several years and while it's an unhappy memory, it has no bearing on my life now. When I went to university, I was expecting the same to happen, but was surprised to discover that in the real world, people are ok with you if you're a generally decent person. As a result, I've had loads of lovely friends for the past 30 years, and this counts for far more than some insecure teenage girls. At some point, you can choose to acknowledge and accept past shitty experiences but not carry them forwards.

Grain · 02/06/2022 21:15

Yes, though not as much as it used to. My high school bully sort of reached out to me on SM during the first lockdown. I sensed her remorse and realised that she has grown as a person.

Turns out I had low self-esteem for years. So much so as an attractive and intelligent girl I tolerated 5 years of an abusive relationship with my then BF, followed by suffering insidious EA from exH for years. I've since dated a couple of times and the men turned out to be creeps - narcs even. Also subject to sexual harassment and stalking. So I no longer bother with dating or fostering new friendships.

Unfortunately I have had to build walls around me as boundaries don't seem to be enough.

Sparklingbrook · 02/06/2022 21:22

I hate that being bullied is my enduring memory of High School, I'll never be able to look back and think of my schooldays with any sort of fondness, so that's like a big regret that I still think about.
When I hear of people who are in a group of friends having known each other since they were in Primary I feel a bit envious, shared great experiences and all that. I couldn't wait to leave, and I never looked back. I am not in touch with anyone from my schooldays at all now and wouldn't want to be.

Fluffycloudland77 · 02/06/2022 21:44

It never left me either. Those secondary school years were awful and my parents were no help, the school didn’t care either.

Sometimes I think of contacting my parents now their getting older but they never helped me when I needed it so I won’t help them.

NoRegretsNoTearsGoodbye · 02/06/2022 21:46

Yes. Bullied horrendously at primary school - now in my 50s but it still affects me 😢

Mol1628 · 02/06/2022 21:48

Yes still affects me. More in the way that I’m concerned about it happening to my own children now. And I find it too painful to look at any photos of myself from that age as I was just so desperately unhappy and never told anyone or sought any help.

Im happy and confident in myself now though which has come with time.

PatAndFrank · 02/06/2022 22:13

Adults who give me the silent treatment instead of coming and talking to me about the issue. It’s like growing up again with a mother who did this. It’s pathetic and unnecessary and they cause a nasty atmosphere. Fuck you silencers. I distance myself from them now

kickingupdaisies · 02/06/2022 22:13

Yeah. Difficult making relationships with friends. Lack of confidence to progress in work. But I so know that what they did was absolutely abhorrent and I absolutely did nothing to deserve it. Wish schools and parents knew this and too more.notice!

GuybrushT · 02/06/2022 22:14

Yes it still affects me in my late 30s. My default mindset is to assume that people won't like me/want to get to know me, and to feel paranoia that with friends I do make it will only be a matter of time before they realise I'm actually a loser. I have memories of incidents that are as clear as if they happened yesterday and which still regularly come to mind. As a previous poster said, I hate that this in effect means that the bullies won, but it feels like my high school experience has had a significant impact on the adult I've become and I have to work very hard on reining in the fear that this might happen to one of my children too.

LyndaSnellsSniff · 02/06/2022 22:18

Yes, definitely. I find it very difficult to maintain friendships and have had so many instances of friendships just fading away, and feeling all over again that I'm clearly not worth the effort.

I have a DP and 2DCs but we have no "family friends" so no one with DCs of a similar age to meet up with. I watch families socialising with others and feel so wretched. Our DCs are quite introverted and I worry that I've caused it somehow.

I probably come across as fairly confident in person but I am constantly aware that I must have a personality flaw that means I am not likable or worthy of "inclusion".

So, yeah thanks Bullies. You really played a blinder. 👏

Blossomtoes · 02/06/2022 22:22

I was bullied at school. I can still remember the name of the ringleader - yes, I’m looking at you, Stephen Heather. I hope you’ve had a miserable life. On the other hand, mine’s been a great enjoyable adventure because I sure as hell wasn’t going to let you win.

user1497207191 · 02/06/2022 22:29

Sparklingbrook · 02/06/2022 21:22

I hate that being bullied is my enduring memory of High School, I'll never be able to look back and think of my schooldays with any sort of fondness, so that's like a big regret that I still think about.
When I hear of people who are in a group of friends having known each other since they were in Primary I feel a bit envious, shared great experiences and all that. I couldn't wait to leave, and I never looked back. I am not in touch with anyone from my schooldays at all now and wouldn't want to be.

Yep, exactly the same here. I’ve no happy memories at all of my teen/sec school years due to daily bullying.

Fireyflies · 02/06/2022 22:30

I wouldn't say so any more, no. But I'm in my late 40s now and if you'd asked me 10 years ago or more, I'd have said it did. I was nervous of getting things wrong socially and of people being two faced. I think all that's changed is that the memories have become more distant and I've had lots of years of socialising only with people who I choose to be friends with and who seem to like me. I'd be nervous if I had to work in a girly bitchy environment, but thankfully in my line of work I don't. It's been a very gradual change away from getting affected by it all the time

ForestFae · 02/06/2022 22:44

Yes. I also have ADHD and school was hell for me as a result

SpeedofaSloth · 02/06/2022 22:48

Yes, but less so as the decades pass.
I have leapt on any sniff of bullying towards my kids to get it stopped immediately, though.

Morenamesandpasswords · 02/06/2022 22:50

Yes. But only to the extent I don’t listen to bullies now just as I ignored them and didn’t let them bother me then.

I was bullied for being fat and brainy. I had the last laugh since most of my bullies made nothing of themselves.

I still think teaching kids to grow a thick skin and ignore them would work a whole lot better than the current way we try to deal with them.

Morenamesandpasswords · 02/06/2022 22:51

I suppose that it didn’t bother me to be unpopular with the cool kids and not trendy- and I’ve never felt that pressure as an adult either

Rabidturnip · 02/06/2022 22:58

I was bullied in a job I had been in for 5 years. I loved it there until she arrived. The final straw came when I was told I had to start reporting in to her. I walked that day. She was an utterly hateful vile individual who hid behind a jolly persona. She had a huge chip on her shoulder, management just let her get away with shite. She doesn’t stay anywhere very long (wonder why). Female lawyer. I hope I bump into her one day and I will not hold back with telling her exactly how unpleasant she is. Vile vile woman. Occasionally I remember how she behaved towards me and it makes me so angry.