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Original poster

What can realistically be done for someone who literally may die any moment through drink and grief?

41 replies

Desperatelyworried23 · 31/05/2022 19:52

As above, I want to fudge details but I have a friend who has had. Cascade of shocking events in a short space of time....drank to oblivion through it all, several times a week.

One shock after another.
She's on anti depressants as well.

Now her bf has out of the blue dumped her.
I can't see how her body can sustain any more trauma.
What realistically can be done?
I'm bracing myself every day for the call that she's gone.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 31/05/2022 20:42

If she's drinking that much (and her boyfriend has dumped her, this may be connected) despite support from the GP, nothing.

If she hasn't been back there since getting the prescription, she should go back and/or there could be a contact with the crisis team (you can google the one for her area), but fundamentally, if she's drinking that much, there's not a great deal they can do.

You can also call 999 for a welfare check if she's said anything in particular or you haven't heard from her.

Original poster
Desperatelyworried23 · 31/05/2022 20:51

She's been on anti depressant for a very long time, I don't think she's seen a GP recently.

I don't think she's capable of doing anything.im tying to get her family to help but she's been extremely defensive in the past.

OP posts:
Original poster
Desperatelyworried23 · 31/05/2022 20:52

I don't know how 999 could access her where she lives

OP posts:
Blueuggboots · 31/05/2022 20:53

What do you mean 999 couldn't access?
If life was genuinely at risk, they would break in.

Keha · 31/05/2022 20:57

Difficult. What can you do? Call the police and say you think she is seriously ill due to effects of alcohol. Call her GP/local mental health and say you are worried her mental health is so poor she is drinking herself to death. Encourage her to go to local alcohol services. Call local alcohol services yourself because sometimes they do support for friends and family.

But, even for the police, mental health, social care, NHS etc, it can be pretty challenging to help someone with an alcohol problem.

elfycat · 31/05/2022 21:06

I knew a young (late 20s) and very lovely lady who drank herself to death.

Call her GP or call the police for a welfare check - or both. There might be nothing that can be done, but if you make those calls you will have done all that is in YOUR power.

If your relationship with her allows it then contact her and offer her support - but bear in mind it is not your responsibility to rescue her from herself. Alcoholics can be difficult, so as MN say on threads (paraphrased) never offer more help/money/time/emotional energy than you can afford.

gianaInfertilitySucks · 31/05/2022 21:22

Try to persuade her to see a gp, and if possible go with her. It all really depends on your relationship with them. Maybe a welfare check is another option

carefullycourageous · 31/05/2022 21:33

Could you ask her to stay for a weekend visit, or is the drinking constant so it would be not OK to have her in your home? Could you go to visit them?

You can't be their crutch and you can't fix this but you could go to say hi.

Hellocatshome · 31/05/2022 21:36

I'm not sure what you mean by 999 cant access her? If she is in the UK they will access her if necessary if not Google how to contact emergency services in whatever country she is in.

Thistlelass · 01/06/2022 00:10

A difficult situation. I am a recovered alcoholic therefore I understand the issues. Hard to know if she is addicted to alcohol or has become dependent on it at this point in her life. Really she could do with at least a good few days off the stuff to allow for clear speaking on the topic of her drinking. At one or two points in my attempts at stopping, I stayed for days at a time with one of my sons and his wife. I found it very difficult though because they would have to leave the house to go to work. A better set up is where a patient adult is home through the day with her. If she could be given this support, she could decide if she is willing to refer herself to addiction services for support. If she has experienced bereavement, perhaps a Cruse counsellor could intervene.

mubarak86 · 01/06/2022 07:55

I watched Rain in my Heart recently (documentary about young alcoholics) and sadly I think the answer is nothing.

MichelleScarn · 01/06/2022 07:59

Now her bf has out of the blue dumped her.

Were they living together? Was he enabling her therefore making the problem worse and now he's gone she may be more accepting of help?
Or has he being trying to support her and this has not gone well?

HangingOver · 01/06/2022 08:01

Try to get her to a meeting. Just Google to find your nearest open one and drag her there by hook or crook. Use emotional blackmail if you have to. Honestly nothing worked better on me than making me realise I was hurting the people around me. When you stop caring about yourself that can sometimes be the thing that will help you get there.

Original poster
Desperatelyworried23 · 01/06/2022 08:02

Thistlelass, congratulations .

It's been a pattern for years where some days /nights a week she is fine but then she has too drink to oblivion other nights.
She can go all night and well into the next day. Drinking to the point where she can barely open her mouth and passes out.

She's incredibly defensive about it.

She has literally missed many events with her family whom she mostly love s and if that's the nifht When she needs to drink the. That's it.

I don't think she sees or understand the effect it has on others.

The family is still reeling from a tragedy that occured last year and again it feels like there will be another. Her drinking was already out of control but now this!.

I wondered can her family force her into a rehab?

OP posts:
Original poster
Desperatelyworried23 · 01/06/2022 08:05

Hanging over,

I've tried to implore her to think about two people in particular who are vulnerable and rely on her and to think of them.

She says "yes* sounds like she is agreeing then goes onto do what she wants.

It feels wrong to ask her to think of others when she's heartbroken but, these two people ( unrelated) have also had an awful time and don't deserve this added stress and worry.

OP posts:
HangingOver · 01/06/2022 08:07

I found the local NHS outpatient rehab very very good. Firm but very helpful.You can self refer as well I think, that all the GP would do anyway.

Original poster
Desperatelyworried23 · 01/06/2022 08:08

Michelle,

No it was part time but I strongly suspect he became more aware of the drinking and I suspect this has been a reason he ended it.

Normally she would hide it when she's with him but after the tragedy I think it crept out and become more apparent.
I don't know for sure...but hearing glimpse of odd situations that happened which only make sense if she was drunk senseless...

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 01/06/2022 08:09

She can't be forced into rehab or any form of treatment unless medics have assessed this as necessary.

Who are the unrelated people that rely on her? What do they rely on her to do, and is that fair when she's so unwell?

Original poster
Desperatelyworried23 · 01/06/2022 08:10

Hanging she won't self refer and shes beyond sensitive and stubborn about what she wants to do.

She's been heavily drinking for at least. A decade.

OP posts:
Original poster
Desperatelyworried23 · 01/06/2022 08:12

Michelle rely on her as in they have both ( separate) lost their mum's in different ways.

She has said to both she will be their mother ( one from a distance as support),

They don't need her to do do anything for them physically.

OP posts:
Original poster
Desperatelyworried23 · 01/06/2022 08:12

How would medic's asses this

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 01/06/2022 08:18

If she won't engage there is nothing you can do.

PersonaNonGarter · 01/06/2022 08:23

This is beyond your control. She needs professional/AA support.

Original poster
Desperatelyworried23 · 01/06/2022 08:26

I know but how to get her to access it or get her family too?

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 01/06/2022 08:33

There’s nothing you can do. Alcoholics need to want help or it is pointless. Even if you could force her into rehab, the fact she doesn’t want to stop means she would likely start drinking again as soon as she came out.

As hard as this is, if this is the path she’s chosen all you can do is be there if she wants your help.

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