What can realistically be done for someone who literally may die any moment through drink and grief?

[Desperatelyworried23]

As above, I want to fudge details but I have a friend who has had. Cascade of shocking events in a short space of time....drank to oblivion through it all, several times a week.

One shock after another.
She's on anti depressants as well.

Now her bf has out of the blue dumped her.
I can't see how her body can sustain any more trauma.
What realistically can be done?
I'm bracing myself every day for the call that she's gone.

Her dad used fo get angry about her drinking and shout at her.

She needs someone to gently offer her help.

I would suggest calling an ambulance and they will hopefully go round to do a welfare check. I’ve had this with a family member, he refused to see a doctor and social services won’t get involved unless someone is referred by another professional (this is what they told me anyway). It’s so tough and I think ultimately there is nothing to be done to actually stop someone drinking, but I know how you feel with just wanting someone medical to be involved in it all.

She probably needs your support, should she want to talk. But ultimately she is free to make her own decisions - including to die - and it isn't up to anybody else to tell her she is wrong.

This. My exhusband was an alcoholic. He refused to acknowledge that there was a problem. I was apparently paranoid, looking at things from my teetotal upbringing etc etc. He was nasty and aggressive when the subject was raised. In the end he left me and our 2 small children for a 17 year old who liked a drink and was apparently lots more fun. You cannot get someone to stop drinking unless they want to. You will be using up an awful lot of your own time, energy and ,probably, money for absolutely nothing at all.

You're clearly a good friend to her, but there is absolutely nothing you can do to help her. It has to be HER who wants to change, usually they have to reach rock bottom first and that can take a while. As you no doubt realise they are past masters at agreeing with you they won't do it again and then carrying on regardless.

Alcoholism is an awful disease not least for those who have to stand by helplessly and watch the victim self destruct.

Possibly the kindest thing you can do is stop going round and helping/enabling her although I know that's going to sound odd. It might make her get to treatment sooner, but of course not all seek treatment.

I'm not enabling her. Her life is already at rock bottom.
There is literally nothing else to do but drink and she's said she won't do the little work she already does.
So no job to go out for, locks herself away,..

I know I can't per see get her to stop , but I wondered if there was some flag or mechanism that can be triggered somewhere to get her help.

Someone has offered to put her up in a different country ( that she knows and loves) and they have said they can arrange to make sure no alcohol is there...

Well by all means gently offer her help. What help would you be offering?

If she has been drinking heavily for a long time then suddenly going cold turkey would be dangerous. If she wants to dry out she needs to speak to her gp. If there is money then she could try rehab. Once she has stopped drinking the their are charities that offer residential services.

The flag or trigger for someone getting help is for them to approach their gp and ask for it...

If her addiction is extreme then abruptly stopping is as likely to kill her as continuing to drink. My BILs partner decided to do this and her body shut down with the shock.I believe the same thing happened to Amy Winehouse. It's a horrid disease and very ,very difficult for others to watch .

My ex husband was an alcoholic and I think you’ve been given all the advice there is. Your friend will only stop drinking if she really wants to.
You can call Alcoholics Anonymous for advice. My exh did this one day and 2 people came out to the house and were there most of the day ( I was at work) He went to one AA meeting, wouldn’t go back.
You can call any drug and alcohol dependency service in your area for advice and support.
If you believe your friend’s life is at risk you can call 999. Emergency services can get into any property , don’t worry about them gaining access though you could ask your friend for a key or install a key safe.
You can encourage your friend to speak to her GP, AA, or any other alcohol service available.
You cannot do any more than this. It’s sad and it’s frustrating as we cannot see why the person doesn’t just drink less or stop but it is what it is.

Nobody can force her to stop drinking and forced addiction treatment doesn't work , not that they could hold her against her will anyway. She has to want to stop but from the sounds of it she isnt even close to admitting she has a problem and until that happens, you just have to accept that there is nothing that can be done. You're just going to have to take a step back and let her to it. She's an adult and unless she is deemed not to have capacity, she is free to make her own choices, no matter how destructive

Have you thought about attending an Al anon meeting? Its for the family and friends of alcoholics. I remember ringing everyone I could think of when I thought my ex husband would kill himself with alcohol. I couldn't understand why they would stop someone jumping off a bridge but not him drinking until he passed out every day. I really thought he was going to die soon. He is still alive and still drinking crazy amounts. I now recognise that me begging/shouting at him to stop drinking/go to rehab was useless. He didn't want to go, he is sick and addicted and addicts are scared to stop because he might have to face feelings or memories that are too painful. Hugs it's not nice feeling like you can't help.

You can't. She has to want to. You can't force adults to do things. A rehab won't accept her unless she wants help.

At the moment though beast there is no offer of help there.

Her family has not said...when your Ready to stop , we have got X reqdy for you.

There problem isn't a choice in her mind.

You can't save her from herself, only she can. Unless she acknowledges her drinking is a problem and seeks help, no one medical or family or friend or rehab or AA can help her. If you're struggling with this maybe Al Anon would be helpful for you. Don't damage yourself too much trying to save her.

Family and friends of addicts need to remember the three C’s to addiction recovery
I didn’t cause it
I can’t cure it
I can’t control it

You can't fight these battles for her. You have zero control in this situation. You can be there to support her if she seeks help, you can work on developing stronger boundaries and giving yourself a bit of mental space but you can't make her stop drinking.

You can't make her get help no matter how gently or otherwise you suggest it. She will either realise for herself she needs support or she will end up in hospital or dead. That is the grim brutality of alcohol addiction.